Sahara Sojourn
by Charlie
Friday, May 18, 2012
Rated "G" by the Author.
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My son's inner climate: 103 degrees |
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Forty-seven camels on a polka dot chest
Sahara skin
Sun-whipped skin
Dear God,
When will this sojourn end?
Forty-seven camels
Heavy-footed,
Heavy-laden,
Heavy chest expanding, gasping,
Straining breaths through coughs of air
Dear God,
Give Thou my son oases—
A palm
A balm
A shaded cairn
A sacred hand
An holy blessing—
Slighter beasts,
Lighter feet
Dear God,
Make Thou this sojourn fleet
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| Reviewed by Christine Tsen |
6/4/2012 |
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You sure know how to bring all poetic elements together, how to make the quintessential rhythm of a thing work!
I hope he's better now, and all's well in your home.
Love and prayers,
Christine |
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| Reviewed by Axilea MU |
5/26/2012 |
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What a journey: endless, exhausting, somewhere between a legendary walk and a real experience that sticks to one's skin. Love the way you played with words, meanings, cascading metaphors. A heartfelt prayer appears in the middle of the desert and it's such a soothing voice!
Lots of love to you and your family...
Axilea |
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| Reviewed by Kate Burnside |
5/23/2012 |
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Brilliant petition and heart-rending mother's journey as well, Charlie. Love and many prayers for healing: reminds me muchly of the extended fever I experienced over the hottest summer here in the UK in 1990 - six weeks peaking 103-4 degrees! Delerium with worry and anxiety as much as illness but still the soul drinks deeply of the wells of faith. These stanzas are quite, quite beautiful:
Dear God,
Give Thou my son oases—
A palm
A balm
A shaded cairn
A sacred hand
An holy blessing—
Slighter beasts,
Lighter feet
Dear God,
Make Thou this sojourn fleet |
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| Reviewed by Erin Kelly-Moen |
5/21/2012 |
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Exceptional, Charlie! Scares me to death..
Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen |
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| Reviewed by Cryssa C |
5/21/2012 |
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love the metaphor... sad to hear that M is not feeling so well... hopefully he is feeling better now. :)
Love ya,
Crys... |
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| Reviewed by Ronald Hull |
5/20/2012 |
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I assume you are writing about a fever based on the comment. If so, an excellent metaphor.
Ron |
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| Reviewed by Felix Perry |
5/19/2012 |
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The metahphorical poetry of this one is so well done...excellant.
fee |
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| Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado |
5/19/2012 |
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I hope your son feels better soon, Charlie; prayers! Well done!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. :( |
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| Reviewed by D. Vaineo |
5/19/2012 |
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Charlie, God Bless Your Son!
Always,
Deborah |
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| Reviewed by Jerry Bolton |
5/19/2012 |
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| Interesting colloquy. Pretty high on the thermometer scale. |
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