Coffe poem by Berton Braley, c. 1935
"I've a stomach made of zinc which will handle
food and drink
That would cause an ostrich worry and compunction;
Breakfast, dinner, tea or lunch -- anything a goat
would munch --
I can savor and assimilate with unction.
Jellies prettified with dyes, armor-plated
cake and pies
Which would knock a buzzard flat without
I can merrily digest with a gustatory zest
-- if my coffee's only decent in the morning.
I'm a very cheerful gent with a heart resilient
and a view of life as bright as I can make it,
And if fortune, with a frown, stands me up and
slaps me down
I have proven in the past that I can take it.
I can even rise above discombobulated love
I can stand a lady's sublimated scorning,
But I'm totally inutile and my whole career
If I don't get decent coffee in the morning.
Merrily I roll along without women, wine or song,
I can do without companionship or money;
Lacking pictures, books or plays, I can worry
through my days
With a disposition moderately sunny.
I'm the captain of my soul, independent --
on the whole --
But my freedom and my courage die a-borning
And I wander in a coma if I miss the fresh aroma
of a fragrant cup of coffee in the morning!"
* * * * * *
There's this card game called Pedro
that's just fine for some people
who like games with numbers and rules.
But for me, I'm a writer,
I like word games much better
and don't take to this Pedro too well.
So they deal me nine cards
and say, "This game's not so hard,"
and my partner is patient and kind.
Well, it didn't take too long
for me to prove they were wrong
and my partner thought me out of my mind.
So the guys kept on dealing
unaware I was feeling
like an imp with a pea-sized brain.
Each blunder I'd make
the other team would take
and my partner would grimace in pain.
I offered to bow out
"No, no!" they would shout,
"You'll catch on in another few games."
But by then they agreed
Pedro wasn't for me
and my partner was calling me names.
Said he with a grin,
if we ever play again
he's not sitting across from me.
Well, to him I will say,
"I feel the same way,
I'd rather have a spelling bee."