I dial a given number, they call customer service
I feel like a complete novice
When faced with 50 options, which one do I choose?
Will I win or loose?
An automated voice trills out and leaves me in a daze
Confused; my mind in a quandary and haze
Tentatively I pick a random number
Another 50 options; was one about cucumber?
What the hell; I press another button and pray
That someone will talk to me today
I’m through, I must be; music is playing
“All our advisors are busy” a pre-recorded voice is saying
Half an hour later, I’m dying for a pee
All those cups of coffee are playing havoc with me
Delusion has set in, a voice is asking for my name
No more coffee for me, I don’t like this game
Another question, more personal this time
My date of birth I recall and mono-toned I chime
My turn to ask for help, sweat pours down my brow
I’ve forgotten, oh God what do I say now?
Quickly I resume control and confidently enquire
I say it quick in case I expire
I’m waiting for the reply with baited breath
Or is it my impending death?
An hour has passed and I’m close to the final solution
A conundrum of contradictions, I’m now plotting counterrevolution
For customer service now tells me, and I’m sure, it’s a coup
“Sorry I can’t help you”
© Andrea Coltman