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Charlie

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Member Since: Sep, 2007

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Decision Station
by Charlie

Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Charlie
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           >> View all 10

Stemming from the prompt: train station, and doubt

 

Oh but she would rather ride a horse across the sea
than hear the abrasive metal-on-metal of train
scuffing sound-marks across her indecision
Noon looms
as the railings rumble
a herd of shoes thunder to the landing…
A horse is what she needs—
one immense enough
to span the dithering ocean
With one foot in Venice
and one foot in Maine,
she could straddle seven noons
Oh, to saddle the moon!
A sigh like train steam
clouds her October morning
Doors rasp open—
Doors of steel and glass—
They close tightly
like her mind
on her decision

 

 

 


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Reviewed by Axilea MU 10/29/2011
Oh, I'm so glad that my little prompt inspired this poem that has so much movement in it. It is movement of the mind and spirit. I like Kate's comment and just like her, I'm very sensitive to the beautiful sounds that accompany this journey of the heart. Trains, horses, voyage, power. I'm still wondering about those doors that "close tightly... on her decision". It must feel great to know where you are going and at the same time, that adjective, "tight", feels a little uncomfortable to me. It's making me think... about me!

Axilea
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 10/28/2011
I love this. I awakens thought and imagination. Thank you, Charlie. Love and best wishes,

Regis
Reviewed by Kate Burnside 10/26/2011
A very interesting juxtapose of concept and idea, working with two quite, seemingly, unconnected images... a magical horse-ride and a train... But then, the horse and the train ARE both locomotives, no? Spanning the sea is the thing: saddling the moon is therefore the answer! This is very dextrous writing that calls for gymansias of thought. Love the weighty vowel sounds of the choo-choo as opposed to the clippity-clop, in particular:

Noon looms
as the railings rumble
a herd of shoes thunder to the landing…

Beautifully onomatopaeic!! No doubt a lack of decision is because of the runaway thoughts that tumble along the never-ending train tracks of the creative mind at work here... :)) xx
Reviewed by jude forese 10/26/2011
creative, imaginative and stimulating ...
Reviewed by Christine Tsen 10/25/2011
Such clever sonic elements in this beautifully crafted poem!
Blessings,
Christine
Reviewed by Albert Megraw 10/25/2011
I wonder how my day would be running with such indecision. Delightful trip around ramble ideas that carry one where ever they wish. Thanks for the trip.
Reviewed by Frank Whyte 10/25/2011
"Oh, to saddle the moon!" Indeed...
Lovely thoughts to set a tired mind adrift.
F
Reviewed by Andy Turner 10/25/2011
Mayhap she needs to rethink her decision. Her path choice is of her own making.
Clever poetry, Charlie!
Reviewed by Gene Williamson 10/25/2011
Charlie, I'm doing my best to ride your runaway imagination...
and saddle the moon. What a trip! What a write! Thanks.
-gene.
Reviewed by Felix Perry 10/25/2011
I like this, truly unique with just enough msytery to put the reader's imagination into gear.
fee
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