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Mr. Ed

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  An Old Cookie Ogre's Sad Lament
by Mr. Ed
Friday, June 23, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Mr. Ed
•  Nature's Free Gifts
•  On Frozen Pond
•  We Are Their Voice
•  Happy Paczki Day!
•  Another Innocent Soul Out In The Cold And Snow
           >> View all 1,509





-->

In Sad Response to AD Member A Pax’s Wicked Poem,


PARADISO OREO – Cookies Gotz No Brains – Part 3


 


 


 


“Beware of the Wicked Queen A Pax, My Innocent Little Boy,


Her Followers Will Trick You, With Their Scrumptious Decoys.”


 


My Grandfather


 


 


 


If you ever wander into the woods late at night


You must try to remember this frightening story


Because if you ever forget this very terrifying tale


I know that just like me - you’ll soon be very sorry


 


Deep deep in the dark magical forest realm


Waits an evil family of Queen A Pax’s trolls


They’re an extremely wicked bunch of creatures


It’s said that they are thousands of years old


 


They live in a spooky dark wooden house


Right next to a very tall gnarled old pine tree


And they delight in tricking all the night travelers


Offering them scrumptious cookies – absolutely free


 


They will soon invite you in


To warm yourself by their fire


Then they’ll serve you ice-cold milk


And all the yummy cookies you desire


 


And their cookies are so good


You’ll want to eat more and more


But you’ll soon regret eating them


As they finally show you to the door


 


You must listen to me very very closely now


If you ever pass this house in the dark forest


Don’t be tricked by A Pax and her tricky trolls


Or you’ll soon be filled with a terrifying remorse


 


Anyone who eats their tainted magic cookies


Is turned into a wretched old ogre with no hair


And these trolls will then laugh and send you out


For all the other innocent night travelers to scare


 


And ever since that very wretched night so long ago


When I stumbled upon wicked Queen A Pax and her trolls


I have been forced to live the life of an insatiable Cookie Ogre


Whose lust for tiny Cookie People spins completely out of control


 


You see, I am now a toothless demon horrid


With a very grotesque huge belly lined in brass


And I wash my cookies down with beer and milk


And my God I can’t stand my noxious farts and gas


 


My ogre’s head is filled with pimples


Oh God it’s such a slimy pulpish waste


And now I have two very pointed horns


Above my very blotched and hideous face


 


And from my fat putridly rotting buttocks


My horrendous crack spews a very long tail


With a very sharp edged point at the very end


That I use to spear tiny Cookie People as they wail


 


So if you are ever wandering in the deep dark eerie forest


And you happen to run into a frightening old ogre in despair


Just remember that he too was once a very naïve and innocent child


Who ate the cookies - from A Pax - and her tricky trolls - out there


 


 


Now You Know How Evil She Really Is,


And Why She always Wickedly Yells Out,


“Muuhaahaa!”


 


And Now You Finally Know


Why I So Desperately Cry Out,


“Got Any Milk, Amigo or Amiga?”


 


Alas why didn’t I listen to my sage old grandfather


Oh how I wish that I could somehow relive the awful past


But since I cannot I fear that this bloody war must continue


‘Death to All Cookie People and Down With the Diabolical A Pax’


 


 


SPEAR, CHOMP, SLURP, BUUURP…


 


“Look, Ma – No Hands!”


(And No Pants…)


 


 


 


©2006, Extremely Innocent Ogre Ed


 


 

 


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Reviewed by L. Figgins 6/25/2006
You are seriously demented. Ain't it grand, lol!

Lin
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 6/24/2006
Glad you didn't describe down under :-) Delightful write.......hmmm guess I'll skip the cookies!
Reviewed by J M 6/24/2006
I LOVED IT ED!!!!!!
Reviewed by Chrissy McVay 6/24/2006
Too funny! I was completely spooked by the cookie ogre and will tread on tiptoe past her dark, evil cave...
Reviewed by Helen Downey 6/24/2006
TOO MUCH! Great read!

Helen
Reviewed by Sara Coslett 6/24/2006
Hahahahaha...munch on Ed, muncha bunch. ~ Sara
Reviewed by Shoma Mittra 6/24/2006
Delightful ! :-) shoma
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 6/24/2006
Extremely Innocent Ogre Ed you are my favorite Cookie okay!!

