How can I take you seriously,

With a grill full of Indian corn,

Your smile glows so brilliantly,

Like a mouthful of mustard soars,

You’re the only turd I know,

Who eats toast and butters it all at once,

I’m sure your breath is likely bold,

Conquering toothpaste and dental floss,

Did you brush your teeth with cheddar cheese,

Or gargled a can of yellow paint,

Have you heard of Listerine,

Or Tarter Control Colgate,

Can you taste those rotten things,

Dangling from your Gingivitis,

All fuzzy and creamy like mayonnaise,

Bearing critters deadlier then any virus,

Oddly you have a girlfriend,

Do you French and mingle spit,

Apparently very hard to offend,

Slurping on all that paste and grit,

Massaging the texture with her tongue,

Savoring what you’ve already eaten,

Coughing up old cheeseburger crumbs,

Or that omelet last weekend,

For heaven sakes scrub that shit,

Definitely go visit a dentist,

Looks like you’ve been chewing on bricks,

I said it because I meant it.