Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Paul Williams, iJohn McCoy, iJames Milward, iRonald Yates, iFrank Whyte, iAlfred Garrotto, iArmineh Ohanian, i
  Home > Poetry > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

David A. Schwinghammer

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 233 titles
· 200 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: Dec, 2007

   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Message Board
   Read Reviews

· Soldier's Gap

Short Stories
· Mengele's Double, Chapter 9

· Seminary Boy, a memoir

· Fisher of Men, Chapter Nine

· Soldier's Gap, Chapter Three

· Honest Thief, Tender Murderer, Chapter Nine

· Fisher of Men, Chapter 8

· Honest Thief, Tender Murderer, Chapter Eight

· Mengele's Double, Chapter Eight

· Bereavement Blues

· Fisher of Men, Chapter 7

· The Wilderness of Ruin, book review

· A Beautiful Mind, book review

· Another Planet, book review

· The Three Stooges, book review

· The God Particle

· Empire of Sin, book review

· Science at the Edge, book review

· Obama, a Modern Caesar?

· Americans Need to Pull Together

· Voices of the French Revolution, book review

· Fashion

· Widow's Peak

· Myth

· Alumni Game

· Stradivarius

· Snow-a-holic

· Girls Who Wear Glasses

· The Do Drop Inn

· Ode to Neve Campbell

· Never My Love

         More poetry...

David A. Schwinghammer, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

  Jacks or Better 101
by David A. Schwinghammer
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Rated "R" by the Author.

Share   Print   Save Become a Fan

Recent poems by David A. Schwinghammer
•  Fashion
•  Widow's Peak
•  Myth
•  Alumni Game
•  The Do Drop Inn
           >> View all 12

Freshman English is a lot like playing poker with a Boatswainsmate.

Jacks or Better 101


“No wild cards - no ‘Spit in the Ocean’ - no ‘Black bottom’ - No ‘Roll your Own’ - no joker - we don’t play no pussified poker in this game!”

(This is expository writing not creative writing. Your essays should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. You must have a thesis statement. You must employ transitions.)

“Pot limit, dollar ante, dealer calls the game. We don’t stand for crybabies. If you lose your money, go to bed. We don’t wanna hear from mama or you’ll hear from us.”

(Three mechanical errors and you will receive an automatic fail. We assume a freshman at this college has a degree of proficiency in grammar and the use of the dictionary.)

“Low Ball? What the fuck is that? I thought I said we don’t play no pussy games. We play ‘Five Card Stud,’ ‘Seven Card Stud,’ and ‘Jacks or Better’. Any more of that shit and you’re out of the game. Where you from, boy? They wear pants where you come from?”

(The adverb “there” is spelled t-h-e-r-e, the possessive pronoun “their” is spelled t-h-e-i-r, the contraction “they’re” is spelled t-h-e-y-’-r-e. Such a glaring error is not tolerated in Expository Writing 101. A repetition of this kind of carelessness and we may have to place you in remedial English.).

“You want four cards? How dumb are you, kid? You might as well give me your money. You can only draw three cards in draw poker. Sweet rain of Christ!”

(When using a quotation from an outside source, the author of said source must be attributed. The footnote of said source must be located at the bottom of the page and indented five spaces. If the footnote is improperly indented, a deduction of one half grade will be taken.)

“So what have you got? Mother humper! You’ve got a straight and you drew three cards. You got a horse shoe up your ass, kid!”

(Profanity or obscenity will not be tolerated. In the event that such words seem called for, a suitable euphemism should be used.)

Mystery Writer

Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Books by
David A. Schwinghammer

Soldier's Gap

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..

  1. Woodsmoke and Possibility....
  2. larger voice
  3. I Wish I Could Tell You...
  4. Springtime Breeze
  5. Potting Plants
  6. Transmorpho
  7. Controlled Manner
  8. I Wish I Knew
  9. Day's End
  10. Not Of Gold
  11. In Loving Memory
  12. Running On Empty
  13. Everything Shuts Down
  14. Time Started
  15. “Cant Dog”, and the Burning of Words own O
  16. . . . and There I was
  17. I'm Thankful For
  18. The Mask
  19. Bumble Bee, Bumble Bee
  20. My Poems

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.