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Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

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Member Since: Dec, 2001

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Letter to Self (Letter Format) In Answer to Bear's Challenge (Contest)
by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Sunday, December 07, 2003

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Karla, meet Self. Self...what can you do with Karla?

Dear Karla,

What do you want out of life?  What do you really want?


To be happy.  Happiness comes to those that stop living in the past.  Stop bringing up past anger and hurts.  Stop trying to base your happiness on what others think of you.  Stop trying to impress others so they'll "like" you.  Stop being jealous of other's accomplishments.

To be rich.  Not RICH RICH, but to have enough money to pay my bills and have some left over.   Compared to others, Karla, you are rich.  You have a roof over your head, food to put in your stomach, a job to earn money to pay the bills.  You'd have money left over after paying bills if you only saved some instead of "blowing" it.  Others would dream of being in your shoes.

To be healthy.  Be glad you can walk.  Be glad you can see.  Be glad you can hear.  Be glad you can talk.  Be glad for the pain.  So you walk with a cane.  So you wear glasses.  So you're losing your hearing.  So you hurt twenty four seven.  Be glad.  Karla, you were not expected to live when you were born.  You were born early.  You were tiny (not as tiny as your twin sister, but not a heavyweight, either).  You are alive.  Forty four lives (so far) God has let you live on this Earth.  That's forty four more than you were expected to live.  You are a survivor.  You are strong.  You have the heart of a lion roaring inside you, Karla.  You are courageous.  You are only "disabled" if you let your disabilities live you.  Learn to live despite your disabilities, learn to live with them.  Rise above them and show the courage you have inside of you.  And you need to learn to watch what you eat, to eat healthier.  You get plenty of exercise, but you would much rather eat a burger or pizza than veggies or fruit.  You like vegetables and fruit, why not munch on them as a snack?  But I like pretzels...So have a freakin' pretzel...just don't eat the whole bag!!  EAT IN MODERATION.  You don't have to diet, just watch how much you're putting in your mouth!   

To be more compassionate.  I only cry when I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I'm tired of being nice to people, giving and giving and getting taken instead.  You have let the abuse of the past harden your heart, unless you're having a "poor, poor pitiful Karla moment."  Be open to other's needs, to their pain; be a friend to a friend in need.  So they don't reciprocate...at least you know in your heart of hearts that you did what you could, you did what God would have you to do.

My attitude sucks, BIG TIME, especially at work. To improve your attitude, stop letting your anger affect your job performance.  It shows on your face that you're unhappy.  CHANGE IT.  Stop complaining all the time, people don't want to hear your problems.  Stop taking your job home.  You are a valuable employee (sure I am--if I was--)  Hold it right there, Karla.  You are a valuable employee.  You've worked at your job for almost six years.  That's the longest you've worked ANYWHERE.  So the boss doesn't treat you as such.  So you haven't gotten a raise.  Be satisfied that you are dependable, that the boss can rely on you.  Stop pitying yourself.  Stop letting anger dampen your mood.  Be happy you HAVE a job.  Be happy that it is within walking distance.  Be happy that customers and employees like you and miss you when you're not around. 

And I'm always getting mad...I can't seem to control my mouth.  When you are mad (and you seem to be mad a lot), think before you say something.  Write it down instead of saying the meanest thing you can think of and then throw it away, instead of inflaming an argument, especially with your twin sister.  You hurt her a lot with your attitude, with your angry words.  And pray...you've given up on God, it seems.  You feel He doesn't hear you, because your prayers aren't answered.  He hasn't given up on you.  He still answers prayers.

Yeah, I can hear you now:  "Sure, He does."  Your cynical nature is showing again, Karla.  You are filled with so much self loathing and bitterness you can't see the blessings God's given you.

BLESSINGS???  Who are you kidding???  Being unhappy, poor, disabled, uncaring (at least, you think so), WITH an ugly attitude is a BLESSING????  Are you NUTS?????  With an attitude like that...Karla, all you are seeing is the negative aspects of your life.  The hurts, real and imagined.  The disappointments.  The failures.  You've forgotten how to see the beauty around you, the beauty that is you.  And it has affected you.

You once believed you could do anything.  Now you struggle along, living one day at a time, with no hope for the future.  You've given up on your dreams.  You feel you've been disappointed so much, why dream?  Why bother?  They'll never come true , you feel.  They won't, with that attitude.

What dreams do you have, Karla?  What do you want to be?  Where do you want to go?  What do you want from life?

