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Rose L

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Member Since: Nov, 2003

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Popular Poetry (Women)
  1.  Absolutely Nothing



Torture
by Rose L

Friday, November 19, 2004
Rated "R" by the Author.
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This is a poem about domestic violence & attempted suicide. This was me, some 24 years ago. I AM NO LONGER THE VICTIM. This write brings me closure. I want to thank my best friend - my husband of sixteen years for supporting my writing & helping me to learn to trust and love again.

To any woman or man who reads this and is in a similar situation, please know there IS help out there. You can get out - it's never too late


 

Numbness creeping up my arms and down my legs

Wretched pain still twisting in my gut

The bloodied knife being cleaned by my assassin

While his lips press down on hers

 

So peaceful the lovers appear, in my window

Locked in an embrace of passion and betrayal

My eyes splintered by the glass fragments of rejection

 

Who are you, new bitch of his loins, destroyer of my life?

Why won't this fucking pain go away, why can't I die?

 

He'd snort, "you can't even die right you stupid bitch."

And he'd be right, the fucker that he is

But the joke is on him, because he can't even live right,

Fucker that he is

 

My love never enough to soothe him, to please him

My touch in love met with wrath and fury delivered by his fists.

 

Not to worry, the wall can be replaced

What lovely furniture the neighbor's have I think to myself

As he rams me through the wall again and again

Until blood tinges my view with a red haze

 

How will she fail him, his newest bitch?

What nonsensical thing will drive him to tear at her

Rip her life apart, one shred of innocence at a time?

 

The numbness is coming and going, why is that?

It's all so clear, then foggy as hell, right and wrong,

Up and down, here and there, dead and alive

How come I'm still awake?  Why can't I even die right?

 

He kisses her so tenderly

I feel like an intruder in my own home

How many pills will she swallow

To try to be rid of him and his loving kindness

I wonder as I lay on the bed, feeling queasy and euphoric

I want release from them, from him, from her, from it all

 

God saw fit to take from me any reminder of him

Though my growing womb felt friendly, it betrayed me

As he now has

 

Death, do you now betray me too?

Am I to go on living this miserable life?

No comfort in hell even?

You took my firstborn before

Any air could be drawn to it's lungs

But to me, you afford no such luxury? 

 

I can bear no more, Death, please show me you have won




 

"What have you done, wake up, WAKE UP!

Damn you, wake up you stupid bitch!"

His voice pierces my heart with the last plunges of pain

Oh death, you mock me, no rest for the wicked this night, eh?

 

Until we meet again most formidable opponent

You return to your paradise

 I to my torture; and my torturer.
 

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Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G 7/15/2005
He is WEAK, SEnsleless and NOT complete. a Sadness in him and possibly NO Fearless Future folling till his dying day! I've been where you been Rose- and I too-Got out while the iron was hOT.. I had to be STRong and show my daughter their is Love out there, REAL Love! and be their example! I am crying for your ending and your New begining.. it's Tough to START Over! the pain of wanting to TRy! YOu abuser to his OWn Anger out on you, with the emptyiness he FELT within himself!!!!!! and YOur not accountable, for anyone but, yourself... I FEEL for you W i C K E D here and then, and I hope for EVERLASTinG Love, Gratitude for the strOng Women you Have Become!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU Go Girl! YOu be the Strong defenseless Soul, that turns him and everyone into sponges by your strength within---- FEAR Not.. Rose is BACK! and YOu step away and let her throughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- She's a bullet-laser picking up speed through life! I'm SOoo FReekin' ProuD of you and this Poem - What can I say--- YOu said it all and boy -what wording- New Beginings are Wonderful -Hard- but, Wonderful to look forward too! Enjoy! Lady! you are 1 special Lady to endure so much! Glad, your still here to make A HUGe difference in all our fears----- STay here! Warmly, SheeeOXOXOXOOXXOXOXO... I am So Freekin' Proud of you,I just had to tell you again...- Pop on and read my Survivor stories/feelings guided by my spirit.. Hope they Keep you strong too... I so enjoyed hearing the pain wash awayyyyyyyyy Forever from your heart but, not your Soul. I too know it never goes away, takes on a different form but NEVER really leaves. I married for over 19 yrs.. to 1 man 2xs.. and the pain was still recognized in his eyesssssss, but we try when we love deeply! and now I am with my partner for life! who puts NO demands.. what a release of Pure True Love! I am with you all the way-- Keep writing you write beautifully and profoundly! I am so happy I gravitated to you. I wonder why that is? It happens 4 a reason! EVERyThing Does! Strengthen and WisDom! I have to stop here or I could go on.. I care and your in my prayers Rose- mY beams of Everylasting healing/warmth/love/HuGs are with you from this day on!!!!!
Reviewed by Hanley Harding 6/18/2005
Dear Rose;

