by Jamieson Meredith-Charbonneaux
Wednesday, June 05, 2002
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He was a magician
In the traveling show
I recognized his name
And decided I would go
I felt kind of nervous
As I took my place
I knew he'd have to look
Me straight in the face
And remember that rainy afternoon
So very long ago
He came out on stage
I heard myself gasp
He hadn't changed
He could still take my breath away
He saw me, too
And paused for the
Briefest of moments
Then went on
Soon, the show was over
He had already left the stage
I don't know how I got to my car
I was in such a daze
I thought I was over him
I thought I had moved on
That rainy day came to the fore
And my feelings for him
Were as before
I thought I was dreaming
That someone was calling my name
Slowly I turned around
And there he stood
"Fabulous," he said.
Before I had a chance to speak
I felt his hand upon my cheek
I looked into those deep blue eyes
There was a sadness he could not disguise
I didn't know what to say
I knew that words would get in the way
Then he started to explain
"I know I left without saying goodbye
I was too stubborn to tell you why
I ran away from my feelings for you
I was falling in love and didn't know
What to do
I know I am not worthy of a
Nor am I of your second glance
I know I left you with a lot of pain
But I just had to see you again."
He then hung his head in shame
Barely able to speak my name
He knew how much he hurt me.
"Fabulous," I said,
"Yes, it's true -
You disappeared without a trace
You couldn't tell me to my face
That you felt differently
Than you had previously
I truly thought I was over you
I had fallen so hard for you
And it hurt when you left
Without saying a word."
He then turned and
Started to walk away
He couldn't leave yet!
I had more to say!
"Fabulous!" I cried, "Wait!"
When he turned to the sound
Of my voice
I knew it was too late
I had no choice
I had to tell him everything…
It all came out in a rush
The tears, the pain
How I missed his touch
How much it hurt when he went away
All the things I didn't get to say
I felt tears fall but I didn't care
I had to tell him
Right then, right there
I showed my anger
Displayed my rage
Then it was my turn to walk away
But I found I could not go
Something made me want to stay
His hand on my arm
Gentle and sure
"Please don't go," he said
"You do have reason not to believe me
I'm not asking for another chance
But if you'd see
I think I've changed for the better
I've written my feelings for you in a letter
That I've carried with me all this time
Hoping I would get an opportunity
To tell you that I am sorry…"
He pulled a worn envelope from his pocket
And handed it to me
Then, I don't know why
I broke down and started to cry
I felt him take me into his arms
And there I sobbed
Him protecting me from harm
His gentle voice I heard in my ear
I knew then that he was sincere
I wanted to believe him, I really did
"Prove it," I said, without thinking
"I would do anything for you," he replied
"I want to be with you by your side.
I know you suffered because of my pride
Because I denied what I felt inside…"
"I broke your heart," he said quietly
"I've never forgiven myself for my stupidity
I let you get away
And for months, I've dreamed of this day
Everyone I saw reminded me of you
You're the one I wanted to come to.
Just say the word and I will leave…"
"Fabulous," I said. "I want you to stay."
I told him,
"I forgave you long ago."
This is an older poem of mine from 1998. I was a 20 year old college student involved with an older man, and when we ended our fling, I wrote this to help me get over it. I recently heard from this man, and he still has feelings for me, but I am not the same person now as i was then.