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Mr. Ed

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· My Dog Is My Hero

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Through Katrina's Eyes, Poems from an Animal Rescuer's Soul

· Mystery of Madera Canyon

· Cemetery Island

· Gold River Canyon

· Curious Creatures - Wondrous Waifs, My Life with Animals

Short Stories
· The 4th of July Kittens

· The Easter Skunk

· The Dog At The Drive-Thru Window

· Home For The Holidays

· Two Bonded Street Orphans, In From The Cold

· A Survivor's Tale

· Pigs, Turtles, and Bugs!

· Gentle Cemetery Dog Finally Safe

· Freezing, Starving, and Scared

· A Home For The Holidays

· Very Sadly, Not Much Has Changed In The Last Ten Years

· June is 'Adopt A Cat Month'

· I Am a Dog, Not a Thing

· Ghost Dog Rescued From Hot Dog Stand

· February is 'National Spay/Neuter Awareness' Month

· The 2014 Home 4 The Holidays Campaign

· Saving Our Canine Vets, This Veterans Day

· November is 'Adopt-A-Senior-Pet' Month

· National Pit Bull Awareness Day

· Keep Your Pets Safe This Halloween

· Ode to Scruffy

· Three Tiny Terrified Souls

· Their Abysmal Fourth of July

· Rainy Day Walkabout

· My Buddy

· It's Pet Appreciation Week

· Another Lesson From A Dog

· Just Nature

· It's Poppy Time Once More

· Please Don't Worry So Much, H.P.

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· Chicken Soup for the Soul: Loving Our Dogs

· The Daily Mews

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Another Review For Curious Creatures-Wondrous Waifs

· Recipient of the 2006 Merial Human-Animal Bond Award

· International Writing Award

· My Animal Book Wins an Award

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  A Red Headed Ed
by Mr. Ed
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Rated "G" by the Author.

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•  Ode to Scruffy
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           >> View all 1,524

Chapter Four - Battle of The Eds



The Fourth Exciting Chapter,

In The New Comic Book Series,

Based On The Ancient Book of Ed,

‘There Can Be – Only One - Ed.’


“A most great and perfect location,
Be that land, you Eds think to take;
And on its very shores, a new nation,
Of fine Bordellos, This ‘Ed’ will make.”


Pirate La Belle Edwina Rouge



It was just gettin mighty dog gone interesting

As we four Ancient Brothers Ed prepared to fight

When we smelled perfume on the sea all around us

And a most interesting ship now appeared in the night


An extremely lovely red haired lass stood out on its deck

The Lady Marmalade flag was flyin over its polished wood

She and her very busty crew of shipmates drew our attention

As I guess this most experienced female pirate knew she could


“Ahoy there, on yer raggedy ships, me long lost Brothers Ed,

Ye all best be includin me in this epic ‘Ed’ battle for this isle,

I hereby Challenge for the Ancient Birthright of Immortal Eds,

Me birth name’s Edwina!” and how she so enchantingly smiled


“Blimey!”  shouted Commodore Eddy Andrew Turner,

“OH, NO!” quickly chimed in that rascal Jersey Devil Ed,

And I, Pee Wee Noah Ed, was now too shocked to even speak

Seeing our long lost sister, Edwina, with her flaming hair of red


“Is that really you, Mon Sister, Edwina?” Edvard quickly asked,

“I don’t believe I have seen you since the Napoleonic Wars, Lass;

As the elder ‘Ed’ I must uphold our Honor Code, So No Incest, Sis!

But I Say Welcome Red Haired Belle, your ship will be sinkin fast!”


“Just hold on one danged minute, Edvard!” cried Jersey Devil,

Who ever said Girls were allowed to fight in this epic ‘Ed’ battle?

Besides, when we were kids,  so very long ago, in another life it seems,

Both her and that Little Pee Wee Kid, were always the biggest Tattles!”


“I see you’re still the Devil of a Brother I’ve always known, Jersey Ed,

So I guess my crew will take out your puny ship, why this very night!

