You're not coming back are you?

You’re not coming back and I'm tired.

I’m tired of being hopeful, tired of trying to change the subject -
if you don't come back soon,
I don't know how long I'll be able to hold it in.

Sureties that you gave are fading - you'd better do something soon.
The truth is clouded by the aloneness,
by the lack of substance,
by the talk from your old lovers who have abused all you’d intended.

You need to say something now - have I,
in my lack of surety and clear sight,
become the only voice that echoes yours?

I think
I know
I’m never sure.

I still need to hear the words.
I guess that's my problem now.
I still want you. You are still my first and best choice --
I need to love you.
And that's my problem too now.

I don't know if any of this is real anymore or if it's all part of the play -
It hasn’t ended the way I intended.

I remember the days when you made me crazy,
that's the only thing that hasn't changed – except
I love you.
That hasn’t changed either.

I'm running on empty, but you'd be proud of how few people know that.
I'm trying – every day is trying,
testing,
pretending,
walking past the pain --
working through it --
trying not to be a baby about it all.

And in my head, your voice is getting harder to hear –
You know me -
I need to hear the words.