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Iolanthe Woulff

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Member Since: May, 2010

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· She's My Dad

· A British Petroleum Afternoon

· Mom-in-Law

· That P Word

· Organized Religion

· So Long, Mr. Hot Pants

· Slough of Despond

· Malibu Majesty

· Lament for Eden

· The Faithbug

· Rain of Toxic Terror

         More poetry...

Iolanthe Woulff, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

  Seafood Futures
by Iolanthe Woulff
Monday, May 24, 2010
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Iolanthe Woulff
•  Purple Pickles
•  La Vieja Loca
•  The Bug
•  The Callous Sophisticate
•  The Web
           >> View all 56

Continuing in the same vein, this piece pays homage to the immortal Tom Lehrer's unforgettable satire song, "Pollution".

Let's all go have dinner at Captain Monsanto's!
Believe me, their dishes are rare.
They've Snapper Selenium,
Chromium Cod,
plus assorted Chemiques de la Mer.

The Mercury Swordfish is truly sublime,
while the Bouillabaisse glows in the dark.
The Bi-phenyl Clams
with an aspic of lead
go quite nicely with Phosphorus Shark.

I think just this once I'll have Crabs Becquerel:
Full-flavored, not too sweet or sour.
They come from a wrecked
old plutonium barge
and they parboil themselves in an hour.

Have you ever tried Filet of Flounder Fluorine?
It's delicious! Feels warm going down.
My extremities tingle
recalling that taste...
'Tis an entrée of widespread renown!

You might wish to sample the bright yellow Blackfish,
or maybe some Haddock of anti-freeze green.
Either's quite fine,
but do drink some wine.
They tend to be spicy, y'know what I mean?

Or how about trying some Lobster Monsanto?
These babies are red when they're caught.
The boats set their traps
by the nuclear plant,
where the hot current keeps the lines taut.

Their Molybdenum Mussels with Acetone Sauce
is a bit on the bland side for me.
(It's there for the old folks
who can't abide salt,
and the poor diabetics, you see.)

So let's hit the road for some wonderful chow
at Monsanto's. My treat tonight, Boss!
I promise a dinner
that's out of this world...
By the way, have you paid your Blue Cross?


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Reviewed by John Flanagan 5/24/2010
You have the touch, Iolanthe! Can I try 'Filet of Flounder Fluorine'...not too keen on the mussels but very keen on the poem.

Reviewed by Debby Rosenberg 5/24/2010
Love It!
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 5/24/2010
Interesting pereption...

Be always safe,
Reviewed by Sage Sweetwater 5/24/2010
Poetic Insurance Premium glows in the dark, Lannie! Good one...

Reviewed by D Johnson 5/24/2010
Quite catchy, enjoyed.


Books by
Iolanthe Woulff

She's My Dad

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  1. Loss
  2. Falling
  3. Womanhood
  4. Mud Pups
  5. The red ink flower tree
  7. Bubble Slaves
  8. Waterfall
  9. Body Quakes
  10. He Took A Bath Once
  11. Quandary
  12. True Friends
  13. Beringia
  14. Ego
  15. Inevitable
  16. My Storm
  17. About Twenty Inches of Snow
  18. A Lovely Day For A Swim
  19. Enchantment
  20. The Shredding Machine

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