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andrea coltman

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  Customer Service
by andrea coltman
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Not rated by the Author.

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Recent poems by andrea coltman
•  You Give Me
•  Vive la Vie...! ( Live the Life...!)
•  For Mum
•  Grief
•  Spring Hopes
           >> View all 85

Customer Service


I dial a given number, they call customer service

I feel like a complete novice

When faced with 50 options, which one do I choose?

Will I win or loose?


An automated voice trills out and leaves me in a daze

Confused; my mind in a quandary and haze

Tentatively I pick a random number

Another 50 options; was one about cucumber?


What the hell; I press another button and pray

That someone will talk to me today

I’m through, I must be; music is playing

“All our advisors are busy” a pre-recorded voice is saying


Half an hour later, I’m dying for a pee

All those cups of coffee are playing havoc with me

Delusion has set in, a voice is asking for my name

No more coffee for me, I don’t like this game


Another question, more personal this time

My date of birth I recall and mono-toned I chime

My turn to ask for help, sweat pours down my brow

I’ve forgotten, oh God what do I say now?


Quickly I resume control and confidently enquire

I say it quick in case I expire

I’m waiting for the reply with baited breath

Or is it my impending death?


An hour has passed and I’m close to the final solution

A conundrum of contradictions, I’m now plotting counterrevolution

For customer service now tells me, and I’m sure, it’s a coup

“Sorry I can’t help you”


© Andrea Coltman






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Reviewed by Dark Knight 10/15/2010
great poem-maybe sometime you should say you are a Doctor or even better a Lawyer or news reporter investigating the lack of help in Customer Service and see how fast they help you then--:-)
Reviewed by Connie Faust 3/13/2008
Wow! You said it! What can make us as mad as the customer service runaround?

Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 6/16/2006
What a wonderful job you have done!! As one who hates, loathes,
despises, and avoids to the point of 'spiting my face' the very thought of being run around the mulberry bush by commercial voice-mail, I salute you. Not only have you told the story well, you have aced rhyme and rhythm. . .made them serve rather
than intrude. In my book, that is nearly as hard as trying to
figure out what the f* is being said. . .and why the hell I
haven't hung up. . .& hung myself. Can't get to T h e m, so
. . .aaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!!!! 'Pea' <3
Reviewed by Barbara Terry 5/10/2006
Haven't we all been there before Andrea? It seems the more time goes on, the more automated everything becomes. Like I called my cable company yesterday and all I got were options about this or that, but not one option on what number to press to talk to a real person (giggle).

This is well written and very true too. Thanx for sharing Andrea.

May the Lord Jesus bless you, and those whom you love, and be with you always, and at your side constantly. With much love in my heart, joy to the world, peace on earth, & ((((((((((MANY WONDERFUL SISTERLY HUGGGGSSSS)))))))))), your little sister in poetry & prose, Barbie

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU 9/8/2005

This is creativity in poetic excellence...
"Customer Service" has given the readers all that
Poetry's tasks command.

Enjoyed reading this masterpiece.

Thank You for sharing Your art, and for enriching the poetic

Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
Reviewed by Felix Perry 9/6/2005
Been there done that and wanted to strangle a lot of people in the process.

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 9/6/2005
Well expressed!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Dale Clark 9/6/2005
I know this all too well. It's so
frustrating. You've captured that
here Andrea. Great! ;)
Reviewed by Sandie Angel 9/6/2005
What a misery that was! I hate those automated phone services which they call "customer servcies", it's a pain. Well-expressed in this piece.

Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 9/6/2005
Totally true. I WANNA SHOOT THE INVENTER OF TALKING MACHINES. But it tells me to hang up and please try again. I found not pressing anything goes direct to a the remaining human.

Hope you is okay me girl. Long time no read.
You bin hanging on the fone that long. Huh...
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