I’m afraid of dying

I used to stand upon tall ladders
And look down to the depths below
Wondering what all the fuss was
If I should fall.

My mother said “Get down!”
My brother just cried,
While I stood on the very highest step
Where the words “No Step” reside.

I didn’t conceive what was at risk,
I thought it was just life
And life wasn’t that big of a deal
At least not to me.

I used to walk across high bridges
And ponder what it would be to fly
To soar for a moment or two.
If I should stumble.

My eyes must have deceived me as
Many a stranger paused
To watch,
Me. Watch the water.
The swirls which mesmerized my mind.

I didn’t give it much a thought,
The fall that is
As it would end in darkness
A lack of light
And I would know nothing. Anymore.

I used to drive my car
At night
And wonder what it would be like to cross that line.
The white one.
On the side.

What it would be like to fall asleep and sail,
For a second or two,
To never know what happened.
To never awake.

It really didn’t worry me that much
It only meant no more thoughts,
No more strain
Of life.
Only rest.

But now I stand upon the lowest rung,
I walk along the shortest bridge,
And drive the most deserted roads
In fear.


For now I find myself afraid to die.
Terrified of no thought.
Fearful of no consciousness.
Scared of the most timid danger.

For now I finally know what it means to live.

For today,

I met you.