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A collaborative poem, by Charlie and Axilea
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Metal-on-metal screeching,
doors slide open, spilling passengers
they loom,
casting shadows on my indecision.
Waiting waiting waiting
mind already traveling with eyes closed
internalized rhythm, whistle and horns
heart of steel on steel,
stolen thoughts what to do to do to do
Windows slide open and screech closed
just as I'm ready to leap on--
leap in--
leap from,
tin-woman's heart-chamber open and waiting
States of mind between stations blind my faith - window landscape see don't see see don't see ->
locomotive lost - demotivated soul
world unfolding fast - high on speed,
isolation at the time of magnetic levitation,
heavy, unavailable heart of lead...
am I ready to leap on -->
A leitmotif of blurred discernment — enlighten > obscure < enlighten > obscure <
no revelation at this station, no triangulation on my situation,
just hebetation—just strangulation
a molten heartlump in my gullet—
chug-a-tug-tug-tug, chug-a-tug-tug-tug
a slowing train-door’s hesitation <-->
Half a passenger of this life
one half sitting -> mechanic arrow taking me away
one half standing . in the cold clueless
cigarette butts and chewing gum litter
sad constellation on the platform configuration
a need to slow down, a need to move on --
an-urgency, a-break-to-pull, an-urgency, a-break-to-pull
compelling graffiti of splattered life in bas-relief
my local motivation, I’m off…
unmoving, stationary, immobile, all aboard,
searching unknown constellations,
Strained, yet stealing time,
hoping for a stainless comet
to guide my train to to to
--> a starlit station *
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| Reviewed by D. Vaineo |
11/5/2011 |
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Axilea & Charlie, A top ten poem!
Always,
Deborah |
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| Reviewed by jude forese |
11/3/2011 |
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an existential journey from the station of being through the landscape of becoming ...
a system of neural networks superimposed and integrated into a free-flowing collaborative effort through the transit of synaptic systems unified into a single track of poetic perception ... |
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| Reviewed by Christine Tsen |
11/3/2011 |
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Oh this is transcendent, inspiring!
I can't tell who wrote which pieces, but you go in a magnificent direction unabated. Breathtaking poem!
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| Reviewed by Roger Wayne Eberle |
11/2/2011 |
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| quite creotic |
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| Reviewed by Kate Burnside |
11/2/2011 |
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| Your combined energies in this tour de force strain forward, strain at the leash as if to unbuckle or to birth new ground physically or spiritually. It's therefore interesting to read your own comments on your individual experience of the process of collaboration. The plays on words and use of symbols adds to the crucible or melting pot and we can see at a glance that this is only the beginning, the stopper out of the bottle, of what you can produce together. Breathless and boundary-breaking, I love that you are steel-against-steel, causing sparks to fly from your harnessed wheels and taking us all on the most enjoyable lexigraphical ride. MORE PLEASE! :)) xx |
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| Reviewed by Felix Perry |
11/2/2011 |
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Though I haven't been on a train in over thirty years your collab brought me back in time to those days of rail and yes there are so many wonderful methaphorical images to be seen in this work. Well done you two.
fee |
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| Reviewed by Gene Williamson |
11/2/2011 |
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Marvelous, non-stop, in sync collaboration. I agree with Charlie,
your next collaboration should be a book. -gene. |
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| Reviewed by Jon Willey |
11/2/2011 |
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| Axilla and Charlie(?), your collaboration appears to have been an experience of enlightenment and joy -- I too experienced the same writer's euphoria with my collaborations -- the poem is a gem -- the train of life is a one way ticket punched for us at birth -- there are no exists nor return trips 'til our final destination -- into the vastness of the universe divine we travel at an unknown, irrelevant velocity -- decisions confront us at every station, a pause, a time of introspection and soul searching as we speed off captives on the train of life to the next station of decision and indecision -- yet never leaving the train -- in life, he who hesitates is sure to be challenged and suffer the inevitable pangs of regret --dare to be! -- chug chug, chug chug, chug chug -- until the whistle of destiny blows the final time -- I bid you love and peace my dear friend -- Jon Michael |
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| Reviewed by Patrick Granfors |
11/2/2011 |
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| Masterful mistressful magical starlite expressions meet the daily grind and chews it up and slowly spits it out! Patrick |
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| Reviewed by Christine Alwin |
11/2/2011 |
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What a ride, you both blend beautifully as one has written this! "mind already traveling with eyes closed" never a dull moment~
Christine
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| Reviewed by Liana Margiva |
11/2/2011 |
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| POWERFUL WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva |
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| Reviewed by John Flanagan |
11/1/2011 |
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There's no reverse on this train,
Charlie and Axilea, it's a constant
forward, a dynamic thrust..love
the energy, the repetitions ane enforcements,
the sheer locomotion of the thing..
splendid collaboration, you two - kudos!
John |
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| Reviewed by Ronald Hull |
11/1/2011 |
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A syncopated look at life from the view point of the locomotive to the stars. Interesting concept as chaotic as lovers texting.
Ron |
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| Reviewed by Axilea MU |
11/1/2011 |
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A wonderful process, full of self-discovery: I love writing with you too, Charlie! It's as if feeling your words awakened mine and new facets of my writing (as well as yours, I believe) became visible. Something empowering in this kind of writing too. And I agree that the playful word construction makes it easier to transcend the difficult situation described. Yes!
Axilea |
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| Reviewed by Charlie |
11/1/2011 |
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A collaborative me(n)tal abrasion. I love writing with you! We should do a book ;0)
What I like best about this is the playful nature of word-play within the mind-wrenching situation, and how our two styles meshed into something concrete, almost to the point where it's difficult to tell which writer wrote which strophes. I beg the readers to try.
Most effective visuals: I like the tin woman's heart-chamber and the litter making a "sad contellation". Also, the arrows work very well to give the poem movement--emotive motion as well. --Charlie
Can I just add something here? For those of you who don't know me, I'm a WOMAN! and although I love Axilea dearly, it's a very sisterly sort of thing. We're not lovers, unless you mean we're lovers of truth--lovers of wisdom--lovers of books, etc... |
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| Reviewed by Douglas Bentley |
11/1/2011 |
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Riveting
Creative writing
Love the ending.
db |
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| Reviewed by Alan Abrams |
11/1/2011 |
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| the reader exits, wobble-legged, like a traveler disembarking after a harrowing journey... |
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