And don’t be expectin Sisterly Mercy, you Jersey Devil Brother, You,

The things we plan to do with yer carcass, should fill Ye with Fright!”


“Hold On One Moment, Brothers Ed!” shouted the Commodore,

How do we know this female pirate bears The Secret Mark of Ed!?”

So Pirate La Belle Edwina Rouge quickly showed him her mark,

And very, very soon, the Lad’s face was now glowin scarlet red.


“BLIMEY, AGAIN!” Commodore Eddy Andy Jimmy soon blurted out,

Jersey Devil said, “Well, does anyone want to play Bingo then, today?”

“Hell No!  You always cheat, You Devil!  I soon angrily heard myself say,

And Edvard The Elder screamed out, “Just Shut Up, Will You? En Garde!”


Alas, the die has now been cast, centuries in the making,

And I’ve always known that this day was coming, after all;

Will this very tiny oasis in the middle of these expanding seas,

Become a Bordello, a British Colony, Spa, Zoo, or Bingo Hall?



Here we are, all five born to be Eds,

(And Edwinas, Ednas, and Ediths)

Yet siblings, in this, our darkest hour;

Here we now belong, battling each other,

With our ancient, mystifying, ‘Ed’ powers.



But Gosh Darn It,

Now I’m Gonna Have To Make This,

Into an Adult Comic Book.


And After All Those Kids,

Who Helped Me Build My Ark,

Already Ordered Dozens of Copies.


Thanks A Lot, Sis…



And Now, I’ll Even Have to Cover

All The Innocent Animals’ Eyes and Ears.


Only The Devil and Old Davey Jones Really Know,

What Just Might Happen Around This Tiny Island Now;

Some poor old sailor named Walt keeps screamin for help,

Edwina’s got him chained up in her meat locker – Holy Cow!



- Please Stay Tuned –



I think I just spotted old Viking Ed’s sail,

On the distant horizon.


And now I’m wondering,

Just how many ‘Ed’ ships,

I can possibly squeeze,

Into the picture above!



2007, Mr. Pee Wee Noah Ed




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Reviewed by LadyJtalks LadyJzTalkZone (Reader) 9/3/2007
I was thinking the same thing my friend. might need a bigger pixeled sea scape. As Captain Lobster-head Ed sails in and I hear rumor of more perhaps before this battle even begins.

Alas I will hope that the Lady Marmaeli-ade will understand that the inocent Sir Walter and our soon to arrive Norther Fee and crew are only here to protect and defend the honor of the women who have secretly lived there and used this island as our sanctuary when needed.

Basically "we don't need no stink'n bingo hall" Lady J
Reviewed by Mary Grace Patterson 9/3/2007
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 9/2/2007
Blimey it does me 'ED
EDifying read, most EDucating.
Stay afloat in yer boat, whilst taking a bath, i struck upon the idea of using a
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 9/2/2007
Pee Wee and all the others, I am at the moment in contact reviewing 47 ships which I was tracking from the 71 on my list.
As soon as the reading of the documents are done and answered I think that my armada will be so formidable that you all little puppy dogs will runaway with theit tails well between their legs.
Ship ahoy mes enfants!!!
Ed the Elder (georg?)
Reviewed by E T Waldron 9/1/2007
I'm enjoying what has turned out to be an epic tale with more EDs and EDwinas and ED anythings plots sub plots and pot holes and ships coming out of the gazoo what a melange you have Ed it almost matches your menagerie;-) Really can't wait to see how you get out of this one;-)

Tiger Lily
Reviewed by E. Farrand 9/1/2007
Avast thar Ed, me matey, A torrifical storm has ripped me sails. The crafty pyrett that me be, me conniving crew hath captured a ship filled to the deck with petticoats. Come aboard and together we shall use those feminine fancies sewed together to make a mainsail. Be awee embarrassing to set sail with pink sails. Any landlubber snickers, we make 'em walk he plank!!! AAAAArrrrrr!!!!
Reviewed by Rose Rideout 9/1/2007
Ed this has been a wonderful adventure you are taking us on, It has fantastic, smiles all over, Thank you.
newfie Hugs, Rose
Reviewed by William Bonilla 9/1/2007
WEll captains
Sonner or later I had to choose sides
So I follow the lovely lassies
They are my favorite prose
so inspiring, plus they don't smell
like a mixture of "goats & Rum"
Sorry Ed

Reviewed by Barbara Smith 9/1/2007
Ed, being I came in on Chapter four...I must say this is great! I'll have to catch up of the other three Chapters. The humor here is fantastic and the images unbelievable...all you Ed's.
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 9/1/2007
Ah! I see Captain La Belle is gaining on you scallywags, it won't be long now......

