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J. Allen Wilson

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  23 Days....
by J. Allen Wilson
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by J. Allen Wilson
•  Sad But True
•  A Tribute to Clint…
•  JD’s Rose - Nicole
•  Thank You Baby For Loving Me
•  A Birthday Prayer
           >> View all 1,553





23 days…

 

Today I am such a sad man; seems no matter how hard I have tried to let this go I cannot. It’s not because people don’t care…so many of you have held me up in friendship and prayer…yet oh so many still come and in their own wisdom say…. let it go…move on… it is a brand new day. Oh how I wish I could…oh HOW I wish I could.

 

I am blind for I cannot see; I grope in silence; I weep at His feet.

No words or thoughts of this heartache could I every fully explain.

All I know…is the lonely silence; All I feel is the empty emotional pain.

 

It’s been 23 days since the joy of my heart gasped in my arms and died.

23 days that I have put on a brave face, yet to still sit in my silent world and cry.

My hope lies in God and I know that He loves me; yet I feel so desperately low.

 

Eight weeks I lay on the floor by sweet Leah’s side.

Eight weeks of tending to her both day and night.

I bathed her; cleaned her and offered her my smiles and hope.

I watched her crumble day by day; I watched her as her spirit let go.

 

These eyes of mine; oh these tired and weary eyes.

They have seen too much suffering in their day and time.

“Hold on” “look up” “be as strong as you can”.

“Don’t cry” don’t weep” “Come on…be a man”.

 

I need so much; I need so little; I just need the grace of Leah’s hands.

It’s so dark…its so very dark; such sadness prevails in my tiny land.

So many good friends have stayed strong for me by my side…

Rhonda…Joe….Karla…Ed…Karen just to name a few…but dear Lord

The emptiness of it all is taking its toll on my heart and mind.

 

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe some comfort will come my way.

I guess after all these years I am just afraid to be old and alone.

For twenty two years I had the ear of my wife morning noon and night and she mine.

Yet the silence has been most unbearable and even the voices of crowds empty and unkind.

 

Enough is enough from the sad little words of this heartbroken man.

Even our cat China refuses to eat...even he in his little kitty world does not understand.

 

I am so sorry this poem turned out this way.

I shall go back now unto the dark silence.

I shall in prayer hope for a better 24th day.

 

J. Allen Wilson 10/1/08

 

 




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Reviewed by Ed Matlack 10/2/2008
Cry all you want, weep all you need,
Go out and plant some seed,
Give to yourself a place to be,
A special place maybe for Leah, plant a tree...ED
Reviewed by Linda Law 10/2/2008
Hi Allen.... one day at a time is all one can hope for... and it's okay to feel the way you do!!! It would be nice if you could for one minute this morning...take a deep breath...close your eyes....and then..... FEEL THE WARMTH AND LOVE, THE CARING, THE HEARTBEATS THAT SURROUND YOUR BODY.... you are cared for by many...and we are all here, across the pages and across the miles, aching for you...knowing we cannot tell you the right words, knowing we cannot comfort you as you need....but we sure do wish we could!! Leah is in Heaven...and if nothing else..that should bring you absolute joy...for she deserves nothing but the finest....and now she lives there...and she wants you to not forget her...but she wants you to live....after all, that is why many of us are left behind....we still have things to do.... so... take care, and know you are loved! lindalaw
Reviewed by Louisa Dobbins 10/2/2008
Good Morning Allen, I know this is not easy and somtimes feels unbearable. Keep your hands in the hand of the man who still the water and calmed the sea. Take as much time as you need. Cry as much as you need. Pray as much as you need Talk as much as you need. You will come through. This is another test...another storm. You will make it. We are all praying, I'm sure.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 10/2/2008
Allen, those who say "get over it" don't know what pain you are enduring. We are still mourning the passing of our big, strong daddy (he would have been 78 today had he lived; he died back in May), and we still miss our mom, even 18 years later. It never is enough. My pain is yours; maybe not as strong, but it's still there, inside. Know I will pray for you today; I pray for you every day. Continue to lean on the Lord; He will give you rest for your weary spirit!

And above all, please take care of yourself and "China"; thank God you still have each other! And you have us here! :)

We love you, (((Sweet Man)))!

(((HUGS))) and prayers, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. :( >tears! <

Heartshattering write!
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 10/2/2008
(((Allen)))

My heart breaks for those cruel enough to say enough is enough - but most of all, it breaks for you, for having to hear it.

Enough is NEVER enough. You spent twenty two years with your lady at your side. You watched her health fade and held her in your arms as she passed.

It's going to take time. It's not going to be easy, letting go of what you had all these years, the love you had/have for her.

It's been 18 years for me, since Mom died, today would have been Daddy's 78th birthday had he not died back in May ... I miss them, still. Hard: can't imagine losing the love of your life: devastating! :(

All I can say is, Don't pay the naysayers any mind. They obviously have no clue. Lean on the Lord. Shove hard and hold on; cry if you must; shout if you must. Most of all, Take care of you. You are not alone - you have us. We're here for you.

If you need to talk, message board me: I'll answer. I'm here.

(((HUGS))) love and prayer, and tears, Karla.

So sorry you're going through this - China, too -
Reviewed by Rebecca McKeehan 10/2/2008
Allen, Those who are trying to rush you through your grief are doing you a serious disservice. Losing a spouse is one of THE most stressful things a person can endure and as such is takes A LOT of time to work through. Your true friends understand this and are here (and there) for you. As Dawn said, "never apologize for the feelings in your heart." Take care. Rebecca
Reviewed by Dawn Wilson 10/1/2008
Allen, never apologize for those feeling in your heart.
Reviewed by Flying Fox Ted L Glines 10/1/2008
Well, there it is: "I guess after all these years I am just afraid to be old and alone. For twenty two years I had the ear of my wife morning noon and night and she mine." Allen, that is A LOT to lose, for anyone. But, in honor of Leah, would she want for you to be prostrating yourself in dire despair? You must be breaking Leah's spiritual heart right now. She wants for you to be remembering her with warmth and love, and she wants to walk on with you in love. The love that you and Leah have [not had] is a bigger thing than your feeling of loss. And you are a LONG WAYS from being alone, my friend, because we are all here for you :-)

Ted
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