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Tom Hyland

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· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

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· SHRIMPY

· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL

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Books by Tom Hyland
  SUMTHIN' PURTY ?
by Tom Hyland
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL
           >> View all 514




"I SAW ESAU, SITTIN' ON A SEESAW ...
I SAW ESAU, WITH MY GIRL ...
GIVIN' HER A MERRY WHIRL ...
WHEN I SAW ESAU, HE SAW ME ...
N' I GOT RED, N' SAW SO SORE ...
SO, I GOT A SAW, N' I SAWED ESAU ...
OFF THAT OLE SEESAW!"

SAT THAT ... TEN TIMES ... QUICKLY!

THE PIC? A CARNATION 'JINGLE' THAT ...
DIDN'T 'MAKE THE CUT' !





SUMTHIN’ PURTY ?


© - Tom Hyland - 6/5/12


When I wuz Young, and had No Sense -
I Took my Girl behind a Fence -
Laid her Head upon a Rock -
Introduced her to my ...

PARAPHERNALIA!

1. Assorted Objects or Items of Equipment,
Often Things that seem Amusing, or Strange, or Irritating!

2. In Former Times, Items of Property given to a Wife,
On her Wedding, by her New Husband,
And Thereafter ... Legally Her Own!


Lavender Blue ... Dilly Dilly ...
Lavender Green ...
Lavender Blew Everybody ...
For He ... Was a ... ‘Queen’!


Little Miss Muffet ... Sat on a Tuffet ...
Eating her Curds n’ Whey ...
Along came a Spider ... Sat down beside Her ...
And Said: “What’cha got in the Bowl, Bee-Utch?”


Once Upon a Midnight Dreary ...
A Raven was Known to Say:
“We’ll Kick your Arse in the Super Bowl ...
You ‘All-Pro’ Dearie!”


There Once wuz a Knave ...
In the Joisey Barrens ...
Who Picked his Teeth on ...
Rotting Crows, called Carrions.

He Wrote, n’ Wrote, n’ Wrote ...
‘Bout Anythin’ to Please Ya ...
But What he Really Had ...
Was a Thang called ...

PARAMNESIA ...

1. False Memories of Events That ...
Really Did Not Take Place!

2. An Inability to Recall ...
The Meanings of Common Words!


There Once was a Lad ...
Out Chicago Way ...
Who Collected Critters ...
Every Single Day!

His Lovin’ Wife ... Mean Tall Woman ...
Wuz oft’ Apt to Say:
“Yew Smell like those Curs ...
So ... To the Dog-House Ewe Stay!”

Ole ‘Pee-Wee’ Wood Tuck Tail ...
‘Tween his Legs ...
N’ ‘Twixt the Critters ... Down on All Fours ...
Lap Up the ... Orts n’ Dregs!


Way Out West ... in Californification ...
The Craziest Place in Hour Entire Nation ...
Lives a Lad, name of ‘Cuz Pat’ ...
Who Thinkz IT is ... ‘Where It’s At!’

He’s Quite a Writer ...
A ‘Poet Who Don’t Know It’ ...
Who Ought to be on a Stage ...
“There’s One Leaving ... in Half an Hour!”


Then, There’s Felix ... Not the Cat ...
Dubbed ‘Cuz Fee’ ...
A Third Cousin ... Thrice Removed ...
From Knave ‘Wuss-A-Lot’s Bro ... Lil Pee-Wee!


Afore we End this Diatribe ...
Let Us Not be Remiss ...
To Give ‘Honorable Mention’ To ...
‘Tiger Lily’ ... Their Sibling Sis!

An’ The Poor Ole Lady ...
Who Once Lived in a Shoe ...
Dear ‘Ancient Ed’ MA ...
Who Many a Salesman ... Did She ‘KNEW’!


SOMETHIN’ PURTY ?


Or is It Merely ... Full of LUST?
That’s my Little Ditty ... of Disdain ...
I Hope it did Not Fill Yew ...
Wif’ Contempt ... Nor DISGUST!


“As the Sun Slowly Sinks ... Way Out West”
Poor Ole ‘Sir Cur’ ... Cuz Tom-Kat ...
The ‘One-Eth’ of the Bunch ...
May Now Be Dubbed As ... ‘Out-To-Lunch’!

“LET THE GAMES BEGIN!”

© - TKH.
 



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Reviewed by Ed Matlack
U've always been "out 2 lunch" at least as far as I am concerned, just as this write does prove completely...e
Reviewed by Ronald Hull
What in the hell did you eat for breakfast? Creative Quirkies? I haven't seen such a burst of creativity since I read Mark Twain back in '86. Keep up the good quirk.

Ron

I saw that Carnation line credited to an old lady. My father worked for Carnation back in the day. I grew up on condensed milk. Later, I heard they were supporting the John Birch Society.

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
Now why would a girl be interested in your clock?
You must have confused me with your other cuz Pat because this one thinks Californication is a significant toilet bowl and if he had the fare would be on that stage today. Take a lesson from the Hatfields and Mccoys recently aired. You be stirrin' the pot. The real cuz P
Reviewed by jude forese
just hope when you laid her head on the rock you did it gently ...

smart & fun to read ...

Reviewed by Victoria's Poetry & Voices of Muse
what a play on words TOM!!! lol
I wuz ah read'n sum of these with
my muse Pearlie Mae & it wuz funnyyy
You have a mighty fine funny bone there Mister Tom Hyland!! :)
(about those salesmen-snickers)
Milkmen & Milk Jugs
Vickie
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