GOT AN AILMENT?

FEELING LOUSY?

HERE'S THE ANSWER,

FROM YOUR PALSY-WALSY!

DISCLAIMERS

Copyright: 02-29-08 - Tom Hyland


There’s a cure for Everything,
Just take my Pill.
If your legs fall Off,
Enjoy the Thrill!


Got a throbbing Headache?
Maybe even Migraine?
Pop a few Pellets,
So what - if you go Insane!


Got a Tummy-ache? Indigestion?
Maybe it’s just Gas!
Oops! Another Heart Attack!
Relax - this too will Pass!


Suffering with Incontinence?
Always got to Pee?
Swallow my Patented Poison,
It will work - Trust Me!


More words in the Disclaimer,
Warning - Caution - Beware!
I’ll keep the Symptoms,
Along with my Hair!


Got Insomnia? Can’t Sleep?
Chase down the Pink Ones,
With a pint of H2O,
What Alarm? What Beep-Beep?


Overslept? Couldn’t get Up?
Gee, that’s Tough!
Lost your Job?
Pobrocito! Poor Little Pup!


Slinky Snake?
Can’t get IT UP?
Engorge the Blue Pill,
Overfill the Cup!


Over Four Hours,
Now, can’t get IT Down?
Fa-Get-A-Bout the Doctor,
More Babes in Town!


If you’re from Venus,
And have a Nasty Itch,
Might be a Yeast Infection?
Or - STD - that makes you Twitch!


Take Me! Swallow Me!
Don’t be a Boor!
I might just Kill You,
Or maybe be the Cure?


Kind of Cranky?
Maybe it’s PMS?
Couldn’t be a Brain Tumor -
Well, that’s my Guess!


Rheumatoid Arthritis?
Living with Pain?
Just - POP -POP - POP -
Then go Play in the Rain!


Diabetes Mellitus? Too much Sugar?
Not to worry - the Finger-Pricker is Free,
Then, forever Inject Insulin,
Take Me! Take Me! Take Me!


The Selections on the Shelves are Enormous,
We’re at your Beck and Call,
But, please Read the Label,
‘Cause we’re never ever, Out of GALL!


Maybe Insurance will Cover It.
Maybe it Won’t -
No Money for Food?
Damned if you DO - Damned if you DON’T!


Fingernails Soft?
Can’t get them Hard?
Cover with Polish,
Charge on your Card!


Got Ugly Wrinkles?
Maybe Crow’s Feet?
Rub in some Lard,
It can’t be Beat!


Corns? Calluses? Bunions? Really Sore Feet?
Aisle Forty-Two - Try Dr. Scholl’s -
Use the stuff called Skin,
Off of Dead Moles!


Feel Tired? Need a Lift?
Aching Tootsies? Always Swellin’?
Aisle Ninety-Eight -
Just get Gellin’!


Speckled Face? Could it be Rubeola?
Who Cares? Just rub in some Cream!
You’ll become Gorgeous,
A Living Dream!


Measles? Nah - Couldn’t Be -
Had That as a Kid!
Or - was it Mumps?
No Worries - I Did! I Did! I Did!


Kids driving you Nuts?
Are they Hyper-Active?
Feed them some Drugs,
And maybe a Strong Laxative?


There’s an Answer for Everything!
Pharmaceuticals Galore!
Fa-Get-A-Bout Side Effects -
Just PLOP-PLOP, FIZZ-FIZZ - more, and More, and MORE!


Starve a Cold - Feed a Fever!
That’s the Admonition -
I think ALL the Drug Companies Should -
Say a Good Act of Contrition!


Got a Headache? Can’t Shake It?
Sniffles - Runny Nose - Even Sneezes?
Apply Directly to the Forehead -
HEAD-ON really Teases!


Or maybe the answer is an Herbal Remedy?
So don’t be Forlorn -
The latest Rage upon the Stage is -
Victoria Knight-McDowell’s AIRBORNE!


Funny how the FDA may Say -
Be wary of HomeoPathic,
Yet, Prescription Poisons are Sold, by the Rich and Bold,
And make some users - Psychopathic!


Arthritis - Rheumatoid, or Otherwise,
Does not make you - Healthy, Wealthy, or Wise -
But amidst all the Clamor and Cries -
Continued Addiction to POPPING - ALL LIES!


CANCER - Do “THEY” really WANT to find a Cure?
I THINK NOT!
Placebos and Endless Treatment are kept at the Fore,
TRUTH IN MEDICINE MUST BE FOUGHT!



Why is it that the Disclaimers,
Sound much Worse than the Cure?
As for me - I’ll KEEP MY SYMPTOMS -
An Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away,
So - NATURAL attracts me More!



P.S. - In writing this piece I discovered a website -

http://www.hylands.com/aboutmain.php


DISCLAIMERS


I AM NOT RELATED!
I HAVE NEVER USED!

BUT, I AM GOING TO CHECK IT OUT!



PEACE - TOM