as I sit here I think about what I know and what I have been told and sometimes the two don't match up. But I want it to, so very very much. I want to be able to put the past behind me but I wonder if I ever will.
I cry at night hoping you won't hear
for I cry for the pain for the heartache
that I have, I hear the voices and I see
the hatred and the love and especially
the lust and I feel the dull ache
inside and I know that I am lost
to it. Lost to the feelings that I have
lost to the sensations and lost to the
if I close my eyes when I feel you
rape me... if I will my soul from
its earthly place to soar among the
clouds will it save me.... keeping
me safe or will it open myself even
wider to your hateful words,
accusations and actions.....
if I cut myself and sit back to watch as the blood flows freely from the wound and I accept the pain it causes because it is of a physical nature and easier to handle than the emotional kind, can I begin to see the memories or just drown in them.....