"Water water everywhere -
but not a drop to drink!"
Read on, MacDuff!
© - Tom Hyland - 2-20-10
In Paradise, The Garden of Eden,
I’m guessing that Adam and Eve
Had only one solitary Choice -
Water - Agua - H2O.
Then, they ate The Forbidden Fruit
From The Tree of Knowledge -
Supposedly, it was the Apple Tree.
Thus, endowed with some ‘Smarts’ -
T’would then seem that their Second Choice
Might well have been ‘Apple Juice’?
Face it - they Knew That -
“An Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away!”
Chronologically then, it would Follow,
That when Eve reached a certain Term
Carrying Cain - she started Lactating -
Perhaps, purely out of curiosity,
Adam Tasted that ‘Forbidden Fruit’ - Milk?
So - now we have Three Liquids from which to Choose.
But, after the First-Born was Delivered,
And the Newborn Babe got First Choice -
The “Old Man” had to look Elsewhere!
Was it a Goat, or a Cow, that next gave him Suck?
Paps, was the archaic term, way back Then -
As opposed to Pabst, which came much Later!
Be that as it may, the Plot now begins to Thicken.
Next thing you know - Bingo!
Ole Eve is ‘With Child’ yet Again!
But, now concerned with her ‘Girlish Figure’
Maybe Abel was the First ‘Bottle Baby’?
Parenthetically, did you know That -
Man is the Only Animal that drinks Milk
From Another Animal?
Es Verdad, Amigos!
So - by and by, in some later Generation -
Somebody accidentally squashes some Grapes,
The Fermented juice is Consumed,
And VOILA! Wine enters the Scene!
Was it not Isaac, who was ‘Drunk with Wine’
When his Second son, Jacob, fooled Him -
And Stole Esau’s Birth-right?
To This Day, the Jews and Arabs Fight over This!
Eventually, more and more Generations are Born -
And Somebody discovers that Water,
Added to fermented Grains produces Another Drink,
And Beer is Born!
As Mankind advances rapidly with Knowledge,
Experimentation, and Technology -
It finds that many, many Fruits can become Wine.
Grapes, Cherries, Peaches, Pears, Plums -
Hell - even Dandelion Wine!
Alcohol leads to Alcoholism -
And its many Repercussions -
Physical Abuse - Mental Abuse -
God Bless Drunkenness!
By and by, Somebody - perhaps the Ancient Chinese?
Discover that leaves from various and sundry Herbs -
Have Medicinal Properties - and Tea is Born!
Green, Orange-Pekoe, Black, Ginger, Herbal -
And many, many years later - even ‘Earl Grey’!
Lipton’s, Tetley, Red Rose, Twynham’s -
And many more Trademarked Brands
Eventually Sprang Up.
“Tea Time” and “Tea For Two”
Became quite Prominent.
Remember “A&P”? Another Trademark -
The Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company -
They founded thousands of Retail Establishments,
Once called ‘Grocery Stores’ - or ‘Super-Markets’!
Somewhere along the Line - Someone discovered Sugar!
Sugar Cane, Sugar Beet, Sugar Maple, Sugar Corn -
New sources of Sweetness, that were Preceded
By Honey - which Man Stole from Honey-Bee Hives!
This, naturally, led to more and more Trademarks -
Soda, Soda Pop, Pop - Oops!
Just discovered a new Word - Popliteal -
‘Part of the Leg, behind the Knee Joint!
Soda - “a refreshment made with flavored carbonated Water
And ice Cream, usually served in a tall Glass.”
Coke, Pepsi, Royal Crown, 7-Up, Nehi, Yoo-Hoo -
And - more, more, more Trademarks!
Today’s Epidemic Proportions of Diabetes -
And Obesity in both Children and Adults
Can be Attributed to this Fine Discovery!
Boy! That ‘Tree of Knowledge’ has worked Wonders!
Oops! Accidentally omitted another Drink -
Whiskey - Liquor - Liqueur - Brandy - Gin - Vodka -
Stronger forms of Alcohol which Certainly
Take their Toll in Family Break-Ups and Job Losses -
Not to mention Drunk-Driving Accidents!
So - There you have It -
How Mankind has managed to Add
All kinds of Additives and Chemicals
To God’s Perfect Thirst-Quenching Liquid -
WATER - H2O - RAIN - SNOW - ICE.
© - TKH.
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|Reviewed by Regis Auffray
|Thank you for sharing your wit and humor as you make a most valid point, Tom. Love and peace to you,
|Reviewed by Tom Hyland
|** P.M. ** as in - POST MORTEM ... as opposed to Post Script ...
Oddly enough, just a few days after posting this piece, watched a Documentary about ‘Secrets of The Great Pyramid - in it, they showed a ‘dig’ in which a 4,500 year-old Carsophagus was accompanied by none other than ‘beer jars’ - so, apparently the ancient Egyptians were drinking beer, way back then!
Considering that they stored Grains in Silos, which were often Guarded during periods of possible Famine - wheat, and malt, and hops were probably quite prevalent! Who knew?
|Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
|Very, very amusing but you missed Adam's first hangover, hard cider. Love your reference to the Pabst bottle baby. That became my first blue ribbon headache! Patrick|
|Reviewed by Georg Mateos
Chivas Regal 21 years Salute
Remy Matin 25 years VSOP
Captain Morgan Dark Rum
Bailey's Irish Cream
who the heck needs water?
|Reviewed by John Domino
|This poem makes me want to go back to the bacic H2O.
Good job Tom!
|Reviewed by steve Chering
|Nice long-long write. Loved reading it. And after being struck by the hand of.?.myself, its a wonder I can still read at all...?|
|Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
It is the worst drought we have in history....Western province - Between - George + Port Elizabeth!!
|Reviewed by George Carroll
|Good thing water lasted or we'd all be gone. Time was only eclipsed by the ponderous variations in your words and how each evolved into the wisdom of this poem.
|Reviewed by Ed Matlack
|No thank you on the alchohol, but I do love milk & some sodas, though diet are what I drink nowadays...by the way, you ARE long winded or long writing, hee-hee...ed|