Join | Login  

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Sheri Hoff, iKH LeMoyne, iKen Brosky, iAlan Cook, iMiller Caldwell, iDr. Ronald Bissell, iMark Lichterman, i

  Home > Poetry > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

William Cryer

· Become a Fan
· Contact me
· Poetry
· News
· 5 Titles
· 9 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Dec, 2004

William Cryer, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Popular Poetry (Poetry)
  1.  in honor of
  2.  Water Baby
  3.  Blue Morpho
  4.  Your Own Nuclear Power
  5.  For Emily
  6.  Defeat
  7.  Woodsmoke and Possibility....
  8.  I Wish I Could Tell You...
  9.  Free Spirit
  10.  Traveler's Lament
  11.  I'm So Happy
  12.  reevaluation
  13.  Heaven on Earth
  14.  In The Bath
  15.  My Scars
  16.  Last Birthday
  17.  larger voice
  18.  Eclipse
  19.  I Am . . .
  20.  Kaleidoscope World

spring haiku
by William Cryer
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Not rated by the Author.
Share   Print  Save   Become a Fan

Recent poems by William Cryer
•  Halloween Drabble
•  Rise of the Gravy Queen
•  autumn haiku
•  summer haiku
           >> View all 5

Another season in my haiku quartet. Months of writing nothing but prose...poetry starting to get rusty.

First draft:

vast searing blue yawn
bloated clouds hunker low and
brood lurid white thoughts

Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Charlie 7/14/2008
Howdy, William! I never did get the nack for Haiku writing, so take this with a grain of salt... great images, but they're disjointed. Link them with verbs, and chuck out the dead words like... okay, there's only one dead word "and"... linking the last two lines is easy-- just a switch in tenses from present to progressive... but to link the first with the middle is tricky... again, you need a verb... here's a cool visual-- what if the clouds are escaping from the blue's yawn? or they're floating on their backs in a lazy sky sea...

You do choose the difficult forms, don't you? You've got some great lines. I love "searing blue yawn", and the cartoon like balloons you've made of the cloud thoughts... good luck! ...and for your next form, you're on to winter? --Charlie
Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.