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Tom Hyland, click here
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"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"
THE PIC ? 'STOOL-PIGEON' ...
AKA 'RAT' ... OR 'STOOGE' ...
OR 'HUNTER'S DUMMY PIGEON' ...
'THREE STOOGES' ...
IS WHAT 'THEY' ONCT WERE!
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ABSURD?
© - Tom Hyland - 3/8/12
ab- Latin prefix = away from, off ...
surd = irrational root or number ...
ERGO ...
Absurd =
1. ridiculous because of being irrational,
Incongruous, or illogical ...
2. lacking any meaning that
would give purpose to life.
While there is no picture in The
Encarta World English Dictionary ...
Go to an early edition of Funk & Wagnall ...
You’ll find a mirror image of Matlack!
The ‘key’ verb here comes from meaning # 2 ... Lack.
Mat = something for wiping the feet ...
Lack = shortage or absence of something.
Q.E.D. Matlack = wipe feet - no brains!
Thusly, it is readily seen that ...
Smart people tend to ...
‘Pick on’ or ‘wipe feet on’ ... Dummies!
Is this theory Absurd?
Let us take a ‘Look-See’ ...
Ridiculous? Check!
Irrational? Check!
Incongruous? Check!
Illogical? Check!
Lacking meaning? Check!
No purpose in life? Check!
Cries ‘ALAS!’ a Lot? Check!
‘Woe is Me’? Check!
In days of Olde ...
When Knights (Peewee n’ Me) were Bold ...
Knaves (like Wuss-A-Lot) were oft’ Wiped On!
They were mostly ‘Fetchers’ ... Get This! Do That!
More likely than Not ...
These Absurd creatures - Knaves ...
Were also frowned upon by the Ladies ...
And regarded as being Lecherous.
The immoral stares, glares, and Ogles ...
That these Knaves Gave ...
Caused the ‘weaker sex’ to Cringe ...
While, Knights of course, got Ribbons for their ‘Lances’!
Lech, Letch, or Lecher ...
Were common terms used to Describe ...
These useless Knave Underlings.
Buffoon ... was actually a Kinder Term!
ABSURD?
Once Upon a Time ...
There were Three Little ED’s ...
Well, actually Four, if’n you count Wimmin!
Tiger Lily Ed was an Adopted Sister ...
Anyways, there was Georg Edvard The Elder ...
Peewee Ed, The ‘Saintly Savior’ Type,
And, ‘Jersey Devil’ Ed, the Youngest of the Litter!
A 'STINKY' kind of Critter!
Why’d I say ‘Litter’?
That’s axially a Misnomer ...
‘Cause Each had a Different Father ...
Mostly ‘cause their Ma liked Travelin’ Salesmen!
For years, n’ years n’ years ...
They had many, many Mis-Adventures ...
They traveled here n’ there, n’ Everywhere ...
All over the God-Forsaken Globe ...
Bein’ Pirates n’ Poets, Pawns n’ Kings ...
Had Parties n’ ORGIES,
n’ other promiscuous Things ...
Everything was just Fine, But ...
Ole Georg Mateos Edvard, the Really Old Geezer ...
Up n’ DIED on ‘em! Dammit!
So, not unlike Ole ‘Puff The Magic Dragon’
The other two Ed’s slipped sadly into Caves!
Ole Cuz Tom Ed, the ‘One-Eth’ ...
The ‘Trailer Trash’ member of the Fambly ...
Tried to give ‘em a Purgative ...
N’ Cuz Pat Ed, The Putrid, built an Eight-Seater ...
N’ the Two Manly Cousins ...
‘Huffed n’ Puffed’ ... But ...
Jus’ couldn’t put the Two ‘Dumpties’
Back together Again!
Ole Edvard, who was a ‘Sharp-Shooter’
Would-a been Pissed ...
To see his Two Bros mournin’ like This!
“Two Wusses!” Is what HE would Say!
If’n HE was to come back from the Grave ...
