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The Flamingo Room
by Jerold Richert
To make sure that every person I meet finds me inoffensive.
To convince all my friends and relatives that I'm smarter than they.
To learn everything there is to know about all celebrities.
To persuade everyone that I make ten thousand a year more than I do.
To distill everything I know into fifty words.
To acquire the world's largest collection of anything: cookbooks, one-night stands, hundred-dollar bills.
To read books my neighbor will never hear of.
To assure my cat there's no one more compassionate than me.
To sleep as much as I can, still keeping a room for my bed.
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