You were there first, then company came, twelve years when by then it happened again. What did you do to be punished so, a baby again, Oh My God NO!
The brother so close was enough to bear, best friends, playmates, a family bond so rare, no one asked or wanted another to be added to the pair.
Grandpa, dad, the ones on which you count, betrayed the code when they welcomed the one whom you could have done without.
A messy little girl, who cried and threw fits, it wasn't what you asked for and it was enough to want to call it quits.
The time went by and the little girl grew, into even more of a burden to your brother and you.
With Mom at work and dad gone on the truck, I'm sure having to care for and watch over this kid was a nightmare, from which you wished you'd wake up!
Down to the ranch, you thought ahhh peace at last, high school, dates, fast cars, but hold it buddy not so fast!
Anytime you and brother want to do what boys do, Dad won't let you leave the ranch, unless of course, you take little miss smarty pants!
Arguments, fist fights with your brother, over the little shit, dear Jesus,what a menace and you've had enough of it.
Everywhere you want go, she will, or has to follow, at times it's okay, but other times you're so pissed you can't swallow.
Graduation day, you're so grown, you finally think, college, a life, a girlfriend, the world's wide open, I'll finally be on my own without that little fink.
Off to college you go, and finally begin to feel alright, but there are many times you catch yourself wondering is little brat doing alright.
College is expensive and the folks can't help so you have to give it up and you're back home, sleeping on a daybed, and again stuck dealing with the little whelp.
You settle in to a job at the mill, you've got a girlfriend, a life, but still you are followed everywhere by the little pill.
Now Dad's up in Portland at the VA again, mom's on a bender, and again you're the daddy figure stuck watching over your little friend.
Sometimes she makes you smile, and even makes you laugh, but most of the time she makes you mad, makes you yell, wonder what you did to be subjected to this hell.
She looks to you for guidance, acceptance and brotherly love, there are even those RARE instances when you think, instead of from below, she might have been sent from up above.
With your brother in the Army, shipped off to Nam, Dad's now back home, but mom's drinking badly and much of the time the bratty little girl seems very lost and alone.
Dad's sick again, so a move to Portland is planned, so the whole family can be nearer to Dad, and off to work mom goes, leaving you to work a job and take care of the monster in clothes.
The kid, she's getting older, and Jesus what a mouth, there are rare times you're proud of her, but most of the time, you'd like to knock her out.
You marry, have a life and kids of your own, but because of mom's hardcore drinking, did you ever think to yourself "Man, my poor little sister is still stuck at home."
In high school, she's lazy, has a big mouth, and is such a smart ass to Dad, you tell her how lucky she's got it, and if you talked to him like that, "man, my ass would have been had."
She's getting older and more irritating, and your fights come to blows, she's a scrapper, but you feel guilty, because the the rift it throws.
Family get togethers are wild, mom's drinking, the yelling, the disrespect that seems to permeate all forms of dealing with this teenage child.
Her graduation, she's grown, and you seem to be proud. Then the Air Force, she's married, and then she's got kids of her own, but holy hell she still pisses you off like she did before she was grown.
Your brother dies, instant devastation, the whole family seems to fall apart, Dad is sick and suffering, mom's sinks deeper into drinking, and then big brother and baby sister's marriages depart.
Inheritance issues, estrangement, bad blood, we fight and fight, arguing over property long gone and that should have been Dad's, reliving the past and yelling back and forth about who's wrong and who's right.
Lost Dad, mom's sick, many say "is the youngest doing her in." You can't believe what you're hearing, and its "here we go again!"
Baby sister's grown up, she watches over a dying mom, it's tough to be there because though you know it won't be long, it's hard to watch your little sister sitting there stoicly trying to be strong.
Mom dies the night before baby sister's birthday, you're out of town, and when she calls to tell you, you don't seem to know what to say.
Funeral issues, family fighting, inlaws stepping in when they should step out, it's our mother, our losses, our relationship to build on or cast out.
Marriage problems, again together, it seems to be ordained, again there is fighting, yelling, and again it's still the same. Words are said in anger, meant to hurt and to blame.
Now as I remember, all those years that I was a pain, I know that you love, and have always loved me, and I hope you know I feel, and felt, the same.
I once told you that another was my favorite but I lied. You were father, brother, mentor, and friend to me, and you have never left my side.
In spirit, or in body, with me you have always been. And for you dear brother, I give my thanks and gratitude to the big HIM.
For 48 years, I wished you knew, that I felt blessed to have had someone so special to watch over me and keep me safe while I grew.
So I end these words unlike they began, expressing the love, respect, and comfort knowing that you are, and have always been, My Guardian!
©2007 Lloydene F. Hill