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Peter J. Hedge

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A Scottish Soldier
by Peter J. Hedge

Friday, November 21, 2003

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Recent poems by Peter J. Hedge
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           >> View all 12

Another "chestnut" and, for the record, my mother was a Scot and I play the pipes!

          A Scottish Soldier

A Scottish soldier went into a drugstore,
And said to the young girl there,
“Could ye tell me for free,
“What it would cost me,
“If this condom ye did repair?”

He handed her an old contraceptive,
And she held it twixt finger and thumb.
It was yellow and wrinkled,
Transparent and crinkled,
Like the skin of an old man’s bum.

“I’ll have to ask,” she said keeping her poise,
“The person who owns this place.
“So, please have a seat,
“Take your weight off your feet,”
And a grin it spread over her face.

The pharmacist shook his head in amazement,
And to his assistant did say,
“I know I’m not stupid,
“But this glove of Cupid,
“Has long since had its day.

“Tell him from me it’ll cost him a dollar,
“But a new one just two nickels more.
“Let him determine,
“If he wants rags or ermine . . .
“. . . then show him the way to the door.

So the young girl relayed to the soldier,
The gist of her conversation.
And . . . somewhat vexed,
Looking most perplexed,
He departed in great consternation.

The following day the Scotsman returned
And said with joy in his voice,
“I am prepared,
“To have it repaired . . .
“ . . . Or should I say, that’s the regiment’s choice.”


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Reviewed by A PAX 11/22/2003
and lolol
all 4 one and one 4 all
this is adorable,and so well the rhyme, and style...
Reviewed by Oirdheirc Mor (Reader) 11/22/2003
Hi Peter,
That was a cracker, but being a full blown haggis chaser myself.
I have to ask the question was the Regiment up to full strenght at the time, I would hate to think they short changed themselves.
Oirdheirc Mor
Reviewed by *********** ********** (Reader) 11/22/2003

The world needs more humour.....Enjoyed ty, Dani
Reviewed by Ch'erie de Perrot 11/22/2003
Omg, you'll be a sorry for that choice :):)
Reviewed by Erin Kelly-Moen 11/21/2003
Oh my god, Peter, hahahaha, this was great!! Oh, jeez, silly soldiers, oh, ugh, the reality hits... Enjoyed! :)
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