by Jamieson Meredith-Charbonneaux
Friday, July 19, 2002
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I tried to convince myself
There were no feelings in my heart
For you, and for awhile, it seemed to work.
Then something happened;
Something in the way I thought changed,
And familiar feelings came to the fore
That had your name embossed on its cover.
I now saw you in a new light, and I felt
Yes, we'd been intimate, but the feelings
Were not allowed to surface.
In trying to protect my heart from being hurt once again
I tried to lock those thoughts away;
As though not acknowledging their existence
Meant that I was immune from the pain
That drove me to the beach that day we met.
Now, they stand before me in my mind
Taunting me, yes!
We are here, we bear his name
And we're not going away so easily this time!
Afraid to tell you how I feel.
Afraid you will reject me and
my newfound emotions outright.
God, I so don't want to screw this up.
I want his friendship that he's given so freely.
Yet, I want more, and I realize
he may not be ready to give
So much of himself right now.
I couldn't bear for him to hate me
For wanting to give him
A little piece of my heart.