This is my variation of a dramatic monologue. Hopefully you can pick up some character traits of the speaker that she doesn’t see in herself along with a bit of social commentary. If you’re a Christian, this is not intended to belittle you or your faith. It is simply a characterization. If a word is misspelled, it is done so for affect. Also, if you can read it with a slight southern accent it might be easier to find the speakers voice.
“… Damn it Jr. I told you to fix that screen door, these flies is gonna carry me away.
And bring me another beer when you come back in here.
Turn on the swamp cooler… and hurry up,
the Springer rerun is coming on –
it’s the one with cousin Eb and that white trash stepdaughter of his.
I still laugh my ass off ever time I think ‘bout her get’n knocked up by
that 11 year old boy from turdistan. You’d think he’d hurd of a condumb.
Jr., are you listen’ to me?
You’re 14. You’d better be use’n condems with that Spivy girl.
I don’t want no grandbaby for my 30th birthday…”
“Ah shit, is that the preacher come’n up the drive.
He would have to visit during Jerry. You’d think Sunday was enough.
Get my bible and lock up the dogs, I don’t want the preacher get’n bit again.
I kinda like this one, he’s cute and I think he likes me.
Jr. Jr. are you listen, to me.
You’re just as bad as your father, god rest his sorry ass soul.”
“Ah shit, Jr. don’t worry bout lock’n up them dogs it taint the preacher.
It’s those ghova witnesses again.
I don’t know why they keep come’n round here.
Can’t they read the “I love Jesus” sign hang’n ‘bove the front door.
The last thing we need is some mixed up
religious hypocrites beat’n on that broken screen.”
THIS IS A TERRIFIC WRITE THAT HAS DEVELOPED YOUR CHARACTERS WELL IN THIS SHORT, BUT VIVIDLY CLEAR DRAMATIZATION, EVEN JR., WHO DOESN'T SPEAK...JUST TAKES IT ALL...IN SILENCE. I LOVED IT...THE WOMAN SOMEWHAT REMINDS ME OF MYSELF...BEFORE I REALLY SURRENDERED MY LIFE TO CHRIST...I WAS A MESS...A CHURCH MEMBER, BUT A MESS. THANKS FOR SHARING AND GOD BLESS YOU. JOYCE * HIS INSPIRATIONS
Lori I was in desperate need of a chuckle this morning. You provide that and a whole lot more. Pass this on to a producer it would be hilarious TV show. Patrick
Lori, you really got me laughing out loud with this gem! I can see and hear her as if whe were in a chair next to me! Fantastic Characterization! YOu're good at this!;-)
Can’t they read the “I love Jesus” sign hang’n ‘bove the front door.
The last thing we need is some mixed up
religious hypocrites beat’n on that broken screen.”
This reads like screenplay, Lori. Sadly, the term Bible-Belt (or, perhaps, more appropriately, Bible-'n-Belt) is probably not without accurate foundation. And the hypocrisy of emotional and physical abuse is smeared through all the religious sectors, worldwide. This is a searing capture, well-sustained and expertly weighted, not tipping over into caricature. Sadly real. Very well done. xx
Really took me as a reader into the scene and had me smiling from ear to ear by the end of it and wanting to read more...hope there is a second episode with the preacher man.
Well said and a sad, sad example of a hypocritical Christian for sure, Lori. Some have sunk low indeed, my friend. From those who lead us on down to the populace. It's no wonder God has stopped blessing America.
This is well done and so unsettling. I know that this exists, but I soooooo would rather sit in my house and pretend like we are all living the dream. You bring the ugly truth to the frontline and remind us that we still have so much to do to bring the dream to all of America.
Take care,
Sherry
Good write, Lori....my visual of the main character is not a pretty one. I feel so sorry for her poor son, he had no choice as to the life he would be born into. I'm sure I've seen this character in a movie or two over the years. Good job.
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