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Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

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341s (another air force basic story)
by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Monday, March 31, 2003

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united states air force
lackland air force base
san antonio texas
basic military training squadron
bmts squadron 77
flight w-023
1983
last week of basic
*can't believe i've made it this far*
it's nearly over
next week is graduation
when you can say
adios bmts adios t.i.'s
hello new adventure
better not get too confident
'cause the t.i.
will dress you down
in a heartbeat
when you least expect it
AIRMAN
whaddaya think yer doin'
give me a 341
on the double
moveitmoveitmoveit
i didn't say yestiddy
NOW
341's are discrepancy reports
little pieces of paper
designed to fit in your pocket
must have 3 of them
on you
at all times
if you screw up
the t.i. can pull one
if you do good
the t.i. can pull one
never know if you've been good or bad
*so be good for goodness' sake*
HA
too many and you get
recycled sent back
sometimes to the
very
first
day
and gotta go through
basic
all
over
again
you don't wanna screw up
well one afternoon i was
dorm guard
guarding my flight my group of girls
doing walk arounds
every 15 minutes
making sure no one got in
that wasn't supposed to
no one got out
that wasn't supposed to
making sure there were
no fires
or other hazards
to endanger the flight
the rest of the time
i stand at the door
guarding the dorm
against enemies
foreign
and
domestic
a 2d lieutenant
a 2d louie
butterbar
wants admission
can't let her in unless
her name's on my list
she demands to enter
check my list she ain't on it
*nope no can do*
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
i need to see your ddform214 ma'am
military i.d.
she holds up her driver's license
upsidedown
let me in let me in
the butterbar roars
doing her best big bad wolf imitation
*not by the hair of my chinny chin chin*
i don't say it
but i'm sure thinkin' it
HA
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
you are not on my list
that is not your ddform214
that is your driver's license
and it's from maryland
i say it kinda snotty
didn't mean to
it just kinda happened
*the nerve of her
tryin' to pull a fast one on me*
you cannot come in MA'AM
AIRman
tsgt hallie a vardell
my t.i.
shouts LET ER IN
MA'AM
flight attenHUT
'cause she's an officer
the butterbar demands a 341
i give it to her
she writes on the front
turns it over
and continues on the back
yer t.i.'s gonna wanna see this
*my a** is grass
and the t.i.'s the lawnmower*
then i hear typing
you NEVER hear typing
unless you're being
recycled
ohdangohcrud
the butterbar's fixin' to leave
flight attenHUT
pop the door let her out
then i hear AIRMAN
git in here
NOW
find someone to cover my duty
git in there
NOW
knock three times
any more she calls you a woodpecker
three times
not once not twice not four
three
t.i. says enter
i snap to attenHUT in front of her
whip a snappy salute
*the best i've ever done*
and say
airman vidra reports
as ordered
MA'AM
at ease
siddown
*ohdangohcrud*
gotta smoke
ma'am airman vidra reports yes ma'am
gimme one
ma'am
gimme one you light one up too
the one and only time i
disobeyed an order
is when the t.i. told me light up
we were expressly forbidden to smoke
in the dormitory
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered i will give you a smoke
but i will not smoke MA'AM
why not i said you could
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered we are forbidden to smoke
in the dorms ma'am i will not smoke
okaaaaayyyyyyyy
i'm sweatin' bullets
t.i. hands me my 341
and proceeds to resume
typing
i say ma'am airman vidra reports
may i be honest with you
yes
ma'am airman vidra reports
i'mscaredtodeath to read it
read it anyway
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
*gulp*
ma'am
i read it
excellent well done performed well
the only thing wrong
snotty attitude about maryland
HA
ma'am airman vidra reports
may i ask you one more thing
yes
ma'am airman vidra reports
what are you typing
she pulls the sheet of paper out
hallie a vardell
hallie a vardell
hallie a vardell
over and over and over again
that's it
gitouttahere NOW
*whheeewwwww*
i stand up snap to attenHUT
whip another snappy salute
*that was good, too*
grin like an idiot
about face
march out of the t.i.'s den
left right left
and proceed to let the biggest yell
i've ever yelled in my life
yeeeeeHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
AIRMAN
MA'AM
CAN you git any more enthusiastic
ma'am airman vidra reports
as ordered
HELL YEAH
*i made it*
whoo-hoooooooooooooooooooooo


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Reviewed by Paul Berube 6/22/2007
Hey Karla. Thanks for the great reviews. If I ever get some spare time I'll read some of your works and leave you some feedback. I was in Lackland myself back in 03. Just an overnight stop on my way from Sill back to NH. Thanks again and God bless.
Reviewed by Gabor Renner (Reader) 2/23/2004
Great Job, Karla!
An excellent picture of the agitation, anxiety and "Durchhaltewillen" (Germ. "will-to-hold-out") to follow a standing order under pressure.
Reminds me of my boot camp guard duties...

Gabor
Reviewed by Stephanie Suell (Reader) 2/7/2004
Karla
This was too cute and reminded me of basic...I had many 341's pulled :) I can recall getting one pulled for covering my mouth when I sneezed (I was in formation) hahahah
Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 3/31/2003
This was great! I hope you have a lot more of these, cause I sure love reading them!

Excellent!

Reindeer
Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader) 3/31/2003
This is very good.
CLAPPING
Peg
Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader) 3/31/2003
Bravo for you.
Reviewed by Erin Kelly-Moen 3/31/2003
This is freakin wonderful, Karla!! I was sweating bullets, too... :) Reminds me of stories Jerry used to tell me of his Army days.
Reviewed by Patricia Gomes 3/31/2003
Karla, you made me sweat right beside you. The short lines in this one heightens the anxious tone. A wonderful read.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 3/31/2003
great story in this poem; glad you passed! but i would have been sweating bullets if that were me (possibly even CANNONBALLS!! OW!! ;0)! hysTERical write, karla; love the way you word your memories! captured from the get-go; had to continue to see how this ended; and so glad it ended happily for you! :) (bet HALLIE was glad, too! :)) love, your twin, karen lynn. ((((HUGS)))) :)
*~*~*SAAAALUTE, SOLDIER!*~*~* about face! HARCH! attenHUT! at ease, ma'am! (SORry!) >grins stupidly <
Reviewed by Cathy Montgomery (Reader) 3/31/2003
Karla, this is another good one--enjoyed the glimpse into your air force days!!
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