Join Free! | Login 

   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Billy Allmon, iKate Saundby, iZannah Hackett, iTerry Vinson, iJackie Miller, iJames Becher, iSandy Lender, i
  Home > Memoir > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Mr. Ed

  + Follow Me   

· 1,820 titles
· 27,295 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: Apr, 2003

   My Blog
   Success Story
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews

· My Dog Is My Hero

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Through Katrina's Eyes, Poems from an Animal Rescuer's Soul

· Mystery of Madera Canyon

· Cemetery Island

· Gold River Canyon

· Curious Creatures - Wondrous Waifs, My Life with Animals

Short Stories
· The 4th of July Kittens

· The Easter Skunk

· The Dog At The Drive-Thru Window

· Home For The Holidays

· Two Bonded Street Orphans, In From The Cold

· A Survivor's Tale

· Pigs, Turtles, and Bugs!

· Gentle Cemetery Dog Finally Safe

· Freezing, Starving, and Scared

· A Home For The Holidays

· Very Sadly, Not Much Has Changed In The Last Ten Years

· June is 'Adopt A Cat Month'

· I Am a Dog, Not a Thing

· Ghost Dog Rescued From Hot Dog Stand

· February is 'National Spay/Neuter Awareness' Month

· The 2014 Home 4 The Holidays Campaign

· Saving Our Canine Vets, This Veterans Day

· November is 'Adopt-A-Senior-Pet' Month

· National Pit Bull Awareness Day

· Keep Your Pets Safe This Halloween

· Ode to Scruffy

· Three Tiny Terrified Souls

· Their Abysmal Fourth of July

· Rainy Day Walkabout

· My Buddy

· It's Pet Appreciation Week

· Another Lesson From A Dog

· Just Nature

· It's Poppy Time Once More

· Please Don't Worry So Much, H.P.

         More poetry...
· Chicken Soup for the Soul: Loving Our Dogs

· The Daily Mews

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Another Review For Curious Creatures-Wondrous Waifs

· Recipient of the 2006 Merial Human-Animal Bond Award

· International Writing Award

· My Animal Book Wins an Award

Mr. Ed, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Books by Mr. Ed
  An Old Cookie Ogre's Sad Lament
by Mr. Ed
Friday, June 23, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.

Share   Print   Save

Recent poems by Mr. Ed
•  Ode to Scruffy
•  Three Tiny Terrified Souls
•  Their Abysmal Fourth of July
•  Rainy Day Walkabout
•  My Buddy
           >> View all 1,524


In Sad Response to AD Member A Pax’s Wicked Poem,

PARADISO OREO – Cookies Gotz No Brains – Part 3




“Beware of the Wicked Queen A Pax, My Innocent Little Boy,

Her Followers Will Trick You, With Their Scrumptious Decoys.”


My Grandfather




If you ever wander into the woods late at night

You must try to remember this frightening story

Because if you ever forget this very terrifying tale

I know that just like me - you’ll soon be very sorry


Deep deep in the dark magical forest realm

Waits an evil family of Queen A Pax’s trolls

They’re an extremely wicked bunch of creatures

It’s said that they are thousands of years old


They live in a spooky dark wooden house

Right next to a very tall gnarled old pine tree

And they delight in tricking all the night travelers

Offering them scrumptious cookies – absolutely free


They will soon invite you in

To warm yourself by their fire

Then they’ll serve you ice-cold milk

And all the yummy cookies you desire


And their cookies are so good

You’ll want to eat more and more

But you’ll soon regret eating them

As they finally show you to the door


You must listen to me very very closely now

If you ever pass this house in the dark forest

Don’t be tricked by A Pax and her tricky trolls

Or you’ll soon be filled with a terrifying remorse


Anyone who eats their tainted magic cookies

Is turned into a wretched old ogre with no hair

And these trolls will then laugh and send you out

For all the other innocent night travelers to scare


And ever since that very wretched night so long ago

When I stumbled upon wicked Queen A Pax and her trolls

I have been forced to live the life of an insatiable Cookie Ogre

Whose lust for tiny Cookie People spins completely out of control


You see, I am now a toothless demon horrid

With a very grotesque huge belly lined in brass

And I wash my cookies down with beer and milk

And my God I can’t stand my noxious farts and gas


My ogre’s head is filled with pimples

Oh God it’s such a slimy pulpish waste

And now I have two very pointed horns

Above my very blotched and hideous face


And from my fat putridly rotting buttocks

My horrendous crack spews a very long tail

With a very sharp edged point at the very end

That I use to spear tiny Cookie People as they wail


So if you are ever wandering in the deep dark eerie forest

And you happen to run into a frightening old ogre in despair

Just remember that he too was once a very naďve and innocent child

Who ate the cookies - from A Pax - and her tricky trolls - out there



Now You Know How Evil She Really Is,

And Why She always Wickedly Yells Out,



And Now You Finally Know

Why I So Desperately Cry Out,

“Got Any Milk, Amigo or Amiga?”


Alas why didn’t I listen to my sage old grandfather

Oh how I wish that I could somehow relive the awful past

But since I cannot I fear that this bloody war must continue

‘Death to All Cookie People and Down With the Diabolical A Pax’





“Look, Ma – No Hands!”

