by John Reilly
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
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bored to tears,
(the sound of typing)
You’ve got mail
“Great, Ive got mail! Woofukinhoo”
“hmmm who can I play with”
(scrolling down a list of names)
“bkcutie, NO!” (Im sweating and screaming)
“BigRedHeadedLady, HELL YEAH!”
Reilly- HI! I was wondering if u might like to join
me for breakfast?
(2min tic by)
Reilly- Guess not
BigRedHeadedLady- Who are you?
Reilly- Im nobody, we don’t know each other. I just
thought u might like to have some breakfast with me,
possibly some coffee.
That’s all no funny business…swear
Reilly- I haaaave cooornflaaakes
Reilly- I don’t have milk though, could u pick some up
on your way?
(another min goes by)
Reilly- aww cmon a little coffee, some cereal…maybe a shower
Reilly- I did mention that I have cornflakes
BigRedHeadedLady- I don’t eat breakfast …sorry
Im not interested
Reilly- was it the shower idea that turned u off? Do u prefer
baths or something?
BigRedHeadedLady- LOL you are too much
The conversation goes this way for awhile,
climaxing with her sending me a pic and
telling me that if I am cute a shower might be fun.
At some point it veers off course and heads into her job, her 11 cats and her unhappy marriage. I realize that if I sit here and listen to this garbage, making all the appropriate Human\monkey responses
easily be able to get into her pants and lay hands
and eyes on her fire crotch. But after
20 min of her justifying why she wants, no DESERVES
to be treated better, I was left so sick that all I could do to keep from meeting her and killing her, was to tell her that the woman in the pic she sent me, looked really fat and old, and if she was said woman then from my point of view
she deserved to be treated that way cause no
woman that fat or OLD should be shown any kind of respect.
(Now to all you fat, old women I didn’t mean it.
I Just had to say it, Basically I was saving her life)
Now as you can imagine she was none to pleased,
Especially considering that I had just typed sweet shit To her for the past hour. She raged for a moment, calling me everything you can imagine
(I liked it though, It told me she had pride and made me think that at 1 time she might have been in the armed forces).
I ended the conversation with a series of
Reilly- Old Fat unhappy
~~~~~You drone on and on making
~~~~~ME SO FUCKING SICK
(all is quiet on the front)
Reilly- Your face swollen; Fat
~~~~~Bloody harpy I hate you
~~~~~Breakfast in no more
(I forge ahead)
Reilly- Displaying my teeth
~~~~~I bite hard on your fat rolls
~~~~~Eating your sorrow
(Ok that did it she signed off)
Ah I feel good, feel like I just vanquished the devil.
Saved the earth from a millennium of darkness.
This is John Reilly killing time,
This is John Reilly avoiding killing bigred
This is John Reilly Loving Life.
(In that order)
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|Reviewed by Janet Caldwell
|u r a sic fuk, god i love ya! lol
|Reviewed by Mitzi Jackson
|Honesty, always a good quality in a man
I'm working with an organization SVCAFP
YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT
|Reviewed by Alexander Shaumyan (Reader)
|This is hilarious. Loved it.|
|Reviewed by Trixie Love
All that i can say
about this, is lol...
|Reviewed by Trixie Love
|This is sick but funny...|
|Reviewed by Josephine Bohen
|Free flow. I'm reading it like your thinking it, that's good writing...forget the haikus HA
|Reviewed by Sue Hess
|mr reilly, i only look fat in the photo and my hair only has red highlights and ps, at your age, we all look old, but i would have come for the corn flakes, no pun intended. and your haikus leave something to be desired
he wants all he sees
and he tries to see it all
this madman reilly
|Reviewed by Lori Moore
|Does this really happen? Good write!|
|Reviewed by Masarat Daud (Reader)
|Man and are you crazy? You should have asked her some indirect hints on her life so as to guess her age but errr...it got ugly babes. Hey it's not a sin to be fat...is it? Your haikus Reillyji were extreme hun... ;) I hope u don't get in the bad books of many.|
|Reviewed by Larry Skahill (Reader)
|LMAO...this is the funniest thing I have read in the Den - sadly true, but funny - I am fat and old and take no offense|