Old fool me stood wisely cutting back the hyacinth
waiting for the visitor from yellow springs.
I heard the wind then,
was wise to it all;
the drooping leaves turning heads
to fawn cherub days resting at their ends
neat by the stars
with unspoken words.
Once I cried into my tea leaves for friends passed quickly by,
faster than I knew.
When younger, argued my case formally under treacle dawn,
to anyone who listened,
rabbits, squirrels, the wind.
And I raved over theatrics’ punished voice,
how it suckled us from teat,
played the mind,
the cherub lamb.
After, I would leave tired bungalow,
step down three steps –
and laugh. –
I was not tied in red shirts or bootlaces knotted like daisies.
- was not wearing surgery corrected smile,
always half cocked ready to fire –
without wrinkles –
the greatest false leer.
- heard not vultures taming man with silver tongue
- longed only for pure light,
for warmth.
Even then,
played stud poker,
against spies,
no cards in my deck,
they had chicken wire claws –
held control over nightmare’s cartoon virtue –
only were sane as man is become beast,
beast making it,
succeeding in drear,
with eyes forever staring on.
2
I knew my brother gone,
my sister,
mother,
father,
friends,
gone!
The machine knew,
I’d live alone smiling,
a clown
receiving clocks from father time
while he weeps
BECAUSE ALL MUST END ON THE DOORSTEP.
I knew I’d live alone smiling,
a clown
wise.
MORTALITY WAS STARVING.
Found myself rested in centre of drear praying
earth take me,
listening to voices same,
over, over,
and laughing.
ELEPHANTS KNOCKED THE PALACE
down!
Lips paraded
a way everywhere,
wished immortality,
to breath nonsense,
spit earaches at enemies,
and have no enemies but dog tired time.
Sat near centuries,
who were whole
on fictional barstools,
were contrived in centre
of drear
the architect.
Sat under same light,
solitary bulb worn,
reused,
on arrival.
Loudspeakers delivered popular litany prayer:
Volcano
Volcano
Volcano –
which in later days came: -
Volcano volcano volcano drum snare me,
burn me,
feed me
success,
inferno.
Drear, my home for years
- tied up in fantasy sales,
success,
polluted possibility –
taught me volcano’s weariness,
a plastic pastiche,
waiting,
since birth,
for departure.
taught volcano’s agony years
of searching
platform 12 –
choosing,
which locomotive will end this –
creating,
despising,
the similar,
the sunflower.
Jumped backwards to drear,
learned volcano –
am ashamed,
once prayed volcano
volcano
volcano drum,
snare me.
Jumped with volcano,
was with in drear,
in jungle.
was with and fought volcano
under tender dawn light.
3
Starved in drear!
Ahead,
zeppelin waiting on platform 12!
escape!
laughter at escape!
could accept this locomotive’s
speed!
ride it,
faster,
on, on,
until ahead
A pinprick chance.
am ashamed!
worried near zeppelin,
which was a pinprick,
that was only a wave.
thought zeppelin a great wave splashing
salt wisdom –
crashing salmon knowledge
over fires,
cursing eat me,
eat me,
and understand.
Am ashamed!
was a drear hypocrite –
true believer –
poised twice over on two feet,
between volcano and earth.
Zeppelin took me sobbing from drear.
later, I found zeppelin home
then wailed.
MORTALITY STARVED ALIVE STARING DREAR FOG WINDOW!
Later, I rested under tall zeppelin flowers
in motion,
great like heroic day.
Came to understand day is a hero
and I am not starved.
Came to understand drear,
long to destroy
with flowers,
to be a clown gardener.
4
Drear,
my vision of tomorrow undone.
a grey dawn lit by inferno.
purple blood Rasputin,
untying chains,
floating down
the Danube,
the Tiber,
the Seine.
Drear is paradisiacal laughter
raping itself to discover more.
Drear is windowless sights of meteor hit earth
is heaven
Sojourning eternal,
Praying volcano
volcano drum.
Rested,
searched zeppelin for clouds.
found figures
veiled,
holding cold water to starve me
alive
tender
under locomotive stars in motion.
Stayed at zeppelin.
Turned starvation on its head.
Begged earth
WRAP ME IN FLOWRS.
Ignored volcano
Planned winged escape
from drear zeppelin.
5
Was thirsty for a pinprick.
Prayed
prick me earth
wrap me in flowers
I am your clown
in receivership.
Earth
Earth
wipe me out with understanding
6
After Zeppelin,
saw its windows drear,
my vision fogged
by fantasy
now undone.
After Zeppelin,
I sobbed:
Earth
Earth where are you now?
am with your brothers.
where are you now?
have you abandoned us?
by the edge of pinprick?
to sing ladybird?
where are your waves?
keep us from loving drear.
After Zeppelin,
fell to dirt,
dragged feet wondering volcano
volcano
volcano drum.
turned my head –
understanding, NOW
I always rest
ON A PINPRICK –
to laugh
drear, where elephants wail,
tearing down
drear,
Piece by piece,
At dawn.
THE WARDEN IS GONE!
NO ONE IS SANE!
NO ONE IS LEFT ALIVE?
On the dirt,
near me,
were brothers, who I forgot,
that I left behind.
7
I am become the clown
in receivership
downing drinks at garden fair
at closing time.
Earth is almost gone.
I am become,
preacher to anyone who will listen,
teacher to squirrels
man waiting for earth.
Am become the clown
in receivership,
wise to the wind,
getting clocks –
as gifts –
from old father time.
Am become the clown laughing,
always laughing.
Soon,
the elephants here
THE EARTH IS ALMOST GONE!
8
I cut back the hyacinth,
laugh,
always laugh
Waiting for visitors to fawn over me,
I know,
By then,
I’ll be with cherub day.
9
Returned today,
to tired bungalow,
to wait
and pray goodnight.
Am wise now.
THIS ALL ENDS WITH MY FOOTSTEPS!
Am destroying self with flowers,
living on poison berries,
the clown gardener.
I always rest,
poised,
on a pinprick.
---
Copyright © 2003 Oisín Breen. No reprints or distribution of any kind sort in any form in this or any other known universe or dimension or medium without my express permission.
---
Back from Italy
---
Bookmarks
Share
Print
Save