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Peter J. Hedge

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The Chastity Belt
by Peter J. Hedge

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

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           >> View all 12

Again, this is NOT my joke . . . just my poem.

The Chastity Belt

King Arthur was off to the Holy Wars,
(It was that time of year).
But his main worry,
Was the chastity,
Of his lovely Guinevere.

So he called in a blacksmith to make her a belt,
That was fitted with a guillotine
And could sever a marriage
With a slash so savage
It compared to a threshing machine.

Arthur alone carried the key
To this terrible invention.
So any advance,
Would be taking a chance . . .
. . . if that was a knight's intention!

Upon his return after three years or more,
Arthur lined up his knights by the moat.
But once they were stripped,
Well, he went all tight-lipped,
And a lump it came up to his throat.

For, as he looked along that line
A sorry sight he saw.
You see, crudely put,
Each had lost a half a foot.
(And some substantially more!)

Sir Allen, Sir Benjamin and Sir Cumsize as well,
Had all fallen victims to that knife.
And though their wounds were mended,
Their love lives surely ended,
The day they'd messed about with Arthur's wife.

Distraught from his findings,
King Arthur continued 'til his eyes lit up in delight.
For Sir Lancelot,
Had not been got.
(At least everything seemed alright).

So the aging monarch embraced his friend
While the rest hung their heads in shame.
Knowing their lust,
Had betrayed a trust . . .
. . . so they'd only themselves to blame.

"Take all that you want," King Arthur said.
"My money, my land or my gold.
"Your loyalty,
"And honesty,
"Is a pleasure for me to behold."

Sir Lancelot looked down at his king,
Smiled and felt tingley all over.
Then raising his head,
Opened his mouth and said,
"Wghghyught whyfgthju ishuuver!"

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Reviewed by A PAX 11/22/2003
god.....u are talented!
Reviewed by Sean Rasmussen 11/21/2003
Exellent, Best laugh Id had in a long time. Thanks
Reviewed by ya mama (Reader) 11/20/2003
this is awesome. funny as hell. and dig the illustration
Reviewed by Sarah Tagert 11/17/2003
oh!! that is so funny, lol!!
Reviewed by June Thompson 10/14/2003
I know this joke. I've told it a time or two in the bar back in the day. haha this was delightful.. quite the encore

well done
Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw) 10/14/2003
That is too funny, Peter! Yes, the tongue can get you into all kinds of trouble, eh? smiles...
In Spirit,
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 10/14/2003

o, this is a delight! so hysterical *haven't heard this one--where are you getting these jokes??? LOL*

great post, and again, welcome to author's den, you're among friends!

(((HUGS))) and love,

karla. :)
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 10/14/2003
You got me with that last line! An improbable, but delightful tale.
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