Envy Them Whole
by Kaeti Yates
Friday, January 10, 2003
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Caught my own self down in the hole,
Answering only to the silent words,
Unspoken by the ones who watch me.
I sat down across the room,
While they talked and huddled.
Like a secret they couldn't share.
They have their centers,
The things they cherish.
Mine have been taken away,
Shot by their own selves,
All so far away and lost.
I have no alternatives to lean on.
No father to speak to like I'm his daughter.
I want to be my own little girl.
Not some bitter demon in a flesh costume.
Why can't we start it all over?
I yell forever up to the sky,
Asking him to press that button,
The one that will take me back.
Belonging to someone,
Being a good child,
Being a sweet angel.
Not some fucked up clown who fools everyone.
I am complication.
I am the bitterness in your blood.