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For Dean.

It's not the loneliness that's making me cry for once
It's knowing that I messed up
Remembering all the times I turned away
For what was really no reason at all
Knowing I've screwed up on everything I ever could
With everyone I ever had
That's why I didn't want to be with you
I was certain I would hurt you - and I did
Even after you telling me you believed in me not to
How could I be so stupid?

I thought I was doing fine
But now I realize how wrong I've been
Expecting you to always come to me
After always turning away from you
Frustrating you, testing you
To see if you cared enough to bother
And then not stopping to think you might have a dream
Just because I didn't

I swear I'm trying to think of you a little more
But I won't pretend or lie
What I feel is real and I won't hide it from you
I need you near me and that matters too
Could I be your someone, could I be your everything?
And do you really love me more?
Does all she's put you through mean nothing at all?
How does it feel to know she still loves you?
I hate the way her name always sounds coming out of your mouth
I hate how she's always there

And would it matter at all
Or could you brush it off and forget it?
Or would you tell her things I'll never know you said?
And why the hell do you still care at all?
Could you protect me from myself
By saving me from the pain of loneliness?
I know it's wrong but I'm mad at you for not being here
I can't take it anymore!

Good night, sweet dreams
I cry myself to sleep again
It hurts to lie here
Without your arms surrounding me
I'm so sorry
That I can't do anything right
But all that I want
And need in this world is you near

...Is that so much to ask for?