Youth Group Guy
by Andrea M Forbing
Wednesday, August 22, 2001
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You know that guy that won't leave you alone... the one that wants to talk to you and seems to have a hidden agenda... you've met him. If you haven't yet met him, you will.
You’ve met him—
You know the one I’m talking about…
He pulls up a chair and joins you in the cafeteria.
“Mind if I join ya”, he asks, but if you did mind,
Would he get up and leave?
“You looked lonely sitting here all by yourself”
He offers, making excuses for his forwardness.
“So, do you have lunch here often?”
He asks, trying to spark conversation.
You’re wondering to yourself,
“Who is this guy and why did he have to sit by me?”
Out of all the empty seats in the place and this guy
sits next to me…. What have I done to deserve this?
This guy, my friends, is a special species of man
a breed whom I have come to identify as: “Youth Group Guy”.
He means well, and is generally FILLED with good conversation.
Relatively safe, he is rarely scary and seldom repulsive.
In fact, “Youth Group Guy” is actually very charming.
You will find yourself sitting up late at nite
debating all sorts of topics together…
Just don’t ever make a pass at him—this will be explained later in detail.
One of the most blatant characteristics of “Youth Group Guy”
is his inherent ability to make all topics of conversation
end up pointing toward religion.
He has honed this skill set to an art.
In fact, you’d be surprised how you never looked
at your breakfast toast as human flesh
broken and sacrificed
just for you!
“Youth Group Guy” is not out for romance
He doesn’t want to pop your cherry—
You’ll be lucky if he even wants
to hold your hand!
He’s saving the sanctity of lovemaking
“Don’t you feel the same way?
Don’t you want to be pure for your spouse?”
Before he is finished talking with you
“Youth Group Guy” will, like as not,
have added you to his “soul sac”.
It is starting to get REAL heavy these days.
He will routinely report back to his guru
“Youth Group Leader” guy
to whom he looks up to in every way
charting his witnessing progress in great detail.
It’s not so much that “Youth Group Guy”
is a bad man…. In fact, he’s really an upstanding citizen,
quite your “man about town”
in many ways.
It’s the idea
that you’re just a number to him.
Part of his latest evangelical challenge—
yesterday’s good news.
Sometimes you think it might just be possible to bite
on his sweet bait. You can almost taste the fulfilling worm
of salvation, goodness
truth and love…
But as you watch him walk away
watching him cast his line out again
You realize that to him, you are merely a minnow
in a lake of lost souls…
He’d probably just throw you back in.
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