4% LYCRA


I never had trousers like them;
they stretched for a night of love
or a dance at the salsa class.
Man, I felt like a Jet,
Rod Stewart in his spandex days:
Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?

I washed them,
I washed them in the machine,
and the label specifically said
Handwash only.
They didn't shrink. No,
they got longer, they stretched
from here to eternity;
only fit for a tall boy now,
or a long drink of water
like Hans Christian Andersen.


Now they're hanging out to dry;
only fit for a Danny Long Legs now,
only fit for a stick insect,
a beanpole, an elongated chap,
and I felt so free in them,
I felt I had nothing on -

talk about the King's New Clothes!