He’d give ‘What For’ ...
To this Knight n’ this ‘Knave’!
He’d give ‘em Hell, for not bein’ Brave!
What ewe Both Need ...
Is a ‘Kick in the Arse’ ...
Come On Out Fightin’ ...
Gim-me Some Sass!
In Memory of ‘Sir Georg’ ...
I say to you ‘Sir’ ...
“Pull Up yer Boot-Straps!”
So Sayeth ‘Sir Cur’!
ABSURD?
YEW BET YER SWEET BIPPY!
Once upon a Time ...
These Two ED’s Had ...
‘Big Brass Balls’ ...
Now - They jus’ Jaws n’ Jaws n’ Jaws!
© - TKH.
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| Reviewed by E T Waldron |
3/11/2012 |
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I can only hope you and Jurseeeeeeeeeey,will stop this name calling path you have taken,before it gets nasty. We are a happy family,and I'd hate to see it ruined,when we can all get along if we try.
tiger lily |
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| Reviewed by Ronald Hull |
3/11/2012 |
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Nice tirade… What is the definition of absurd?
Ron |
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| Reviewed by Patrick Granfors |
3/10/2012 |
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Jaws n' jaws n' buns n' buns.
The eight seater proved inadequate for the load
Cuz Pat Ed |
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| Reviewed by Mr. Ed |
3/10/2012 |
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“Once upon a Time,
These ED’s all had ‘Big Brass Balls’
Now – They jus’ Jaws n’ Jaws n’ Jaws!”
Dear Sir Cur,
As the old Ed Family Historian, I feel that it’s my duty to point out one important fact here. The ancient Ed Family has a very proud tradition of producing some of the world’s finest Eunuchs. It would therefore be extremely difficult for most Eds to ‘grow a set’ now. And the ‘Big Brass Ones’ were mainly used for show.
A eunuch is a person who (by the common definition of the term) may have been castrated, typically very early in life. Castration was typically carried out on the soon-to-be eunuch without his consent in order that he might perform a specific social function. The earliest records for intentional castrations to produce eunuchs date back to mankind’s caveman days.
Over the millennia ever since, eunuchs have performed a wide variety of extremely important functions in many different cultures and societies: courtiers or domestics, treble singers, religious specialists, government officials, politicians, military commanders, and, of course, guardians of women or harem servants.
As you know, old Brother Edvard was a decorated military commander, and I was a government official for many years. Alas, old Brother Jersey Ed has never really found his calling, but our dear old Ma still has high hopes for him.
And now you know why I rescue abandoned animals these days, and why I place such high importance on getting them all ‘fixed.’
You may also not know why your cousin Jersey is so deathly afraid of mice. To spare him the ghastly truth, old Brother Edvard had fabricated a bedtime story for him that a field mouse had ‘chewed them off’ when he was just a tiny little tyke. Jersey still cringes today whenever he sees one.
PS: Ma wants to know if you know anyone in Bawlmer who might be willing to give your cousin Jersey Ed a job as a domestic servant or as a treble singer – she doesn’t think he’d be very good in a Harem.
PPS: Ma also wants to know if you know any available traveling salesmen.
PPPS: And now you know why all those Viagra commercials refer to men suffering from ‘ED.’
PPPPS: The Annual Eunuch Convention is being held this year in Atlantic City in June. Wanna Go?
Your Cousin Pee Wee Ed,
The Old Ed Family Historian
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| Reviewed by Ed Matlack |
3/9/2012 |
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| I got ur jaws you old fart bitch...while I use my jaws to eat & smoke, u use urs to talk too much...now you know from which Ed this did come from, the one with the ability to drive down to Bawlmer and bust an old mans ass cause I know right where u live, passed it many a time, near the old sewer plant, no breathing around you can anyone do, no they can't...u'll get urs & old brother Edvard(k) will be most proud...and boy will ur Bawlmer Bawlin' be quite altogether loud...Jursssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey |
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