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Frank Koerner

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Ain't This Just Ducky?
by Frank Koerner
Monday, June 11, 2012
Rated "G" by the Author.
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In Florida, a flock of hefty Muscovy ducks terrorized residents of a quiet retirement community, nipping at their heels, chasing them to their doors and chewing on one woman’s dress. The ducks, which number about 100, have bitten or harassed a number of residents.

One woman took her late husband’s cane when she went to the mailbox. “If any ducks come near me, I’m going to bat them. They’re not going to attack me again.” Animal control officers don’t remove ducks because they’ll just fly back to the same spot, said one official. “We don’t do ducks,” he said.

Because the ducks are not native to Florida, the state Game and Fresh Water Fish Commission does not have jurisdiction to remove them. The ducks were brought to Florida about 70 years ago from South America and reproduce rapidly.


There is almost nothing conceivable, that could be any horrider


Than an invasion of Killer Ducks in the great state of Florida.


They'd all been girding for attacks by dastardly Brazilian bees,


Hence developed no defenses for attacks by ducks. Holy Geez!




They should have been warned by officials, who will probably duck


All responsibility therefore and who will now hope for some luck


In resolving the problem; hope they'll slip through a crack,


But what have they forgotten? This will be a tough nut to quack.




There are so many issues upon which a politician must stake


A career ever upward rising. Who would ever believe that a drake


Might cause a problem such as this, for its essence is quite real.


It's a problem that can't be ducked, especially when it's a teal.




Politically, there is always the hope that legislation will fill


A need to resolve a societal concern and this might fit the bill.


If they can state the web of words that will take off them the heat


And not be attacked by the opposition; i.e., that of the webbed feet.




Birds of a feather flock together and all the resident birds


Of the Florida legislature have to formulate the requisite words


To expunge this flighty menace or this invasion will never cease.


What will likely be next? An invasion by a gaggle of geese?




Legislative delays can't be tolerated. They cannot pass the buck.


They have to grab the bull by the horns and pass a Bill of Duck.


A solution must be swift. Folks are tired of a system that chugs.


The real menace to our society now appears to be ducks, not drugs.




Copyright © 2012 by Frank Koerner  


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 6/13/2012
I love it when things are “horrider in Florider.” I think Patrick is on the solution. On the other hand, they could just let the other invasive species, the Anaconda, do the trick for them. Great sense of humor.

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 6/12/2012
Well they must not be protected in the state of Florida not being native and all. I suggest an enterprising Chinese restaurant will be having a sale on Peking duck in the near future. Patrick
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/12/2012
I can see it now, "DUCKS, NOT DRUGS" banners all over Florida...but beware of those animal rights groups, they won't allow nary a feather to be harmed on the animals, saying it is likely the people that caused the harm...humorous write, enjoyed...e

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