Edith Bonnie
Reviewed by Aberjhani 9/1/2007
Some very exciting high seas adventures going on this den and apparently spreading to several others. Enjoying the interconnected reads all around.

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 9/1/2007
Cleverly done Eddie!!

Love Tinky
Reviewed by Missy Cross 9/1/2007
Yo ho ho, I'm breakin out me bottle of rum and kickin back to enjoy what comes next. Thanks for the heartiest kaugh I've had all week, matey!
Reviewed by ~ Holly Harbridge (Reader) 9/1/2007
Personally I can't get enough of this kind of writing! AD working together to give each other many many laughs; I'm sure the good Lord in Heaven is smiling down at these efforts! Love Holly
Reviewed by Joyce Bowling 9/1/2007
A clever write indeed! Enjoyed this poetic tale, enjoyed the humor! We all need to laugh and enjoy life more!
Joyce B.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 9/1/2007
Well, blow me down, as Popeye would say! Blimey, what a clever write! BRAVO!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 9/1/2007
My guns are more powerful and bigger,
My hand is always on the trigger,
You all will die & set in will be rigor,
How can you even think to me attack, go figure...Ed #2
Reviewed by Abdi-Noor Mohamed (Eagle Of Hope) 9/1/2007
fantastic humour story/poem. Pic is marvelous, too.
Reviewed by Walt Hardester 9/1/2007
If it a Pax ye be a seekin
I see red hair has made ye weaken
Give up now before it's too late
Or Davey's locker shall be yore fate....
We'll make mincmeat of all of you
and yor critters will be the bordello's petting zoo

Sir Salt Walt
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 9/1/2007
i have to say that the object of all you ed's desire is looking pretty tiny in the hub bub of it all!!
Reviewed by George Carroll 9/1/2007
Lots of mileage gotten out of this laughable saga and many more Ed's to be heard from.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 9/1/2007

I knew Edwina Would Be Trouble!!!

Pee Wee Noah Ed
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 9/1/2007
Well Fiddle De De Ole Pee Wee
Evard is fourth cousin
twice removed from me
a bit a dalliance be fine
I be's a pirate
don't be taking no code a honor
for to be mine!!
and just when I was about
to offer ye mercy of sorts
offer part of the island
for yore animal cohorts
whatever evil ye may lay at me door
Cpt La Belle's done that and more
So take ye shame and shove it Pee Wee
and don't be a pestering
Ole Edvard and me
dirty deeds done dirt cheap
an I has me no trouble
at tal to soundly sleep
Reviewed by Michael Guy 9/1/2007
Your picture may not take many more ships, and you're running out of midis--Yet, if you keep it up, perhaps even Rafael Sabatini will shift just a bit in his grave; still "ye got no Errol Flynn" aboard any these pirate-trash scows! And that island don't look big enough for a brawl let alone a bordello.
Reviewed by Jeanette Cooper 9/1/2007
The number of Ed's are growing
And Edwina is a Bonnie lass
With sword in hand
And revolver in her belt
She'll fight hard and strong
And she'll give all those other Ed's
A rough and stormy pelt
With her strategy and charm,
And her strong sword arm.
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 9/1/2007

'Twill be interrrrrestin to discoverrrrr what trrrreasurrrrres await:
rrrrrrollin adventurrrrrres on the high seas!

All these EDs.................too cleverrrrrr, my boy

(((HUGS))) and love, Karrrrrrrla. :) *Arrrrrrrrrrrrr* Not an Ed :(
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