No one has a monopoly on grief though it feels that way sometimes
When all around there are triggers, reminders and oh so, so many signs
A doppelganger, a total stranger who is you for a fleeting second
Or an associated sound where lasting memories are beckoned
A happy day, where nothing apparently seems to change the mood
Then suddenly, out of the blue, something manages to intrude
The warm spring sunshine suddenly turns to relentless, pelting rain
Outside was inviting, inside I feel drenched with cavernous pain
A simple drive down the road can be completely encumbered
A private ambulance ahead with another’s day unnumbered
I pass a hearse bedecked with a mass of floral wreaths
How do I choke back my relentless, regurgitated grief?
I’ve never lost a parent, so I don’t know how I should feel
I replay your last few days in my head like a cinematic reel
It haunts, hurts and scares me, then suddenly the mood changes
It’s a tempered life, a chocolate assortment of atmospheric ranges
I don’t know whether I said goodbye properly, that upsets me
Was it at your death bed or was it at that haunting cemetery?
Did I verbalise my farewell or did I just cry it out in a sentence?
It’s not a blessing I’m looking for, nor indeed any form of repentance.
So when my throat is so choked rendering me unable to speak
And then the tears cascade like waterfalls down my cheeks
Eyelashes are varnished, shining, glued with saline mascara
Respite is deservedly yours, but for those left, what comes after?
Mum you knew how to love, enjoy and certainly live life
You were a special friend, grandmother, mother and wife
Life must and does go on, and there are so very many positives
Lessons I’ve learnt in life from you, you do still inspire those who still live
© Andrea Coltman