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  Home > Health/Wellness > Poetry
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Tom Hyland

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Member Since: Feb, 2003

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Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· Delegate or Stagnate

· THE PARTY OF NO - PART DOS !

· sick - sicK - SICK !

· Is Life Just an Impulse ?

· BGE Sucks !

· THE END !

· MEDITATION ?

· LES MISERABLES

· EBOLA CRISIS

· SICK OF TV ADS


Poetry
· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

· LIFE IS LIKE ... A BOOK

· DRUTHERS 2 ... ?

         More poetry...
News
· PATRICIA ANN ALLEN

· JERSEY DEVIL... aka KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT Update !

· JERSEY DEVIL HANGING IN THERE STILL !

· ED MATLACK IN HOSPITAL !

· ONE MILLION !

· ONLY 2,639 TO GO!

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Tom Hyland, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

  Disclaimers
by Tom Hyland
Friday, February 29, 2008
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL
•  DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?
           >> View all 513




GOT AN AILMENT?

FEELING LOUSY?

HERE'S THE ANSWER,

FROM YOUR PALSY-WALSY!







DISCLAIMERS

Copyright: 02-29-08 - Tom Hyland


Thereís a cure for Everything,
Just take my Pill.
If your legs fall Off,
Enjoy the Thrill!


Got a throbbing Headache?
Maybe even Migraine?
Pop a few Pellets,
So what - if you go Insane!


Got a Tummy-ache? Indigestion?
Maybe itís just Gas!
Oops! Another Heart Attack!
Relax - this too will Pass!


Suffering with Incontinence?
Always got to Pee?
Swallow my Patented Poison,
It will work - Trust Me!


More words in the Disclaimer,
Warning - Caution - Beware!
Iíll keep the Symptoms,
Along with my Hair!


Got Insomnia? Canít Sleep?
Chase down the Pink Ones,
With a pint of H2O,
What Alarm? What Beep-Beep?


Overslept? Couldnít get Up?
Gee, thatís Tough!
Lost your Job?
Pobrocito! Poor Little Pup!


Slinky Snake?
Canít get IT UP?
Engorge the Blue Pill,
Overfill the Cup!


Over Four Hours,
Now, canít get IT Down?
Fa-Get-A-Bout the Doctor,
More Babes in Town!


If youíre from Venus,
And have a Nasty Itch,
Might be a Yeast Infection?
Or - STD - that makes you Twitch!


Take Me! Swallow Me!
Donít be a Boor!
I might just Kill You,
Or maybe be the Cure?


Kind of Cranky?
Maybe itís PMS?
Couldnít be a Brain Tumor -
Well, thatís my Guess!


Rheumatoid Arthritis?
Living with Pain?
Just - POP -POP - POP -
Then go Play in the Rain!


Diabetes Mellitus? Too much Sugar?
Not to worry - the Finger-Pricker is Free,
Then, forever Inject Insulin,
Take Me! Take Me! Take Me!


The Selections on the Shelves are Enormous,
Weíre at your Beck and Call,
But, please Read the Label,
ĎCause weíre never ever, Out of GALL!


Maybe Insurance will Cover It.
Maybe it Wonít -
No Money for Food?
Damned if you DO - Damned if you DONíT!


Fingernails Soft?
Canít get them Hard?
Cover with Polish,
Charge on your Card!


Got Ugly Wrinkles?
Maybe Crowís Feet?
Rub in some Lard,
It canít be Beat!


Corns? Calluses? Bunions? Really Sore Feet?
Aisle Forty-Two - Try Dr. Schollís -
Use the stuff called Skin,
Off of Dead Moles!


Feel Tired? Need a Lift?
Aching Tootsies? Always Swelliní?
Aisle Ninety-Eight -
Just get Gelliní!


Speckled Face? Could it be Rubeola?
Who Cares? Just rub in some Cream!
Youíll become Gorgeous,
A Living Dream!


Measles? Nah - Couldnít Be -
Had That as a Kid!
Or - was it Mumps?
No Worries - I Did! I Did! I Did!


Kids driving you Nuts?
Are they Hyper-Active?
Feed them some Drugs,
And maybe a Strong Laxative?


Thereís an Answer for Everything!
Pharmaceuticals Galore!
Fa-Get-A-Bout Side Effects -
Just PLOP-PLOP, FIZZ-FIZZ - more, and More, and MORE!


Starve a Cold - Feed a Fever!
Thatís the Admonition -
I think ALL the Drug Companies Should -
Say a Good Act of Contrition!


Got a Headache? Canít Shake It?
Sniffles - Runny Nose - Even Sneezes?
Apply Directly to the Forehead -
HEAD-ON really Teases!


Or maybe the answer is an Herbal Remedy?
So donít be Forlorn -
The latest Rage upon the Stage is -
Victoria Knight-McDowellís AIRBORNE!


Funny how the FDA may Say -
Be wary of HomeoPathic,
Yet, Prescription Poisons are Sold, by the Rich and Bold,
And make some users - Psychopathic!


Arthritis - Rheumatoid, or Otherwise,
Does not make you - Healthy, Wealthy, or Wise -
But amidst all the Clamor and Cries -
Continued Addiction to POPPING - ALL LIES!


CANCER - Do ďTHEYĒ really WANT to find a Cure?
I THINK NOT!
Placebos and Endless Treatment are kept at the Fore,
TRUTH IN MEDICINE MUST BE FOUGHT!



Why is it that the Disclaimers,
Sound much Worse than the Cure?
As for me - Iíll KEEP MY SYMPTOMS -
An Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away,
So - NATURAL attracts me More!



P.S. - In writing this piece I discovered a website -

http://www.hylands.com/aboutmain.php


DISCLAIMERS


I AM NOT RELATED!
I HAVE NEVER USED!

BUT, I AM GOING TO CHECK IT OUT!



PEACE - TOM






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Reviewed by Mr. Ed 3/1/2008
I love watching these drug commercials, and every time my wife says 'maybe I should try that,' I tell her to wait for the long list of side effects - nausea, the shits, dizziness, chance of stroke or heart attack - then she says, 'I guess I don't need that.'

I'm waiting for their new crop of commercials. After they recite the long list of nasty side effects for the first drug advertised, I soon expect them to say - "And Good News! To counteract the terrible side effects of this first pill, try our brand new drug ANTI-SIDE EFFECT, and it's available without a prescription!!
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 2/29/2008
Always need to read that fine print, sometimes the cure is worse than the ailment itself, nice, right to the point....

Be always safe,
Karen
Reviewed by Rebecca Lerwill 2/29/2008
I couldn't help but laugh. This poem is too close to the hard reality not to find some humor in it. The best thing is during a TV commercial for a drug, when they play that happy elevator music and a lovely voice explains that SOME serious side effects have accured.... including death.
Becca~
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 2/29/2008
We are a drug dependant society - take one pill after another - need one to counteract the side effects of this one and another to counteract the side effects of that one - crying shame, isn't it? Excellent thought provoking write, TomKat.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

Books by
Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

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