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Peter J. Oszmann

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· Jew Be or Not Jew Be; The Story of a Perpetual Alien

Short Stories
· Stories about my childhood, my Mother and her family.

· The Butterfly Effect (Repost) Revised

· A living, breathing abstract art…- (Satire)

· Christmas Miracles.

· The Anniversary.

· Traces In The Air - A story of Meaningful Coincidences.

· A Bar of Chocolate… and a Smile…

· You'll cry where no one will see you.

· Professor Somersault knows it all.

· Travel Diary USA - Canada. 1995.

· About the Book -“Remember Us”

· About dicks and arseholes.

· Dotcomology

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· Blogito, ergo sum.

· 2 Blog Or Not 2 Blog.

· Terrorism, martyrdom: A "Jew-ish" perspective.

· Ruminations…

· Who needs Love?…

· Thoughts… just thoughts… Part 2

· Once upon a time - Sonnet

· A stroll in the autumn glow - Sonnet

· Autumn Requiem

· Hallowed be Thy name…

· After sunset - Sonnet

· Why visit museums?

· Searching for your face in the clouds – Sonnet

· Ideal Man – Ideal Woman

· Tanabata - Sonnet

· A Moment On a Summer’s Day… - Sonnet

         More poetry...
· Magda's Daughter : A Hidden Child's Journey Home

· Author Interview at Phoenix Book Reviews.

· Review of "Jew Be or Not Jew Be; The Story of a Perpetual Alien" at Phoenix Book Reviews

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  Hysterical Roman History
by Peter J. Oszmann
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Peter J. Oszmann
•  Once upon a time - Sonnet
•  A stroll in the autumn glow - Sonnet
•  Autumn Requiem
•  Hallowed be Thy name…
•  After sunset - Sonnet
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                        “Iacta alea est.” *

/ (Julius Caesar, at the crossing of the Rubicon)



When sweet Ruby Kohn reached the Rubicon

Her knickers were truly ablaze.

Across the wide lawn, as if it were drawn,

Stretched an army like human maze.

As she went across she became quite cross,

To the point of feeling ill;

It seemed that the Boss would not give a toss

About marching, or standing still.

“Please tell me dear Sire, what is your desire?

Are you marching or staying put?

My knickers on fire, your prospects are dire,

If you stay here to pussyfoot.

Your men lose their dicks, ‘less I teach them tricks,

In my belly and pants there’s fire,

They’re mice without wits, unless fondling tits;

Let me entertain them good Sire.”

“What you say isn’t nice, my men are no mice.”

- Caesar answered with a stern grin –

“Your loin’s paradise may be full of lice,

Which could give my men itching skin.

To be more precise, keeping it concise,

What I need is good discipline.

I don’t need advice; we will cast the dice,

After I had a tot of gin.”

“What is needed here are barrels of beer

For your men and a song to sing;

That would bring good cheer and some atmosphere,

So they can march without halting.”

“Trying to entice me, not once but twice,

Is something I truly detest.

This whole exercise is ‘bout sacrifice,

To put fighting men to the test.

My heart is like ice; victory’s my prize,

I will lead my men to conquest.

You can keep your vice; I will cast the dice.

We go: Iacta alea est.”*



© P. J. Oszmann (2004)

© Illustration created in Publisher & Photoshop (2004)



** “Iacta alea est” = The dice is cast.







Jew Be or Not Jew Be

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Reviewed by Tracey L. O' Very (Reader) 2/16/2005
This is Totally Great! Thanks!! I needed history with a great big smile!
Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU 2/15/2005

Enjoyable reading. "Hysterical Roman History" is a stimulating
and intriguing composition.

Healthy Evening, Poet.

Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU

20:50 GMT
Reviewed by Mitzi Jackson 2/14/2005
oh my goodness!!!
who could resist the Romans
they had it all (no pun intended)
enjoyed this, too much
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 2/12/2005
In another life I was a roman soldier and I take umbrage to this poem, LOL! But I will get over it as that is the distant past and I am no longer a roman, in fact that closest thing I get to anything roman is pizza...?! Ed
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader) 2/12/2005
Yes this is indeed very funny.
Reviewed by Dave Harm 2/12/2005
Animal House II - the roman empire... well done, enjoyed a lot...
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 2/12/2005
Peter, I'm trying to think of the guy who wrote Blazing Saddles and The Producers. Sometimes we take history too seriously.

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/12/2005

This is too funny; thanks for the giggle today! Well done; bravo!!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in America, Karen Lynn in Texas. :D
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 2/12/2005

Et tu, Peter? No wonder the Roman kingdom collapsed--it collapsed in laughter! You are the emporor of hystical history--I bow to you, Sir! BRAVO!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. :)

Books by
Peter J. Oszmann

Jew Be or Not Jew Be; The Story of a Perpetual Alien

  1. Interaction
  2. A Southern Gentleman...
  3. Gary's Ghostly Bar & Grill
  4. The Toilet Seat
  5. What is it with women...?
  6. Lines
  7. Ah, Shucks
  8. A Guitar
  9. A Cool Guy
  10. Karma Cafe
  11. Somebody Blinked
  12. Halloween is Coming!
  13. Mushmouth Kostro...
  14. Nuts
  15. Friday The 13th
  16. Bobby Banana
  17. Pop-Ups
  18. It's All About Timing
  19. An expose' of the Pines Devil...
  20. My Ass Is Grass

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