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Lonnie Hicks

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Books by Lonnie Hicks
  My War With The Fleas-Part Two
by Lonnie Hicks
Monday, September 26, 2011
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Lonnie Hicks
•  You Can Have Me
•  Picture Falling
•  Solstice
•  July 4th Fire Works
•  Loss
           >> View all 236

The NY Bed Bugs


I knew the Flea Commander's moves. He would start with the guest room.

My guests from NY had bedbug hitchhikers and, although they had gone, FC would have these stowaway spies come out in the dead of night on his signal.

But, I was ready.

At five am when FC thought all of us were asleep he gave the command to the NY BB's to come out of hiding and head for the deep pile carpeting on their way to the master bed room, their main objective. Their plan was to eat my family alive one at a time. 

Disaster if they succeeded in getting there. They would burrow deep into the mattress and generations of them would get started. We would have to soak the mattress in Raid or burn it.

My mission was critical. I put on my backpack, jammed full with anti-flea and vermin devises and peered into the dark creeping toward the guest room door,
I flung it open, snapped on the light and the ugly bugs scattered in panic caught by surprise.

Drooling with glee I leapt into the air simultaneously heading off a squadron which was heading for the deep pile pulling out from my backpack a special spray that soaked the pile and created a line of death across the carpet which the bugs could not cross without dying from my napalm scented spray. The front line fell down dead.

The others froze in the dim early morn light and finally FC called out to them "To the base-board, and into the cracks. You’ll be safe there.”

FC was right if they reached the base boards I would have a problem if the got into the walls.. Once inside those cracks I would be never rid of them. They would re-group and take over the entire house in a few months. They must be stopped at all costs.

I headed for the base board ignoring the pile group; the important thing was to head off the base board bugs.
But I got there too late. About twenty of them had reached the base board, gotten into a crack there and were inside taunting me, feeling they had escaped. Their leader was a big fat bug banker dressed in a three piece suit. He looked up at me and taunted me saying:

”Yes we are going to take your house, throw grandmother out in the streets, and then sell this house at double the price.

His Bed-Bug banker friends were all gathered around him laughing and egging him on. "That's right they all said, "we are foreclosing on you and everybody that lives here.

But no. I reached inside my backpack and pulled out my needle nose WD40 canister and aimed it toward the NY Banker Bug, their leader in a three piece suit.

Livid, I then took a special straw from my knapsack and attached it to my can of WD40 napalm and sprayed right into the crack.

It soaked them.  Immobilized, they floundered in the crack and I sprayed them again with a little Raid which suffocated all of them.
Their little three piece suits melted like acid had been splashed upon them.

Then I took a little bit of putty from my backpack and entombed them there forever.

It felt almost as good as an orgasm.

But then I heard Mugsy, my dog scream, another contingent of fleas were biting him around his face and eyes. I rushed to his side.

To be continued.

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Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
I nearly burned down my deck fighting insects. We are always hopelessly outnumbered. Cool continuation. Patrick
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart
Hmmmm mayhe we need some of your tactics to end this recession! LoL thank you for the laughs.
Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G
Your metaphors speak in a light form in this!
Taking lemons and making lemonade, sweet for bugs I know but it's also an upward direction as this write took me.
Fleas will stick around ONLY if you allow them! lol

Blessings and Blissful Peace! Soulful_SHEE
Reviewed by Linda Hill
I love your spin on the subject. Better laugh than cry. I've lived thru it and fleas are very hard to get rid of. You done a pretty good job getting rid of them in this creative poem.:)

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Thank goodness you're giving these awful bugs little suits and personalities.....else I'd be totally creeped out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very funny story, Lonnie! Love the way you put this together.....

Reviewed by John Flanagan
The devil (flea) is in the detail
and detail you certainly deliver,
Lonnie, excellent detail, compelling reading...
war is certainly war...but will a winner emerge?
Here, from a purely selfish point of view,
my worry is the dengue mozzie, i was struck down
once and don't want a repeat.
Looking forward to the next installment.

Reviewed by Janna Hill
Never have pests been so fun.
Reviewed by Christine Tsen
A jolly and entertaining bit of fun!

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