by Pacific Ink
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Rated "G" by the Author.
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A Poem (first draft; any suggestion is welcome)
They met at the foyer
leading to the auditorium,
before a colloquium.
(A gentleman was about to lecture
on fracture defects.)
Her first week as a transfer student
at Cornel was passing well.
He was enjoying her company,
first just as a source of fantasy
and then something mistaken and elusive.
They met after fifteen years
in a shopping complex, again it was Ithaca!
She was with her Indian boyfriend,
whom he knew from school.
They had a round of beer, and then parted.
Now he wonders why she would
always take him to buy Patchouli,
Silk Kurta and Herbal mixtures…
(whenever he showed interest
for Hollywood movies and rock concerts.)
Thanks Kate: I am working on third strophe, have cut it entirely (temporarily).
Paul: it is not Ulysses' Ithaca, this is about the university town "Ithaca (NY?)".
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|Reviewed by Mr. Ed
|Found this quite interesting, Pacific, especially the last stanza.|
|Reviewed by Paul Williams
|Was it Penolpe this blessed Odyessus had missed? Superbly original my friend.
|Reviewed by Kate Burnside
|If you're into a more narrative style here, can I suggest you check out the poetry of my friend, Kenny Baez, who writes on AD? He's quirky and knowledgeable, and some of his work pleases and intrigues in equal measure while holding its course seemingly effortlessly through more of a tale. And thanks again for your incisive comments today: I had never thought of the self-pitying aspect, and that really touched my funny bone! Yep, perhaps the third stanza in particular needs flesh on the bones here, particularly having mentioned how much "her company" was enjoyed in the previous one. Otherwise an interesting threesome developping! TY Kate|
|Reviewed by Sandie Angel
|Wonderful write and good story-telling technique.
Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
|Reviewed by Kate Clifford
|Fasanting write and very orginal. Enjoyed the thought wave you placed into it.|