The Honourable Mrs Amelia Smythe-Chumley
dismissed poor old Dickie her gardener.
Poor Dick dropped his dibber, his hose dangled glumly;
he'd never be able to pardon 'er.
Though advancing in years, Dickie still knew his onions,
but her ladyship fancied some arty bloke
who'd do sculptures and hedges instead of plain veggies;
and put pay to Dick's parsnips and artichoke.
Old Dickie was mighty sour, seeing his prize cauliflower
fall victim to Cosmo's new rockery.
And grimly he told Mrs Chumley, "You'll miss me,
me radicchio, carrots and broccoli."
Amelia replied, through a mouthful of plums,
"A've taold you Dickie, get pecking.
A've now engaged Cosmo, who's quite the rage, don't you know,
to install water features and decking."
Proud tears pricked Dick's eyes as he trudged down the drive,
he felt broken and wilted - forlorn.
When all of a sudden his name was called gently;
and there stood her ladyship's cook-in-chief, Dawn.
"Oh Dick my heart's breaking to think of you leaving,
'til I met you, I knew not what "hot" meant.
Mrs Chumley and Cosmo are driving me loco,
come live with me, share my allotment."
Dick's new life with Dawn is idyllic, organic,
in their potting shed uber bijou.
Now Dawn cooks Dick's veg, which together they gather
in a wheelbarrow built for two.
But as for her ladyship, life's not the breeze
that she thought it would be with suave Cosmo.
Cosmo's looking his age and the decking's gone green -
and she's "hecked orf" with dining al fresco.