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Tom Hyland

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  Don't Gimme No Tude!
by Tom Hyland
Friday, November 02, 2007
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL
           >> View all 514




Some will think I'm NUTS!
Others - he's got GUTS!
A few may say Im a KLUTZ!
No Ifs, or Ands, or BUTS!

Speaking of BUTTS -
what rhymes with ARSE?
Would COARSE be FORCED?
Or, t'would better be - FARCE?

Why do I write this CRAP?
Woke up from a midnite NAP.
The IDEA came, so I'm to BLAME,
That's my CLAIM to FAME!

If I happen to aggravate your grey MATTER,
or, make your heart to go PITTER-PATTER,
go grab a Donut and Java - and get FATTER!









Don’t Gimme No - TUDE

Copyright: 11/01/07 - Tom Hyland


POETIC LICENSE -
Liberties with the Normal Rules of Fact,
Style, or Grammar taken by a Writer or Speaker
In order to achieve a particular Effect.



SO - DUDE --
Please Give me some Latitude
Before you Cop an Attitude!



Elevation determines Altitude.
A Natural Talent is an Aptitude.
Something Blessed is a Beatitude.
Anything Feline is a Catitude!



When you are Sure, it’s a Certitude.
A Numbers Cruncher uses Datatude.
An Engorger has an Eatitude.
A Dieter has a Fatitude.



A Finite condition is Finitude.
Strength and endurance is Fortitude.
Thank You expresses Gratitude.
A tendency to Act in particular way is Habitude.



A Mad Hatter has Hatitude.
Incompetence equates with Ineptitude.
A Jade Collector has Jaditude.
Kvass is a Russian brew from Kvatitude.



Longitude is the Opposite of Latitude.
The Maddening Crowd suffers from Maditude.
A large crowd of people - a Multitude.
A Nit-Picker has Nititude.



Opportunity springs from Optitude.
Is this entire exercise a Platitude?
An Abundance is a Plenitude.
A Quack Salver practices Quackitude.



Righteousness is a Rectitude.
The state of being alone - Solitude.
Speckle Interferometry derives from Spectitude.
A Tactician utilizes Tactitude.



Ubiquitarianists embrace Ubiquitude.
A White Lie might be a Verisimilitude.
Witenagemots assembled in Wittitude.
WYSIWYG - a Mnemonic - or Wysisitude?



Xystus - a Walkway or Xystutude?
Yadda yadda yadda --- Yaddatude?
Yuppie Flu - chronic fatigue syndrome - Yupitude?
A Zapateado Dance gives one Zapitude!





There you have it,
A Blend of Real words taken from a Thesaurus
In WORD - with some FALSE or FORCED
Confabulations, hopefully causing YOU to THINK!
Maybe Fifty Percent or More are BS -
WHICH ARE WHICH?
Do you care enough to LEARN?


Could Xylogenous - be a Wooditude?
Will you look it up?



All of this CRAPOLA was obtained directly from
Simply using the internal Thesaurus in WORD,
There was no need to go online, or to GOOGLE.

Just for the sake of Education, or Edification,
Here are a few things I learned in this process:



CLERESTORY COACH -
A Railroad Carriage or Coach,
With a raised central section along its roof,
Containing small windows…

GEE - Another name for a CABOOSE?



CLERIHEW -
A humorous or satirical verse consisting of
Two Rhyming couplets in lines of irregular meter
About somebody who is named in the verse,
Usually in the first or second line.

LIKE MAYBE ?

MARY had a little lamb,
she tied it to the heater,

Every time he turned around,
he burned his little --- NOSE!


YAHWEH -
Or Yahveh or Jahveh, or Jahweh -
A name of God, expanded from the four letters,
YHWH (Tetragrammaton), that form the proper
Name of God in Hebrew.

A Yahwist or Yahvist is also called a Jehovist -
Is this the origin of JEHOVAH’S WITNESS?

I actually read about this fact about twenty years ago.


How about this one?

“JUMPING JEHOSHAPHAT”

In the Bible, he was a King of Judea who succeeded Asa,
And formed an Alliance with Ahab of Israel Against Syria.
(1, 2 Kings; 2 Chronicles).


***
GEE - THESE GUYS ARE STILL FIGHTING,
THOUSANDS OF YEARS LATER -

WHO’D A THUNK ?


J-PAL
TOM

OH - HAPPY ALL SAINTS DAY!






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Reviewed by Regis Auffray 11/8/2007
GEE - THESE GUYS ARE STILL FIGHTING,
THOUSANDS OF YEARS LATER -
WHO’D A THUNK ?

Good point, Tom. Cleverly concocted. Thank you. Love and peace,

Regis
Reviewed by Kimmy Van Kooten 11/2/2007
Yeah...'Don't Gimme No TUDE" either...its rackin' my gray
But man, Tom...this is GOOD STUFF!
Later Dude~
Love and Peace~
Kimmy~
Reviewed by Kathy Armijo 11/2/2007
I think you covered 'tude' from A to Z most eloquently and delightfully and in alphabetical order.

Sounds like your mind works like mine - not sure if that's good or bad, but it is lots of fun.

Kathy
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 11/2/2007
Tom,

Hate it when people spring 'tudes
So keep on, keep on writin', Dude!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 11/2/2007
SO - DUDE --
Please Give me some Latitude
Before you Cop an Attitude!

Copping an attitude would be very Rude,
So I Say, Just Keep On, Keepin On, Dude!
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 11/2/2007
"Before you Cop an Attitude"

Don'tcha just hate a cop with an attitude...e

Books by
Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

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