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Mr. Ed

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Member Since: Apr, 2003

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· My Dog Is My Hero

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Through Katrina's Eyes, Poems from an Animal Rescuer's Soul

· Mystery of Madera Canyon

· Cemetery Island

· Gold River Canyon

· Curious Creatures - Wondrous Waifs, My Life with Animals

Short Stories
· The Easter Skunk

· The Dog At The Drive-Thru Window

· Home For The Holidays

· Two Bonded Street Orphans, In From The Cold

· A Survivor's Tale

· Pigs, Turtles, and Bugs!

· Gentle Cemetery Dog Finally Safe

· Freezing, Starving, and Scared

· A Home For The Holidays

· The Dog On The Tracks

· I Am a Dog, Not a Thing

· Ghost Dog Rescued From Hot Dog Stand

· February is 'National Spay/Neuter Awareness' Month

· The 2014 Home 4 The Holidays Campaign

· Saving Our Canine Vets, This Veterans Day

· November is 'Adopt-A-Senior-Pet' Month

· National Pit Bull Awareness Day

· Keep Your Pets Safe This Halloween

· October is 'Adopt-A-Dog' Month

· Pet Theft Is On The Rise

· It's Poppy Time Once More

· Please Don't Worry So Much, H.P.

· Meatloaf Matlack

· A Walk With Dogs

· Earth Day Blues

· What Have We Become

· The Victims of Our Cruelty

· The Shredding Machine

· Happy Easter From Valentino

· A Woodland Chat

         More poetry...
· Chicken Soup for the Soul: Loving Our Dogs

· The Daily Mews

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Another Review For Curious Creatures-Wondrous Waifs

· Recipient of the 2006 Merial Human-Animal Bond Award

· International Writing Award

· My Animal Book Wins an Award

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  Birthday Love
by Mr. Ed
Monday, October 18, 2004
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Mr. Ed
•  It's Poppy Time Once More
•  Please Don't Worry So Much, H.P.
•  Meatloaf Matlack
•  A Walk With Dogs
•  Earth Day Blues
           >> View all 1,518


Growing old is mandatory;

Growing up is optional.”


                            ~Chili Davis



Today is my lovely spouse’s birthday,

She hates being teased about her age;

But like a blooming old idiot,

I always do it anyway.


I have constantly reminded her,

That age exists only in our minds,

But I had to hide our frying pan,

I truly would not like being fried.


To make matters even worse,

I just remembered her birthday two days ago,

I knew I had to come up with something,

That would proclaim my love most bold.


I soon rushed out to get her some fragrant flowers,

But all the gems in my neighbor’s yard had died,

So I quickly raced over to the local candy store,

But the sale had already ended; gosh darn it, I tried.


Then I excitedly thought about

Getting her some camping gear or beer,

When I very sadly realized

That’s what I had gotten her last year.


So, I raced over to a woman’s clothing store,

To excitedly purchase a blouse, skirt, or dress,

When I suddenly realized I didn’t know her size,

And God forbid I should make the wrong guess.


Next, I rushed over to the animal shelter,

Thought that I would get her a pet,

When I very sadly realized

She hasn’t gotten over the last seven yet.


So, I eventually decided

To enroll her in AARP,

But when I thought it over,

I realized membership wasn’t free.


Then at dawn’s early light, it finally hit me,

That’s when I jumped up and said, “Aah!”

I quickly rummaged through a chest in our attic,

And came up with an elegant old Babushka.


I truly hope my dear wife likes it,

I suppose it’s in fashion with women her age,

So I guess I’m not so dumb after all,

I kind of think this gift is sage.


I’ve already written out her birthday card,

I’ve penned these sentiments from my heart,

And I find this to be extremely touching,

From her extremely romantic old fart.


“My dearest dearest Darling,

I present this Babushka to you,

I loved my granny who wore it,

And Sweetie, I truly love you, too!”


Happy Birthday, Honey!



Wow! Writing this romantic poem was lots of fun,

I wonder if I could compete with Handsum Hart?

Maybe I will change my name to:

The Romantic Old Fart.


(On second thought, I am dead meat.)


(I sure hope she doesn’t read this poem.)


(And I better take her to McDonalds for dinner.)





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Reviewed by Rose L 10/19/2004
You never cease to amaze me with your wit and humor!! I cannot believe how much I missed everyone here!

Any wife would find this amusing I should think, though hiding the frying pans - good move my friend! LOL Just a thought, hide the sharp instuments too. :)

Just goes to prove that love comes in many forms....and humor is one of my personal favorites!

