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Tom Hyland

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  LIARS and THIEVES
by Tom Hyland
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL
•  DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?
           >> View all 513




NO - Virginia - it does Not all rhyme nicely - I LIED -

It's a Story - disguised as a Poem.

I took Matlack's advice (which is RARELY good) and renewed my Poetic License - so I'm 'legal' again, albeit as a 'Learner.'

If any of this crapola sounds familiar - can i at least get an - AMEN?








Liars and Thieves

© - Tom Hyland - 05-27-09

Anyone Remember ENRON?
And Arthur Anderson - Their CPA Firm?
And the Government ‘Regulatory’ Agencies?
Who Was “Minding the Store?”

Just Who Juggled What Figures?
How? Where? Why? When?
Although I am no Accountant, I did Pass:
Elementary, Intermediate, and Tax Accounting.

I don’t Remember all the Classifications and Rules,
But there was a thing called GAAP -
Generally Accepted Accounting Procedures -
Basic TRUTHS that were - Supposed to be Honored.

I’ve often Wondered - What If -
A Company had Thousands or even Millions of Dollars -
All Neatly Tucked Away under Capital Reserves -
Like for - Research and Development - Say -

Or for Land and Equipment - or some Other Category -
Everything looks Fine on their Year-End Balance Statement
or Annual Report - But Johnny Stockholder Was Being Cheated!
Hourly - Daily - Monthly - Quarterly - Annually!

What If - They Had All Year Long to Play - With These Funds?
Suppose they were Invested in the Stock Market?
And when the Market went Up - Sold and Siphoned Off Capital Gains -
Then, the CEO’s and Board - PAID THEMSELVES BONUSES?

A Year Later, the Same Reserves, or Even Slightly More Money -
Would Still Make the Annual Report Look Good - Wouldn’t It?
Just WHO is Checking on Such Transactions?
Let’s Look at Another Gimmick, or Possibility:

The Stated Values of Beginning and Ending Inventories -
Sales Minus Expenses Equals Net Profit Before Taxes.
Beginning Inventory Plus Purchases Minus Ending Inventory Equals -
Cost of Goods Sold - Which is an Expense to Offset Sales - and Profits!

Now, How do we Value Inventory?
Several Methods are available to every Company -
FIFO = First In, First Out - LiFO = Last In, First Out -
Or - Some Other Idiotic Method!

Consider a Huge Petroleum Company Manipulating
The Figures Used on Reporting Sales and Profits -
By Lying about its Inventory Costs and Methods -
Face it - Who is Checking Those Huge Tanks?

Who Really Knows How Old Oil Is?
Say it was Purchased Five Years Ago at a Low Barrel Price -
Then, later Refined, Sold as Prices at the Pumps are Higher -
But Claimed Cost of Goods Sold at - Higher Current Barrel Price?

Why are there Three Different Octanes at the Pumps?
How Come All Stations Claim the Exact Same Rating?
Coincidence? Can You Tell the Difference?
Does Your Car Really Know?

Do You, like Me, always Buy the Cheap Stuff - 87 ?
And Maybe Once a Year, on your Car’s Birthday -
SPLURGE - and Treat it to a Tank of High Octane?
Sit - Oo-Boo - Good Dog!

And - How about those Transportation Departments?
Federal - State - City - County - Borough - Parish -
Always ‘Fixin’ Up’ Them Thar Roads n’ Bridges n’ Tunnels -
YET - they are ALWAYS in such Disrepair - How Come?

And the BRILLIANCE of it All - Right under Our Noses!
Day-Time - Night-Time - Over-Time - During RUSH Hours!
EMERGENCY Crews - Working Diligently - Ad Infinitum -
But - Seemingly - NEVER EVER DONE - or Done Right?

I Love How - They Tear Up the Roads -
Install New Sidewalks and Curbs -
In Industrial or Commercial Areas -
Where - No People Ever Actually WALK!

Then - After These Pretty New Concrete Wonders
Are Finished - They Pack Up and Leave -
ONLY - to Return a Week or Two Later -
And Tear Up the Same Roadway AGAIN - Why?

Oh - Now they’re Fixin’ some Underground Pipes -
Or Electric Cables, or Gas Lines - or Sumpin’ ?
And - What I Really Love Is That -
They Create Newer, Worse - Humps, Bumps, and Holes!

But - Not to Worry -
They’ll be Back Again - SOON!
To Obstruct Traffic Yet Again -
Re-Paving the Whole Shebang!

About Five Miles of Route 7 in Rosedale, Maryland
Has been ‘Under Construction’ for Almost
THREE YEARS NOW -
“Regress is Their Most Important Product!”

Ooh - Ooh - How About Them Thar Daily Traffic Reports?
“Eye in The Sky” and other TV and Radio ‘Rush Hour’ News -
The Very SAME - Delays - Accidents - Back-Ups -
In the Exact Same Places - EVERY DAY - Over and Over - and Over!


Did I Hear You Say - DUH?
INSANITY - Repetition of the Same error!

Does No One in Government Ever Learn Anything?
Both The Morning and Evening Back-Ups -
Along Interstate 95 Have Been Horrendous for Years Now!
THEIR Answer? More Disrupting Construction!


Back-Up on 95 North - Causes Back-Up on Beltway 695 -
Which Causes Over-Flow to Route 40 East -
Which Spills Over to Philadelphia Road Route 7 -
And Eastern Boulevard 150 East!