Love Tinky
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 6/24/2006
LOLOLOLOLOL! Sad? Not in the least! Absolutely hysterical! You the man--er, ogre. :) A loveable one at that (((((HUGS))))).

Love, Karla.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 6/24/2006
Fun write, Ed, and love the artwork! You creative genius, you! Very well done; bravo!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by richard cederberg 6/24/2006
Ed . . .
I can't tell you how much pleasure this write brought me. Kinda reminds me of what my boss looks like! (-:

I, too, will be avoiding those diabolical cookies. And what in the world happened to your pants? Did those cookies make your belly swell so much that they were ripped off? Or are these cookies the new viagra?

Richard
Reviewed by Kenny Baez 6/23/2006
delightful fairytale, Ed, about the danger of trolls and sweet sticky buns, cakes, sweet things that are not all they seem, etc.
Reviewed by jude forese 6/23/2006
you're on a cookie roll ...
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/23/2006
"You see, I am now a toothless demon horrid
With a very grotesque huge belly lined in brass
And I wash my cookies down with beer and milk
And my God I can’t stand my noxious farts and gas
My ogre’s head is filled with pimples
Oh God it’s such a slimy pulpish waste
And now I have two very pointed horns
Above my very blotched and hideous face"

DAMN & I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT WAS YOU, RELATIVE TO THE JERSEY DEVIL, UGLIER THAN SIN, BUT i WILL KEEP IT TO MYSELF FOR A PALTRY FIN...ed & RUFUZ
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 6/23/2006
Sounds like my kind of gal...

I off to the forest with my friends. "Come on Hansel, come along Gretal, we've got some munches"
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 6/23/2006
I am left quite speechless. I guess I'm glad I don't eat oreos. Thank you, Ed. Love and peace,

Regis
Reviewed by A PAX 6/23/2006
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dfjlkdfjkl;dsfkldfkl;j= LAUGHING FIT!!!
I am just loving this!!!!!

So now we have a history, huh? Ok, I can handle, it.....wait till my next post, but for the record, let me sayyyyyyyyy

ALL THOSE WHO ARE FOR COOKIES OR AGAINST COOKIES (eating them that is)
Please contact my message board, and I will bake you into the story....

I knead names lol

No one will be judged, we are only human, and come with faults, but we are not beyond redemption, for I believe life holds that perfect receipe.

Join in my mix!!

And together, we shall rise! We shall rise!! We shall rise!!

Ed this is the most fun I have had poeming in ages!!!

lol
ty for the sweet inspiration, you Ogre!

Queen A Pax
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 6/23/2006
good one
Reviewed by Sandie Angel 6/23/2006
I like peanut butter and jam sandwich. Does she has some? Heehee!

I have not read A PAX's poem yet,but this one is cute. Not of your usual scenic style.

Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
Reviewed by E T Waldron 6/23/2006
Between you and APax so far I call it a draw! This war must end, because you have offened all peoples ends with what comes out of your ends so until then I'll read from afar and hope you stay out
of her cookie jar! LOL (two nutz met in a poem and started a cookie
war, who would believe it;-) hehehehehe

tiger lily
Reviewed by Peter Paton 6/23/2006
Ed
I am going to stick to jam tarts for the meantime, I don't
trust those cookies just now with Queen Pax's trolls on the rampage...;)
And I want to keep my own teeth for the distance !
Love the continuing cookie banter and leg pulling !
It has lifted the recent dark and serious mood that had descended on the Den lately !

Peter
Reviewed by Crystal Silver Angel (Reader) 6/23/2006
I'm with George..gulp, lol..
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 6/23/2006
ohmygosh! Loved it, could read on these cookieogre writes for ever and ever and ever, as long as we have cookies...
B&R
Reviewed by George Carroll 6/23/2006
Sounds like hell to me. LOL
Reviewed by Sherry Heim 6/23/2006
I can feel the gaseous rumble all the way out here in New Mexico, Ed. Perhaps it was from your hot and noxious farts that the fire in the Gila Forest began?? One has to wonder. This is a fun banter, Ed. I will have to tune in later for the next update.
Take care,
Sherry

Books by
Mr. Ed



My Dog Is My Hero

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Where The Redwing Sings

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Curious Creatures - Wondrous Waifs, My Life with Animals

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Through Katrina's Eyes, Poems from an Animal Rescuer's Soul

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Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




Cemetery Island

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Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..




Gold River Canyon

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Mystery of Madera Canyon

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Amazon, more..



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