Continuing in the same vein, this piece pays homage to the immortal Tom Lehrer's unforgettable satire song, "Pollution".
Let's all go have dinner at Captain Monsanto's!
Believe me, their dishes are rare.
They've Snapper Selenium,
plus assorted Chemiques de la Mer.
The Mercury Swordfish is truly sublime,
while the Bouillabaisse glows in the dark.
The Bi-phenyl Clams
with an aspic of lead
go quite nicely with Phosphorus Shark.
I think just this once I'll have Crabs Becquerel:
Full-flavored, not too sweet or sour.
They come from a wrecked
old plutonium barge
and they parboil themselves in an hour.
Have you ever tried Filet of Flounder Fluorine?
It's delicious! Feels warm going down.
My extremities tingle
recalling that taste...
'Tis an entrée of widespread renown!
You might wish to sample the bright yellow Blackfish,
or maybe some Haddock of anti-freeze green.
Either's quite fine,
but do drink some wine.
They tend to be spicy, y'know what I mean?
Or how about trying some Lobster Monsanto?
These babies are red when they're caught.
The boats set their traps
by the nuclear plant,
where the hot current keeps the lines taut.
Their Molybdenum Mussels with Acetone Sauce
is a bit on the bland side for me.
(It's there for the old folks
who can't abide salt,
and the poor diabetics, you see.)
So let's hit the road for some wonderful chow
at Monsanto's. My treat tonight, Boss!
I promise a dinner
that's out of this world...
By the way, have you paid your Blue Cross?