I have heard lies and I have lived them, I know of the devastation that they cause, and I know that it is a sin before our Father. I know who the father of lies is, yet he can yet deceive even the best. He talks as in a whisper, but if you listen closely you can really hear hissing. The serpent first and last.
Why should I leave the place of my birth, that being the bosom of my Father. Who else has been by me in the storms. Holding my hand and whispering his love through all my attempts at living in his image.
Now the latest, I am alone he says, Yes I know how one can be amidst people, sometimes sister and brother, parents. At times the one who holds you close at the end of the day. Yes you feel nothing, except a separation that would pull your heart and spirit right from your body. I know, I have battled this since I was a child.
In a stadium at a concert and still feeling a chasm that seems never to fill. Nothing visible but it wears on your skin as real as can be. I hear all the seemingly good advice, and sometimes the stern rebuke, and what has it accomplished ? Nothing the feeling is still there, praying and fasting using the tools of our trade.
What if there was a understanding, what is it, why is it, I shrug my shoulders thatís the only answer I have. Trying to fill up the day with things to do, but thereís still that gap for his voice to slip through. I know itís a lie, but it helps me not. I am still there.
It keeps me from the place I would rather be, it steals my dreams, It is not a play thing, how horrible this thing is. Yet will I ever be delivered, Yes, when the time is right, when I am in the right place, God will come through, He always has. I just sit and listen to music and let it carry my thoughts away. I can fly on its notes, and I no longer think of what it is that is bothering me.
I know there is a place that God resides within me, he sees my pain and knows that I didnít wish this upon myself. It is a tool to drive me closer to him, it will teach me to surrender, for my desires of him, and for him will drive me to live on past this old quarry. So even as my mentor and big brother David did I will praise him even in the midst of my pain. For God will get the glory out of everything I endure!