It has been fairly well established
That the ancient, prehistoric reptile
Had two discrete neural control centers:
One in the cranium and the other
Situated in the lower hind-quarters.
Both were about the size of a pea.
The theory has recently been advanced
That modern man, despite the cursed blessing
Of his reasoning abilities, also has two brains
As well: A rather large and complicated,
Bilateral one, and a smaller but dominant one,
More about which we shall hear shortly.
The former appears to control man’s
Conscious behavior in nearly every aspect
<save one>, while the latter operates on
An autonomous, reactive basis—functionally
Best illustrated in mixed gender situations.
The lower ‘nether-brain’, as it is regarded,
Activates automatically in the presence of a fair
Member of the opposite sex, instantly rendering
All male bodily functions subject to its
Genetically programmed instructions.
I’d like to arrange a limited clinical
Demonstration of this for you, but don’t
Blame me if the experiment gets somewhat
Out of control. After all, the ‘nether-brain’ may
Well be in the genes, but it's in the jeans, as well…