Nicely done! A real soul wrencher. You may find my "The Light at the End of the Tunnel" interesting... and relevant.

Doc
Reviewed by Masood Lohar 1/18/2005
A soul writhing in each direction of human concience..... Masood
Reviewed by Ian Thorpe 12/18/2004
A stunning depiction of the torture experienced by somebody trying to please an egocentric partner. There is no pleasing them of course, belittling a loved one is what they get off on and the way they hide from their own inadequacy.
best
Ian
Reviewed by Bob Holt (Reader) 12/1/2004
Very brave of you to share this important work, you should help lots of people. I certainly hope you have found peace.

Bob H
Reviewed by Reginald Birch (Reader) 11/26/2004
Rose, your powerful writing has me wondering how such a person can justify their actions, bullying someone weaker than oneself can the perpetrator really believe that they have achieve anything.
Good you found contentment in your life, and I do hope the bully received his just comeuppance.
Reg.
Reviewed by William Bonilla 11/25/2004
A powerful write
just keep writing
what you feel in your heart

William ....Peace & Love
Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader) 11/24/2004
This is powerful i am a survivor too and this was so needed your smile in the bio shows your at peace now and happy always keep telling them they do listen.... Thank you for having been apart of my time here and life while I was on ad.

Ladye Peg

Happy Holidays
Reviewed by *********** ********** (Reader) 11/24/2004
Your poem will help others.....you are brave, strong and beautiful...

And now, Thank God.......SAFE.

Ty, Dani, xx
Reviewed by Franz Kessler 11/22/2004
Powerful and direct - emotions of a ghoolish kaleidoscope. A story only a survivor can tell... Franz
Reviewed by Peter Paton 11/21/2004
You are a very brave woman Rose....and an enduring woman with the Grace of God....

This release will be like manna from heaven for you....and others who suffer the torture and madness of abuse...

And yes....nowadays both men and women are the victims of this insidious and evil abuse...

Peter
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 11/21/2004
You are a survivor and with your words you will help many others to realize that they too are survivors. Only those that have seen hell have an understanding of why its hard to get out of it. So happy to hear you have found love and beauty in your life. You deserve it!
Reviewed by Sandie Angel 11/21/2004
Rose:

You have penned a heartfelt piece about domestic violence and the feelings of helplessness under the cruelty of an abusive spouse. There are so many who can relate to this. I'n so glad that this was like 24 years ago. Thank you for sharing this experience with everyone.