Like Scurrying Roaches - Everybody Switches -
This Way - That Way - DUH!
DON’T THEY GET IT?
A Skillion-Dollar Study is Needed!

The Bottom-Less Pockets of the Taxpayers -
Are Just Dying to Fill the Bottom-Less Pockets -
Of the Transportation Departments -
Who Will FILL the Pockets of the Engineering Companies!

Been Going On Now - For Years and Years and Years!
But - Who Knew?
Certainly Not You!
Driving with BLINDERS On - Are You?

But - I Digress! Back to The Topic -
LIARS and THIEVES

Wall Street Gurus - Mortgage Bankers - Regular Bankers -
Insurance Companies - Investment Firms - Pyramid Schemes -
Fannie Mae - Freddie Mac - The MISNOMER Federal Reserve -
Madoff’s Menagerie - Corporations - The GUV’MINT!

Can You See Any Pattern Yet?
Are you Blind? Stupid? DEAD?
How About The Media?
Would They SKEW or STEW the News?

Financial Meltdown! Economic Catastrophe!
Recession? Depression? Inflation? Deflation?
Complication? Obligation? Recognition? Perdition?
“You Can’t Tell The ‘Players’ Without A Scorecard!”


COME ON!
GIM’ME A BREAK!


The ‘Heads of State’ Have Steered The ‘Ship of State’
Right Up the Barrier Reefs and Onto The Rocks -
Piloted by The Greedy Corporate CEO’s -
While Being Pampered and Protected by The ‘Fifth Estate!’

Meanwhile - Back at The Ranch -
The Baa-ing Sheep are Wallowing Knee-Deep in Sheep-Shit!
Could it be that WE are really SHOATS?
Little Piglets That Have Been WEANED!

As Sheep - We’ve Been Shorn - and Gleaned -
Now - as Shoats, or Shotes - We Have Been Weaned -
On - Mountains and Mountains and Mountains Of -
BULL-SHIT !


© - TKH

AFTERTHOUGHT:

Ever notice those big Yellow CAUTION Signs
on the Roadside that say:
GROOVED PAVEMENT ?

Ever notice that because of Friction, your tires get better Traction?
Especially going around Curves, and when the road is Wet?
So - Here’s a Thought -
Why not LEAVE the Grooves There?

DUH?





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Reviewed by Regis Auffray 6/16/2009
Yes indeed, Tom! No wonder things are in such a mess. Thank you for this apt and timely write. Love and peace to you,

Regis
Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw) 5/30/2009
Hi Tom, A tremendous write! and yes a plethora of liars and thieves feeding mountains and mountains of bullshit! When Bush first went into Iraq, they "discovered" a bunker filled with billions of dollars of American money. This "news" was flashed on the TV news ONE TIME, never to be mentioned or heard of again. What happened to all that money? Hmmm, we will never know, at least not the truth anyway.... You could have titled this Did You Know, but then, nobody believes anyway... thank you for sharing... glad you got your poetic liscense back.. :)

In Spirit,
Bear
Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 5/29/2009
Lots of stuff to ponder here once again Tom. On the plus side, if you want to call it that, free thinkers and logical ones who persist in tell it like it is are pensioned off here in the West. But in places like China and the old USSR you either got shot, sent for an attitude adjustment or poisoned with plutonium. I'll take retirement rather than to be shut up for good. Cheers and tears, J'nia
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 5/29/2009
Does No One in Government Ever Learn Anything?

Some of us actually do, so they force us to quit or to retire - no 'boat rocking' or 'thinking outside the box' is ever allowed or tolerated. I seriously doubt any of the atrocities you describe will ever change; they have become far too entrenched; and far too few citizens even seem to care. We truly have become a nation of Sheep.
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 5/29/2009
First the photo, a nice and clear picture of our Washington Congressmen posing for posterity?
Gimme Route 66 and a old Harley and I will visiting friends for the long three months that it will take me to reach Chicago from San Francisco, starting with an old Concord CA Sheriff and stopping for a beer at PeeWee's place before hitting Jersey's Ed compound for that Coors that rub him the wrong way!

Georg

Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 5/28/2009
Wow you sure have said a mouthful!! I can tell you as an accountant they hired themselves a team that could do some pretty fancy footwork....

Be always safe,
Karen
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 5/28/2009
You need to get into politics, Tom, as you could be a filibuster all your own lasting all day and well into the night, though I do agree with all said above, seems to fit US all like the proverbial glove...Ed
Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER 5/28/2009
This groovy my friend, and I got a lot of traction out of it, finicky accounting , I mean thieving, has finally caught up to the last penny, there are no more in the jar, except the taxpayer, if he's working, and doesn't do finicky accounting himself, but then he's not allowed that, corporations business, or governments are the only ones and the rest of the gangsters. The free press instead of doing their investigative reporting in a good democracy, is asleep at the switch, or wait a minute I forgot they are also most of them corporations, I wonder if there is any legit money to be made by the mafia, except for paving and cement, dead bodies and funeral homes. Did you mention people like Blackwater at all, and some of their affiliates, I think they're from Texas, where there is a lot of that so rare stuff, oh, I forgot that's oil, in tanks or otherwise,
well I much enjoyed this article, as I do all your writing.
Blessings! Jasmin Horst

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