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Tom Hyland

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Member Since: Feb, 2003

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Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· Fun With Some CON Words

· RACISM

· GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!

· BERRIES

· MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY

· TALK IS CHEAP !

· The BLIMP

· 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH

· NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS

· BEATING A DEAD HORSE ?


Poetry
· SHRIMPY

· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

· LIFE IS LIKE ... A BOOK

         More poetry...
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Books by Tom Hyland
  AGE
by Tom Hyland
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL
           >> View all 514




How OLD are you?

You are only as old as you FEEL!

But, what if you have a Teenager TRAPPED inside a 68-year-old BOD with Aches N' Pains that feel like you are 86?

THIS - my Friends N' Fiends - is where HUMOR helps a lot!

To BE - or Not to BE -
THAT - is the Question!

and the Answer is ...
opening Envelope ...
stuttering ...
DRUM ROLL ...

"THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ONE MORE BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL DAY !!!





AGE

© - Tom Hyland - 01-06-09


Age - Minus Nine Months = Only a Gleam in Daddyís Eye!
Age - Plus Six Months = SOON!
Age - Zero = E.R. Ward - Daylight at End of Tunnel!
Age - One MINUTE = WAAAAAAH! Itís A BOY! Itís A GIRL!
Cigars All Around!

Age - One Year = First Happy Birthday!
Age Seven Years = the Supposed Age of Reason =
Knowing Right from Wrong? But - Do They?
First Confession and First Holy Communion.
Age Twelve = ALMOST TEENAGER - YAY!

Age Thirteen Years = Confirmation or Bar/Bas Mitzvah.
Age Sixteen = SWEET SIXTEEN = First Kiss?
First PREGNANCY? No Contract Abilities!
Age Eighteen = Old Enough to Go to WAR and DIE!
BUT - NOT TO VOTE - in Some States!

Age Twenty-One = ADULT! = Responsibility! =
Legal DRINKING Age! = Set ĎEm Up, Joe!
Age Twenty-Five = Almost Middle-Aged - AND -
Hopefully - a College Graduate - BUT BROKE!
Age Thirty = CONGRATULATIONS! = MIDDLE-AGED!

Age FORTY = Over The HUMP! =
ALL DOWN-HILL NOW! WORK YOUR BUNS OFF!
Age Fifty = Welcome to AARP!
Start Thinking About RETIREMENT PLANNING!
Age Sixty-Five = USED TO RETIRE AT FULL SSA BENEFITS!
Now - ADD 6-9-12 Months or Get PENALIZED!

AGE SIXTY-EIGHT = ME! = OLD - BROKE - RETIRED -
BUT - Still Must WORK Part-Time or STARVE!
Age Seventy = Usually = WELCOME TO NURSING HOME!
Age Seventy-Five = Still Alive, but No More JIVE!
Age Eighty = DUH? WHO AM I?

Age Ninety = WHO ARE YOU?
Age Ninety-Five = EVEN KIDS ARE DEAD NOW!
AGE ONE HUNDRED = FULL CIRCLE! =
BUT WHO CARES, OR GIVES A RATíS RECTUM?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

AGE?

HELL - ITíS JUST A NUMBER - RIGHT?

SURE!


© - TKH





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Reviewed by Mr. Ed
HELL - ITíS JUST A NUMBER - RIGHT?

I think I'm just gonna quit counting, and keep living!
Reviewed by m j hollingshead
good one
Reviewed by Flying Fox Ted L Glines
ROFLMSAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, and would you believe, some 68-year-old guy in Gaza City is waking up in a bomb crater saying "THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ONE MORE BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL DAY !!!"

Wendy will love this one, too, since you included "Bar/Bas Mitzvah".

Government actuarial tables say that folks born in 1940 were supposed to live to be 62. So I guess we died in 2002; dang, we missed our own funeral :-)

Ted
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo
So cool and love the humor too! Ah, what is AGE but a chronological number set down by who????

Be always safe,
Karen
Reviewed by Marcia Miller-Twiford
If you stop and really think about it we're all still 12. Great write!
Reviewed by Connie Faust
Enjoyed your comical look at age and aging. I know what you mean about the trapped teenager--I'm the same (teen) age as you, and well acquainted with the aches and pains!
Don't despair, God has plans and a purpose for you and me. I want to be on duty, ready for His directions all the time. Even in old age, said the Psalmist, He is with me. SURE!
cONNIE
Reviewed by Lois Christensen
Good top part. Did not spend much time on bottom one. Was too confounded by the top part. Yes, we are lucky to be here each day and I am fortunate too that I woke up alive again and don't I know it. Your writes are good though throughout the year.
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
Happy Birthday, Tom. I'm 49. :D Body's convinced it's 112. LOL Enjoy your day, and I loved what you said at the beginning of your write:

"Thank you, Lord, for one more beautiful, wonderful day!" AMEN!!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
Who are you again & I am only 54, but then again I am not shore, you're only as old as you look, and brother when i saw you last summer, well, I can't go on or I might lose what few teefies I got left...;-) Ed

The Angel of Luxury and Sadness, Volume One by Ian Irvine (Hobson)

A detailed study of the origins of the New Alienation. The author labels it normative or postmodern ennui and traces its rise to cultural power over the last two centuries...  
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