~ Sandie May Angel ~
Reviewed by John Banasiewicz Jr 11/21/2004
Rose,
This poem truly shows the you have recovered and on the road to a full and beautiful life now. I know that others who suffer if they read this will gain some strength from reading this. Knowing you as a friend all I can say for sure the world is a better place with you in it as you have given much to help others in so many ways. Continue peace and growth in your life is my wish to you today,
Again your talents show and each time it makes me proud to see this coming from within you as for sure you have taken the cap off your well and allowed us to drink from it,
~~~&&&***
Tommy
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 11/20/2004
powerful and heartbreaking; but glad you survived! powerful testimony of hope and healing! well done!
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 11/20/2004
Powerful and heart-reaching verses, Rose. Love and peace to you. Regis
Reviewed by Thomas Lanechanger 11/20/2004
Rose, my friend, I read this last night and my eyes could no longer see. It must have been extremely hard for you to sit and pen these emotions for others to read. I am so happy that you are still amongst the living and now have a loving partner. NO ONE should ever have to endure this type of appalling treatment! With the horrific and descriptive imagery you’ve painted, I am quite sure it will HELP someone who is in such a dire situation, TO GET OUT OF IT IMMEDIATELY!!! Take good care and be well.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 11/20/2004
Not to make light, but you know me, Rose, I have to try to laugh at every situation, and you say there is "help out there"...is there help for those of us who do "seek" torture and self administer it if unable we are to find it...LOL! Keep strong, and you will overcome...Ed & Rufuz
Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 11/20/2004
So raw, powerful and real, this affected me deeply, thank God you got out. excellently powerful and message,

Reindeer
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 11/19/2004
To close for comfort this is....tears....it is this kind of thing that makes you do things you regret much too late!!

Love Tinka <tears>
Reviewed by Lori Moore 11/19/2004
Strong write. Your words will give strength to others.
Reviewed by Handsum Hart 11/19/2004
A very powerful and emotive write.

Take care and be strong
Reviewed by jude forese 11/19/2004
no individual in their right mind would abuse another ... that's the problem, they are not of right mind ... the pain they inflect is deep, too deep and their sorrow they force upon the abused is intolerable ... to be rid of an abuser is like exorcizing a demon ... it is not as easy said as done ...
Reviewed by m w 11/19/2004
So much anger and passion,,,,, moving
Reviewed by Cynthia Castle 11/19/2004
Rose,

You are a brave and wise woman to be able to write and post such a dreadfully painful portion of your life. I truly hope that it brings you the closure that you are seeking. Thank God that you have such a wonderful best friend/husband to restore your faith in yourself, and in love. I can't even imagine the torture an abused victim goes through to get to the point you have described so vividly. No person, (man, woman, or child) should ever be treated in an abusive way. My heart goes out to you and all those victims. I volunteered at a local women's shelter for a while in the past, and was deeply disturbed by the way the women and their children that came to the shelter had been abused. Yes there IS help for victims of abuse. No one should live in pain and fear. People like you are an inspiration to others that one's life can be turned around, and they can be free to live! I pray that your words not only help you, but also help others. May God Bless you and your with much peace and happiness!

Cynthia
Reviewed by Michelle Mills 11/19/2004
I felt this in every molecule of my soul. My abuser was more subtle. Implied threats, shouts, screams, scenes of every kind in every imaginable place... admonishment about everything from how much salt was in the meal I'd cooked, to why I couldn't get it through my head how much he loved me as he slammed his fist down on the kitchen counter causing me to jump out of my skin...or kicking open the bedroom door because I had a headache and wanted to skip 'togetherness time' and dared to 'shut him out of his own room'. Had I stayed with him, the abuse would have turned violent. And I firmly believe it was only a few days away from the time I'd thrown him out. Had I not thrown done so, he'd wouldn't have just hurt me, I believe he would have killed me as well as my daughter. I've never seen such rage in anyone's eyes before, and I hope to never see it again. It's been nine years for me and I remember it as vividly as if it were yesterday. I'm not sure it will ever go away. But perhaps it isn't meant to. In our remembering, we won't be quick to forget how others helped us achieve our freedom from hell. Bless you for caring about other women enough to share your story...and in doing so, may you continue to heal. Powerful write, imagery was fantastic. Straight out of your heart. Michelle
Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson 11/19/2004
Glad there is no more torture for you
Great powerful write...
Take care......
Reviewed by George Carroll 11/19/2004
I hope also that your poem helps another victim of domestic violence which happens much too frequently. You have given someone hope. Thank God
Reviewed by Cynth'ya cynthyaspeaks@gmail.com 11/19/2004
Henry VIII would have been spoken of this way wife 2 of 6, Anne Boleyn and wife 3 of 6, Jane Seymour. Henry blamed all six of his wives for not making him 'happy'. And Henry has a lot of followers out there still, long after he's been dead over 450 plus years.
blessin's
cynth'ya lewis reed
Reviewed by E T Waldron 11/19/2004
Rose the agony inthis piece is palpable I have it running through me! Deeply disturbing, having divoced an abusive husband I feel this
in every cell!I'm so glad you could write about it, and even more glad that you found happiness with another that is wonderful! May your blessing continue, and may every shred of previous misery be erased with the goodness you now share!
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