My child is special needs.
Think about that for a moment
What does that really mean?
What is it that you can’t see?
First of all,
This mother has such a different role to play,
when she became the one that GOD chose her
to take over her care each and every day.
You don’t see her mom’s heart breaking
You don’t feel the shock to the core of her soul.
From the first time you hear those words of diagnoses
First feeling numb, so lost, then feeling your world
Spiraling out of control.
You don’t see her mom’s hopes, her dreams
For her child that are shattered
Dreams that have devastatingly changed.
The life you once thought your child would have,
The path you imagined would never be the same.
You don’t see her fighting these enormous feelings,
Feelings of anger, helplessness and guilt.
Feelings sorrow and feelings of utter fear.
Feelings of what she could of done different
Feelings that terrify her that the future will never be clear.
You don’t see the days when the stress is beyond overwhelming,
Feelings of such deep immense pain to her maternal core.
This internal agony so horrid, that she thought she was dying.
The intense exhaustion, the feelings failing and feeling so lost and alone.
Meanwhile, wanting to cope, wanting to be strong,
Craving to survive and wanting just to know why.
Some time after the heartbreak eases, she learns to breath.
Some time after facing the loss subsides, she learns to see.
Soon sense of mystical strength develops so deep with in her,
This powerful strength of maternal survival one that is so extraordinary.
The uncharted and additional duties that lie ahead,
She knows in her heart she has to eventually face.
She will dive into this deep, new, dark and unexplored land.
Which she will lovingly, strongly and eventually embrace.
You will see her become her voice, her advisor, her advocate
You will see her become very well versed with all that is medical,
She will become her nurse, her therapist, her teacher,
As well as her number one cheerleader.
You will see her as she becomes the ultimate care giver,
All that she has learned was not from a class or a single manual,
But from living each moment, hands on, learning from each downfall
To become the best she can be for her child and there after.
It’s a balancing act that one can not just explain,
To get a glimpse into her world, to begin to imagine.
You would have to walk in her shoes, not just for moments here and there
But each and every moment and everyday and everywhere.
And yes this will be her full time job for the rest of her life.
A job that is cherished but not paid in cash or coins.
For none of that will not matter,
Because all the hard work, all the dedication,
All the love that this mother will bring.
Her new hopes and dreams for her will be to be taken care of
to be loved just as she had done.
To make sure all that is needed
Will be, just like she did be second to none.
All she can as GOD for is for her future to be safe to be loved.
From this point, that is all I can ever ask of.
when she once carried her precious gift
you are about to adrift.
and then you know you have to face the the fact scares you the most, you realize biggest fear