Happy Birthday to your lovely bride from a fellow Libran (I turned 43 on October 16.) :)



Reviewed by Ted Sheridan (Reader) 10/19/2004
I can't stop peeing I'm laughing so hard.
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 10/18/2004
Kool 4 kats, just got this REM cd, they just get better, listening I feel they are on the side of real people...

Reviewed by Kate Clifford 10/18/2004
LOL are you ever dead! :-) but I am sure after she hits you a few times she will smile and hug you knowing and loving you for who you are :-) Thanks for such a fun sharing.
Reviewed by Peter Paton 10/18/2004
Wonderful and amusing Ed

Reviewed by E T Waldron 10/18/2004
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!I haven't laughed this hard since I started laughing;-)
You are without a doubt the king of fundom...If I were Rebecca, I'd put you in a cage with the animals and forget you all for a week!On second thought I'm sure you'd be right at home!;-)lol

Happy Birthday Rebecca, and many more to come...(make him pay!;-)
Reviewed by Nordette Adams 10/18/2004
ROFL! This is wonderful. Tell her "Happy Birthday!" from the Mad Woman of Route 22/Jersey. I know of a little town where you can hide in Quebec, Canada. LOL. Hurry before it snows.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 10/18/2004
I do hope the dogs don't mind you sharing their doghouse for a few days, if they do however, Rufuz says he will share his couch with you...and as the perfect angel I am, I have no idea how you could forget your beautiful, forgiving, compassionate wife's birthday...the woman is a gem to put up with you as it is...HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REBECCA! Hope you both find peace, or she gets a piece of you, Ed & rufuz
Reviewed by Abdi-Noor Mohamed (Eagle Of Hope) 10/18/2004
This so sweet Ed Kostro. In my country one should always avoid two things: To tell or ask a women about her age and a man about his salary. Wonderful write.
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 10/18/2004
No matter how small the gift it is the thought that counts....right RebBbBbBbecca??

Now Little Eddie you have to tell this Dumb South Africa what the heck a "Babushka " or bottom...middle or uppernose???

I thought you said Bazuka????

Now that could be very dangerous!!



Love Tinky

Reviewed by Sandie Angel 10/18/2004
Methink you are in much trouble for not getting her gift in advance. Heeeheee!

Hhhhhhmmmm....okay. Here's the story my mom tells me all the time...

When she asked my dad what he was going to get her for her birthday, my dad always said, "Me!" (meaning himself).

...but I think eventually he would go and buy her the gift and take her out to dinner.

Sandie May Angel :o)
Reviewed by Kate Burnside 10/18/2004
By the time you read this your head will have been drilled with the contents of the DIY-kit you bought your lovely spouse last Christmas! This is almost the equivalent of what my brother said about my ageing mother at his daughter's wedding: "So pleased Mother could be with us today... and she being all of 111!! Oh no, sorry ladies and gentlemen... she's not 111, she just looks it because she's ill!!" RIP, Ed Kostro... we'll miss you!! Jus kiddin!! Happy Birthday, Rebecca, and I do hope your husband lives to survive his next one! How can she resist you, Ed? You're such a romantic! LOLOLOL Kate xx
Reviewed by Lisa Hilbers 10/18/2004
You are in sooooooooo much trouble! I'm sending her a new frying pan! You know? The good strong heavy metal kind? The kind that will make you remember well in advance next year!!!! Cause the bump is still going to be on your head!!!
If I were you I'd start running and hiding now!


Books by
Mr. Ed

Where The Redwing Sings

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My Dog Is My Hero

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Curious Creatures - Wondrous Waifs, My Life with Animals

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Through Katrina's Eyes, Poems from an Animal Rescuer's Soul

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Cemetery Island

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Gold River Canyon

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Mystery of Madera Canyon

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  1. Democracy at Work
  2. Over internet-ed...
  3. This is Ed's computer talking...
  4. From the Institute of Word-ology
  5. Sunny Days and Mondays
  6. SUCK...
  7. Smile, Darn It
  8. Mushmouth Kostro...
  9. My Ass Is Grass
  11. Summer Doth Approach...
  12. Reincarnation
  13. A Guitar
  14. Have You Seen Ur-Anus?
  15. Wednesday was 70 Degrees...
  16. Kostro's always pickin' on me...AGAIN
  17. The Toilet Seat
  18. My Good Friday Procedure
  19. Sadie Graylow
  20. Confusion say: Men who play with selves r

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