(And No Pants…)




©2006, Extremely Innocent Ogre Ed




Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by L. Figgins 6/25/2006
You are seriously demented. Ain't it grand, lol!

Reviewed by Kate Clifford 6/24/2006
Glad you didn't describe down under :-) Delightful write.......hmmm guess I'll skip the cookies!
Reviewed by J M 6/24/2006
Reviewed by Chrissy McVay 6/24/2006
Too funny! I was completely spooked by the cookie ogre and will tread on tiptoe past her dark, evil cave...
Reviewed by Helen Downey 6/24/2006
TOO MUCH! Great read!

Reviewed by Sara Coslett 6/24/2006
Hahahahaha...munch on Ed, muncha bunch. ~ Sara
Reviewed by Shoma Mittra 6/24/2006
Delightful ! :-) shoma
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 6/24/2006
Extremely Innocent Ogre Ed you are my favorite Cookie okay!!

Love Tinky
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 6/24/2006
LOLOLOLOLOL! Sad? Not in the least! Absolutely hysterical! You the man--er, ogre. :) A loveable one at that (((((HUGS))))).

Love, Karla.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 6/24/2006
Fun write, Ed, and love the artwork! You creative genius, you! Very well done; bravo!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by richard cederberg 6/24/2006
Ed . . .
I can't tell you how much pleasure this write brought me. Kinda reminds me of what my boss looks like! (-:

I, too, will be avoiding those diabolical cookies. And what in the world happened to your pants? Did those cookies make your belly swell so much that they were ripped off? Or are these cookies the new viagra?

Reviewed by Ken Colonsay 6/23/2006
delightful fairytale, Ed, about the danger of trolls and sweet sticky buns, cakes, sweet things that are not all they seem, etc.
Reviewed by jude forese 6/23/2006
you're on a cookie roll ...
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/23/2006
"You see, I am now a toothless demon horrid
With a very grotesque huge belly lined in brass
And I wash my cookies down with beer and milk
And my God I can’t stand my noxious farts and gas
My ogre’s head is filled with pimples
Oh God it’s such a slimy pulpish waste
And now I have two very pointed horns
Above my very blotched and hideous face"

Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 6/23/2006
Sounds like my kind of gal...

I off to the forest with my friends. "Come on Hansel, come along Gretal, we've got some munches"
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 6/23/2006
I am left quite speechless. I guess I'm glad I don't eat oreos. Thank you, Ed. Love and peace,

Reviewed by A PAX 6/23/2006
dfjlkdfjkl;dsfkldfkl;j= LAUGHING FIT!!!
I am just loving this!!!!!

So now we have a history, huh? Ok, I can handle, it.....wait till my next post, but for the record, let me sayyyyyyyyy

Please contact my message board, and I will bake you into the story....

I knead names lol

No one will be judged, we are only human, and come with faults, but we are not beyond redemption, for I believe life holds that perfect receipe.

Join in my mix!!

And together, we shall rise! We shall rise!! We shall rise!!

Ed this is the most fun I have had poeming in ages!!!

ty for the sweet inspiration, you Ogre!

Queen A Pax
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 6/23/2006
good one
Reviewed by Sandie Angel 6/23/2006
I like peanut butter and jam sandwich. Does she has some? Heehee!

I have not read A PAX's poem yet,but this one is cute. Not of your usual scenic style.

Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
Reviewed by E T Waldron 6/23/2006
Between you and APax so far I call it a draw! This war must end, because you have offened all peoples ends with what comes out of your ends so until then I'll read from afar and hope you stay out
of her cookie jar! LOL (two nutz met in a poem and started a cookie
war, who would believe it;-) hehehehehe

tiger lily
Reviewed by Peter Paton 6/23/2006
I am going to stick to jam tarts for the meantime, I don't
trust those cookies just now with Queen Pax's trolls on the rampage...;)
And I want to keep my own teeth for the distance !
Love the continuing cookie banter and leg pulling !
It has lifted the recent dark and serious mood that had descended on the Den lately !

Reviewed by Crystal Silver Angel (Reader) 6/23/2006
I'm with George..gulp, lol..
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 6/23/2006
ohmygosh! Loved it, could read on these cookieogre writes for ever and ever and ever, as long as we have cookies...
Reviewed by George Carroll 6/23/2006
Sounds like hell to me. LOL
Reviewed by Sherry Heim 6/23/2006
I can feel the gaseous rumble all the way out here in New Mexico, Ed. Perhaps it was from your hot and noxious farts that the fire in the Gila Forest began?? One has to wonder. This is a fun banter, Ed. I will have to tune in later for the next update.
Take care,
Popular Poetry (Memoir)
  1.  Mourning Song
  2.  Wild
  3.  Snowy Morning Walk
  4.  Day Dreaming In The Snow
  5.  I'm Pressing On...I'm In His Hands
  6.  JD’s Rose - Nicole
  7.  A Tribute to Clint…
  8.  Simple
  9.  The Glance - 1944
  10.  My First Grand...

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.