It Is Morning Now (Revised Version)
by B.J. Olvera
Friday, January 06, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.
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All life is entertwining relationships with nature, animals, mankind, and God. The depth of those relationships are determined by our courage or our foolishness.
It Is Morning (Revised Version)
It is morning now
the birds, like leaves of trees
shake off their morning glitter
and bathe in the tenderness of sun
Morning births fragile virgins
as the world spins anew
prayers of need, compassion, forgiveness
lifted to God for Wisdomís decision
veiled by the rains of life
descending radiance of God streams
golden spirals eternally sinuous
Morning glow borrows
beads of pensive conjecture
will lifeís afternoon transform
lives that plunder, souls that wander
We offer up imperfect praises
to the epitome of accomplishment
The Originator, Ultimate Legislator
of the innumerable Cosmos
It is morning now, and
the world begins
like a poemís journey
within the souls of men
Many strive to renew
lives existing as whispers
Lord help them
to praise thankfully Your Grace
of new direction
uplifts and renews
the verve of others
Today, I will begin
with Godís best
I will be present
with my mother
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|Reviewed by Sandie Angel
Thank you so much for inviting me to read your new version, the following is my humble opinion between the two:
The difference between the old version and this new one is that the old version is more of your raw emotion, which expressed very well, and gave the readers the feelings of closeness, like they would have agreed with what you have said and feel those feelings for you. It also showed your faith to the Creator.
This new version, even though it is well-constructed, does not offer the same feelings. Rather, it is formed in a four-lined-stanza that offer the symbolism of faith, like this is more of a spiritual write. Also the choice of words were of precise and not wasted.
There is also a "breath of fresh air" and "a burst of energy of faith" in this new write.
I prefer both versions - it is because each of these two poems carries its own weight of what the author had intended to convey, though in different manners. The newer version, is more of a publishable material if you choose so to send to an editor, because it is constructed well.
However, in my personal choice of reading pleasure of a well-expressed poem, I would choose the old version.
But what I have said so far are only of my own humble opinion about poetry, and what I, myself, would have preferred to read. I certainly cannot speak for all.
Hope this helps!
Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
|Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU
|"It Is Morning Now (Revised Version)" I see a different image,
but the colors are about the same, although this version tends
to be more symbolistical - giving the reader - an enchanting and
deeper spiritual feeling.
The closing lines -THE LAST STANZA - sealed this poem with
a golden lace.
Keep writing, Poet. Never rest Your pen.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU