there's a lot of difference
in watching and doing...hence
ain't as easy as it looks
can't learn from t.v., or books

first time i went on the slopes
thought i knew it all (big dope!)
i learned not to cross my tips
when i wasn't cutting fffflllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppppps

said i'd never ski again
but was bored the next weekend
back to the slopes--one more try
my mother just rolled her eyes

i learned how to ride the lift
also fell off--looked REAL swift
i only fell thirty feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
fall not bad, stop not so sweet

next week, i'm back on the skis
this ain't bad, getting easy
decide to go down THE HILL
take a tumble, take a spill

lookin' sharp, i'm lookin' good
oh, yeah, like i knew i would
there's this dude...i busta mmmmooooooooooooooove
and that's when i lose my groove

cross the tips:  a big no-no
do a face plant in the snow
guy says, "i thought you could ski!"
whoosh, he's gone, he's history

i stand up, strap on my skis
they fell off, abandoned me
forget what i learned:  aww sppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt
why didn't i stop, and quit

down, down the hill, cheetah fast
(i'm gonna fall, bust my ass)
at the bottom is a fence
and the lodge, looking immense

i am not hurt, by God's grace
neither is the lodge defaced
somehow miss the fence and WWHHHAAAAAAAAAMM
run into the lodge:  ka-BLAM

karen is inside the lodge
didn't see my desperate dodge
i come in, covered in snow
"what happened?" she wants to know

"some idjit thinks she can ski...
ran into the lodge."  "who?"  "ME"
she hears that, she falls out--HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
karen laughs, a big ole caw

and do you know...she won't let me live it down???

(C) karla dorman, 2003