Oh, shoot, I want to travel to Africa and Alaska.  I want to be a published writer.  I want a HUMMER (although I'd take anything with wheels...as long as it was an automatic).  I want enough money to pay my bills and have some left over, so if I want to take a trip or go to classes or DO something, I can, without worrying about "which bill can I skip paying this pay period?"  I want to feel like my life has meaning.  I want to make something of myself.  I don't know what I would like to do with the rest of my life, but I don't want to be a cashier the rest of my life. 

So what's stopping you?

Me...it's me.  I don't have...

STOP.  "You DON'T have..."  So...what are you going to do about your life that you DO have?

(C) Karla Dorman, 2003.


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Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 12/8/2003
Oh Wow Karla, this got to me big time, I wish I was as brave as you to take such a deep look and answer those questions, I think you are absolutely wonderful, You are definitely one of the best writers I have ever read, I wish I could tell you how much your Kitty stories brightened my days, I pray you get your wishes here, you deserve them,

Always,
Walk In beauty,
Reindeer
Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw) 12/8/2003
Karla, Karla, Karla!!!! This is truly a healing exercise, isn't it. I found that nobody wants to hear about my problems, but me, if I was willing to face them. And in facing them, in whatever way we can, is a healing. It's so much about introspection as it is of just plain healing. That's what it's all about. Some people are comfortable in their discomfort and dis-ease, and are afraid of healing by facing themselves. This is so excellent, Karla... what we do to our inward selves!!!! sigh.... Stay strong, and I know you will...
In Spirit,
Bear
Reviewed by Mark Rockeymoore 12/8/2003
this was wonderful, especially all of the answers you responded with to the questions of the transitory you..we all have these issues in some degree or another and you expose the fallacy well, with the juxtaposition of the moment and immediate thoughts with the overriding reality of blessings, and the realization tha tthere is always someone worse off. this is, by far, my favorite piece by you yet! keep on writin', keep on learnin', keep on sharin'!
Reviewed by Floria Kelderhouse (Reader) 12/8/2003
Hi Karla..this was a great insight into your life...you did so well with it...I like how you can easily accept some things in life and turn it around and how others are more difficult and you have to talk yourself into it...good writing..enjoyed...floria
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader) 12/8/2003
Karla this is wonderful, wise and unique.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 12/8/2003
Bravo on your fine letter to yourself, Karla. We always want more than we have, but a halt in life like this, to examine ourselves can only help. We should all do one of these. Great job!
Reviewed by Calendula Petal (Reader) 12/8/2003
I can only echo what the other have said. Like your sisters letter, this was an amaxing insight into your feelings about yourself. You too are being so harsh on yourself. So what you feel self pity sometimes, we are all entitled to have days when we can have a good moan, but dont let it become always. Your struggles through life has moulded you into what you are....a wonderful person....and dont argue with me! lol
Reviewed by Bonita Quesinberry 12/7/2003
Excellent! Now, you are your own world's best counselor. As a counselor, that is what I strive toward when I work with someone... for free by the way. Bravo! Now, DO with what you have and be mighty humble that God gave it to you. As an editor, I really like the way you laid this out. Well done, Karla. As an author, you keep pursuing the dream and you will get there. As a Christian, God hears our prayers when we ask for the right things: those are not of this world. Karla, life is what you decide it will be. There is no disability around that can stop anyone who decides not to be stopped: especially when they let God help them with whatever they can't do themselves. And, we've suffer no pain as great as Christ suffered on His way to the cross, and certainly not as much as He suffered on the cross. Beat it, instead of letting pain beat you. Push through it and keep pushing forward! ~~Bonnie Q
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 12/7/2003
Excellent heartfelt letter to yourself Karla!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 12/7/2003
Great Letter!
Reviewed by E T Waldron 12/7/2003
Karla this ought to be in a "how to" magazine and pasted on the walls for students to learn how to reason! i applaud your work,your honesty and improved attitude!Bravo!!!
Reviewed by Nicole Davis Vergara (Reader) 12/7/2003
Dear Karla,
Hello to you this evening from your den friend Nikki here in PA! What a wonderful, excellant, introspective, exploratory question and answer write to yourself! You have definitely met the challenge of Bear without a doubt, and I thank you for sharing yet more of yourself with us here at the den!
((((Hugs))))
~Nikki~
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 12/7/2003
(((Karla)))

Excellent, powerful, heartfelt letter to yourself; you have taken a lot of key issues in your life and explored them deeply and practically. You have given a lot of good advice that many can use in their own lives; and you have taken the time to examine your life in a very deep and meaningful way. This letter really moved me; thank you for sharing! You have far exceeded the challenge; BRAVA for one fine write! This is absolutely OUTSTANDING!!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your twin, Karen Lynn. :D
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